Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 10-27-2009, 07:28 AM
rolypoly's Avatar
rolypoly rolypoly is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 350
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by sea View Post
We are in small town BC and felt very alone!
Lots of people in BC here.
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 10-27-2009, 08:02 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,506
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
one down side is that I write long posts that I think no one has read and then get sad and think I've wasted my time.... especially as quite often they are repeats of what I have already said three months ago... oh well, my problem.
Oh I read 'em.
I know Maca reads 'em too-but then he gets overwhelmed by all the new ideas in his head and sits around staring at the walls instead of replying! Silly guy!

But I know what you mean. We get a mental pic of each other but it's not always clear. Some people come on here and only share the bad parts. But we never see the good side-so then we don't realize there is a FULL life there.
Maca has a bad time of writing most often when he feels hopeless and like a failure. Just last night I pointed out to him that when he gets down he forgets all the good things.If I start naming them then he feels dumb because of course there are so many! Then he wonders what is wrong with him. It's just perspective. He spent so many years thinking that his life was crap and he was crap that he is having to re-learn his whole way of looking at himself and his life in THAT arena and of course that effects his way of interpreting and seeing things in EVERY relationship-but most especially ours.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 10-27-2009, 08:32 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,672
Default

My husband is very well read and aware of the very same things Maca is. Albeit for different reasons though. If Maca wants I will ask him to put a reading list together and can email it to you.

It really seems to be a mind set. My husband explains it like our minds are like cross country skiing tracks. Its easy to ski when the path is well used, but try to get off the path and make a new one and its difficult. Its the same with many things in life really. Its all about neuro programming or something... Geesh, not really my thing to know the names of things. More of an ideas person, but something like that. Anyway, I can certainly ask him for the book he read on it!

More on hinders- I find that I become emotionally involved with peoples issues on here and need a break some times. I often get off the computer and my shoulders are pulled up and tense and I realize I have forgotten to breath the whole time. I need breaks now and then just to process! I think I mentioned this in another thread I to you LR.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 10-27-2009, 08:59 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,506
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
My husband is very well read and aware of the very same things Maca is. Albeit for different reasons though. If Maca wants I will ask him to put a reading list together and can email it to you.

It really seems to be a mind set. My husband explains it like our minds are like cross country skiing tracks. Its easy to ski when the path is well used, but try to get off the path and make a new one and its difficult. Its the same with many things in life really. Its all about neuro programming or something... Geesh, not really my thing to know the names of things. More of an ideas person, but something like that. Anyway, I can certainly ask him for the book he read on it!

More on hinders- I find that I become emotionally involved with peoples issues on here and need a break some times. I often get off the computer and my shoulders are pulled up and tense and I realize I have forgotten to breath the whole time. I need breaks now and then just to process! I think I mentioned this in another thread I to you LR.
That would be awesome RP! Maca is really focused on working on himself right now. I've had to remind him (as have a few other kind souls) that Rome wasn't built in a day (so I've heard) but he is very interested in leraning so much more now that he's realized how closed up emotionally he's been for so long from the world.
And yes -you did mention that you have to take a break sometimes.

I gave myself a new rule-I decided that if the first post doesn't "touch me" I'm not reading a thread and I'm not replying in it either. Because it's too time consuming to try to be nice to everyone (nothing personal newbies).
I also decided that instead of reading a responding to everyone else's stuff only-I was going to write some of my own. I got that idea from watching Mono actually. He takes time to write the deepest things-and I know that reading them helps me. I thought-well heck-why not just work on my own stuff and it can potentially help someone else AND I might get useful feedback too. Either way I'm focused back on MY life and not freaking out about everyone elses. (hope that doesn't sound self centered). that one little post of yours really got me thinking and so we'll see how it goes!
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 10-27-2009, 10:13 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,672
Default

Yes I do that too LR. Sometimes a thread a day is all I can do because I get overwhelmed. I pick and chose too. I get something out of reading everything, but find it unnecessary to repeat myself most of the time. Most people say the same things I would anyway. Sometimes their posts make me think of a new take. I love that. Totally my thing the whole relationship dynamic thing!
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 12-20-2009, 09:28 PM
Estar Estar is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: green lowlands
Posts: 5
Default

Dear Mono,

I am a unregular guest on this forum. But I really like reading the stories and questions people write. They remind me that there are more people dealing, experiencing 'deep' feelings and adventures in their relationships. They give me a time to reflect my feelings and I come at ease.
I always really look for your writing. I'm a mono too and my husband isn't and I'm dealing with this in a way that could be improved I suppose. It feels like the trick is that because I really love him and want to live my life with him I have to accept him as he is though this is not how I am. Hmm and really say goodbye to times past when things were different (just the 2 of us and our 2 kids). Live here and now. We 3 have together now 4 kids (3+1) which are wonderful and a great gift to our lives but it made my life far more complicated then I ever imagined. My husband, she and I get emotionally strechted to the limits. Our lives sometimes really sound like a soapstory, one you think is a bit over the edge. I'm a sometimes really jealous and mourn over times past, but these feelings pass and I can be happy and feel fascinatingly blessed by these wonderful people around me.

Anyway thank you.
Estar
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 12-21-2009, 04:50 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Estar View Post

Anyway thank you.
Estar
Wow...you sound like an amazing woman. Thank you for sharing that and you are welcome.

Take care
Peace and love
Mono
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 12-21-2009, 12:58 PM
Catfish Catfish is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: America's High Five
Posts: 300
Default

This place rules. I have pulled more information on positive communication here than just about anywhere I've looked. At the beginning of our journey, this forum gave us a place to speak freely and ask questions that couldn't be answered anywhere else.

The only drawback I can think of is the public aspect. When I signed up, I chose the username I've used for everything for the last few years. Now when I search Google for that user name this forum in #3 on the list. That was my mistake and I have recently altered my username here. And that's fine, really. I'm not too concerned with people knowing this is the path my life has taken, but at the same time, a little anonymity goes a long way.

All in all, I am very proud to be involved with such a lovely group of passionate people as yourselves.

Carry on.
__________________
Concern yourself less with love and more with loving.
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 12-21-2009, 05:35 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,188
Default

I changed the default settings for the boards so that nothing is now pre-indexed for the search engines. Apparently, vBulletin doesn't have a setting for disallowing search engines from rummaging through the site.
__________________
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 12-21-2009, 05:47 PM
foxflame88's Avatar
foxflame88 foxflame88 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Birmingham, AL, USA
Posts: 582
Default

I always find it a help to be able to express myself and share my thoughts, whether about my own situation or to offer my thoughts to someone else's situation.
__________________
Alli
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman. ~Woody Allen
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:09 PM.