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  #71  
Old 09-18-2011, 03:01 PM
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A lot of people who live together all have their own rooms that they can chose to invite each other into. Sometimes for sleeping it's just more comfortable not to be 3 to a bed.
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  #72  
Old 09-18-2011, 03:06 PM
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Hello,

Thank you all for the replies. I guess it would be a little uncomfortable if 3 people were in the same bed every night. We just enjoy having a single female with us. It completes us to no end and that is why we are trying other methods of finding a someone we can share our life together.
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  #73  
Old 09-18-2011, 04:23 PM
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We sleep 3 to a bed most nights. It's a bit complicated sometimes, especially when it comes to blankets. I tend to sleep in the middle, because I'm the one who gets coldest. My husband can NOT sleep in the middle because he sweats way too much.

It is nice, but it also helps to have a second room where someone can sleep alone if they choose to. We will be moving to a new house together at the end of the year and we plan to have 2 bedrooms for adults, so our sleep options are more open.
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  #74  
Old 09-18-2011, 05:47 PM
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Yeah, if some day in the far future I were to move in with my gf and her lovely husband, I would want/need my own bed. Sleeping in their bed with them feels wonderful, but it can just be too crowded for comfort if all I want is to twist and turn a bit and then fall asleep.

Do take Julia's advice and do a tag search for unicorns. It's all too easy for folks with the best of intentions to go about things the wrong way with a third person, and why make the same mistakes as others when you can learn from them instead? There are also some great essays at www.xeromag.com that may be useful to you, such as "things to consider when dating a couple".

Good luck!
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  #75  
Old 09-19-2011, 02:27 AM
Lane Lane is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seysccouple View Post
We are curious about the sex in the poly community.
Most of this has been about sleeping so far, not about sex, but that was the first part of your question. What'd you want to know about poly sex? Or was it really the sleeping arrangements you wanted to talk about?
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  #76  
Old 09-19-2011, 03:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lane View Post
What'd you want to know about poly sex?
Hmm, what do you mean by "poly sex," exactly?
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  #77  
Old 09-19-2011, 04:43 PM
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Hmm, what do you mean by "poly sex," exactly?
Hell if I know. Just wondering if they had a different question in mind than the one that got answered.
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  #78  
Old 09-19-2011, 10:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lane View Post
Hell if I know.
Hahaha!!
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  #79  
Old 09-21-2011, 09:30 PM
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Generally in poly there is no "couple." That is more a "swinging" notion or "open." If a couple enters poly thinking that they are the primary and they will obtain a secondary it ends in hurt feelings, love not being evenly distributed amongst the three and the secondary being ditched because she or he is wrecking the "couple." The attitude of couples is generally not lined up for poly. I would check your agenda with this personally.

I agree with the search idea and see if you might want to keep with swinging... I noticed you are swingers from another thread. Either that or prepare for independence, autonomy and to have your whole notion of coupledom be turned on its head. If it even exists in poly for the long haul.

Of course there are some occasions where a couple own a secondary, but they are usually few and far between and occur over time and with experience. Depending also on how long it lasts. I would say that the scenario you seek lasts about a month or so. Over a year; rare to nil.
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  #80  
Old 09-22-2011, 02:23 AM
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When it comes to sex / sleeping / other bedroom activities in the world of poly there are many options, and many different configurations and answers that you'll get if you ask anyone what they personally do and how they personally arrange their relationships.

I do agree with other posters that the 'unicorn' fantasy does not generally work out. I have never been one for black and white thinking, so I am sure that somewhere, somehow there is a unicorn relationship that has worked out, but of the very few that I've seen, none of them have worked out longer than a few months.

I think, and of course I've not had firsthand experience, because my relationships are not of this variety, that the unicorn fantasy compartmentalizes the relationship too much, and doesn't allow for growth. It has never appealed to me personally because a couple looking for their unicorn to me seems like they are looking for a toy, or a possession rather than a relationship. Granted, I could be wrong, but this is just what I've observed...

That being said, sex does tend to happen in poly relationships (and all others, of course); There are nine people total in our poly family between my husband and I and our partners and their partners, and I have sex with three of those people. We don't require that everyone's partners have sex with everyone else. We allow everything to ebb and flow naturally and to move at the pace it will.

My advice is that in your particular situation, write down or discuss exactly why you are seeking the third partner. What reasons do you have? Does it have to do with sex primarily, or companionship? What benefits would you all three gain from this partnership?

Please know that I'm definitely not trying to be a party pooper or a naysayer; it just sounds like your goal is slightly unrealistic as of yet. That's not to say that it will be that way always. If you're new to poly, you have the opportunity to learn from those around you, explore your own motivations, do some self-work, and fine tune your goals and desires to what really works for you, and the other person that may potentially come into your life.

Best,
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bed, beds, secondaries, secondary, sleeping arrangements, three in a bed, threesome, threesomes, triad, triads, unicorn, unicorns

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