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Old 09-16-2011, 02:32 PM
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Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Hey, I'm glad I could be helpful to you. There was one other thing I had wanted to say in my big long post, and forgot after I started getting going. And that is: enjoy what you've got. Yes, put everything you are into the relationship, be present with her and with your feelings, and pour your heart into it. You reap what you sow. The future will happen and worrying about it now won't change it. I think you're in good shape.
Excellent advice too. =] I think what Meera said is very similar to this, in a lot more detail, too.

Meera, I agree with everything you said. Techie really treated you quite badly and I would hate to be that person. I feel he was actually more closed minded himself than you were, even though you were the mono. It doesn't help someone who already has problems with something, to just ignore them and make them feel like shit.

I say Cherry is closed minded to poly, because she told me directly, that it isn't for her. But she is also scared of it, which could certainly be something that is holding her back. A lot of the time, conversations are really between the lines kinda thinking with her. Direct meanings are few and far between. Everyone says communication is the key, but if you don't understand the communication, you don't have the key. It's something every relationship needs, and me and Cherry work on it every day. [and to answer your question, yes, Cherry is 18, I am 19.]

I think for the most part, we understand each other and will just see what the future brings. There's no stress needed putting too much thought into it. What happens, will happen. =]
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Old 09-17-2011, 08:28 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
The idea that reconciling poly vs. mono by thinking of them as two cultures needing understanding and curiosity about each other is a good one... to a point. I think it's pretty easy for someone who identifies as poly to think of it this way. The reality, however, is that if and when the poly person does find another potential partner, the mono person is generally going to feel threatened by the idea of "sharing" them. All intellectual understanding flies out the window when you're brokenhearted about your love having sex with someone else or falling in love with another. A monogamous person wants to be the only one in someone's heart and bed, plain and simple. It is contrary to everything monogamy has taught us to truly believe that if a loved one is involved with someone else, they won't leave us for them.
hm, interesting.... I think I will move this all to a new thread so as to not take away from the topic at hand.... excuse me SG for the derailment.
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Old 09-19-2011, 03:57 AM
nbennett nbennett is offline
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I think that if she really is strict with being mono, then there would be a problem. I mean, if she is really focused with being mono, then there would be no way you can force her to be contented with her partner being poly. But change is constant and there would be no hindrance why she could not accept it, in time.

I do think that she is unhappy with your poly status yet she is trying to keep up with it.
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