I wrote and took this from this
thread and wanted to see if anyone wanted to discuss it further.
I like to think of mono/poly as "cultural" or "religious" differences...for example, one person is from Britain and the other is from Brazil for an example. The British person lives in Brazil with her and has to figure out how to be in this "culture" that isn't your own.
It has helped me let go of "fixing" my relationship with Mono (my a die hard Monogamous boyfriend) and just living it as best we can from our own points of view. I spend more time being curious about his "culture" that way, rather than getting frustrated that he doesn't get it. I think this is useful in all relationships with anyone really. It takes away our natural desire to expect and assume I think.
I have come to see couples where one opens up to poly and the other doesn't as a "religious" difference of sorts (and for want of a better term) in that a person deciding to take on another religion after being in another religion their whole lives. Say one person is Christian, born and raised in the bible belt, married a Christian person and raised your kids that way... then discover Buddhism. BAM! Everything changes.... you know the story. We hear it here all the time. Imagine what that would feel like! There is common ground, but wading through the politics of both religions to get to that is hard work and along with that is a great deal of feelings of betrayal for the one who is still Christian.
Finding common ground and holding on to it for dear life (because you love each other so much) is all there is as far as I can see.