Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #161  
Old 09-08-2011, 05:27 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,233
Default

I sent Gia a quick email when I got home from my trip, and she responded saying she was going to be in my neighborhood after work some time in the next few days, and she'd like to see me. So last night we met at a store near my house and walked around talking and shopping for about 40 minutes. Then she had to rush home to feed Bee.

It was such a short amount of time, but it felt like a big deal -- meeting one on one outside of her house... it's been forever since that happened!! We shared three lovely closed-mouth kisses as she was leaving. It felt so good and made me so hungry for more. Here's hoping it was just a tiny taste of what's to come.
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
  #162  
Old 09-09-2011, 03:53 AM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,233
Default

Excellent point made by the Blogger Holly Pervocracy, which makes me think of my relationship with Davis: "We value passion over companionate love, and wonder why relationships always seem to go cold."
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
  #163  
Old 09-11-2011, 12:21 AM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,233
Default three things on my mind

1) The other day, Davis told me I was being clingy. Not that *I* was clingy, in an insulting way, but that I was "being" clingy in a "your behavior right now is bugging me" way. Urgh. I don't think of myself as this sort of person, I hope it's temporary. He also admitted that it might just be him. I hate the idea of having to hold myself back from both Gia AND him... but it's not fair to put my issues with my relationship with Gia on him by expecting him to be some sort of perfect counterbalance.

2) There's this chick Liza. She's in our age group, has a lot in common with both Gia and Eric, and she's a MILF. She was a doula at Gia's birth, actually, though that's not how they all met. G ans E have been spending a lot of time with her lately... they brought her out dancing with some other friends last week when I was out of town and they've been to her house twice in the last few weeks.

When was the last time they came to *my* house??

I get it, I do. She has four kids, it's hard for her to get out, they sympathize and want to encourage her to be social. They like having a friend who knows a lot about kids. And it's a big deal for them to make a new close friend, they don't make friends quickly.

So why am I so jealous??? Eric tagged her in a facebook post the other day and I actually thought to myself "UGH, I hate her" which is ridiculous, I don't even know her! I've had multiple other casual partners in the last year, how dare I be jealous of someone they *might* be attracted to, and who they have lots of good reasons to be spending time with?

My biggest silly, irrational fear is that they do like her and Gia will feel more comfortable with her than with me because there's no history or meaning or heaviness, just fun, so sexy times will happen with her while I'm still patiently waiting for that to re-enter our relationship. I'm sure it won't happen, but I don't know if I could handle it if it did.

Maybe I should just ask if they like-like her... but if I did would my jealousy be obvious and weird them out? Maybe I should just ask about meeting her sometime.

Bleh. I've been jealous of a couple of Eric's female friends before but it's never been quite like this.

3) Davis runs a roleplaying game for some of our friends. Both Jay (Davis's bff, who I had a flirty dream about, mentioned in an entry a couple of pages back) and I are in the game. At last night's game Jay and I were sorta jokingly flirting for a minute... in real life this time!... and there was just sorta a lot of eye contact between us, noticeably more than usual. Surprising!!!

I *know* that nothing will happen... like I told Jay in the dream there are several very good reasons for that, not least of which is Jay's gf Bonnie (they're mono)... but the fact that it's technically possible that something *could* happen at some point without it ruining our lives makes it sooo hot to think about...

Again, thanks, poly!
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
  #164  
Old 09-11-2011, 04:48 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,233
Default

Wow! The trend continues with a twist! I can't tell y'all how much this surprises me, it's just not how I usually operate.

I had a dream last night about Ziggy, the ex that I cheated on Davis with back in the day. In the dream, I met him at a club and ended up going down on him. Afterwards I remembered about my boundaries with Davis. I didn't feel guilty, just concerned. I thought about telling Davis but I didn't think our relationship could survive it (especially not with Z, of all people), so I decided not to.

I'm not sure what to think about this. In the other dreams, I very deliberately held back from sexual encounters, but apparently my unconscious sees Ziggy differently. I know that in real life I'm still quite attracted to Z, but I turned away from him as anything more than a platonic friend after he kept jerking me around... that was right before I started seeing Gia and Eric. We see each other rarely these days.

All of these dreams about my old attractions and fidelity (or lack thereof) to Davis have happened while he and I have been sharing a bed, which we do about 3 nights a week these days. When I used to sleep snuggled between G and E, I would often dream about talking to them. Interesting how my sleeping mind picks up on who's lying next to me and focuses on them.

I hope all this dream talk isn't boring you guys too much! I know that a person's dreams usually only hold interest for the person having them.
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
  #165  
Old 09-11-2011, 04:49 PM
MichelleZed MichelleZed is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 194
Default

Sometimes dreams are just dreams... they're just your mind's random musings. I wouldn't read too much into it.
Reply With Quote
  #166  
Old 09-11-2011, 10:40 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,233
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MichelleZed View Post
Sometimes dreams are just dreams... they're just your mind's random musings. I wouldn't read too much into it.
Oh, I know. It's not like I think I'm secretly yearning to call up Ziggy and start something. But I've slept beside Davis many times before and never had these sorts of dreams, and I sleep alone plenty of times and don't have these sorts of dreams, so the fact that there's clearly a pattern now is just intriguing to me.

Davis and I are having a lovely day today, btw. It's his birthday this week so I've been treating him to things today.
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
  #167  
Old 09-13-2011, 04:49 AM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,233
Default like i'm not the only person in the triad

I posted this poly parody of Rihanna's "Only Girl in the World" in the Press & Media section and it's toally stuck in my head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewd9Rp_MZKA

It's silly and cheesy and it doesn't exactly display what you could call musical virtuosity but I actually really like the lyrics. The chorus describes exactly what I'm yearning for.

"Want you to make me feel
Like I'm not the only person in the triad
Like I'm one of the people you really love
Like you really really know my heart
I'm not the only one in the triad
Like our power dynamic works for us
Like we all really understand
Like I really really know your heart
I'm not the only one"

It's so unnerving when you just don't know where your partner is at...
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
  #168  
Old 09-15-2011, 04:08 AM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,233
Default

Yesterday
I emailed Gia about hanging out. She suggested the following night, and said that the night after that was possible but that Eric might want to hang out with Liza then so maybe not.

You guys remember Liza, right? Their new MILF friend who I've been jealous of. The one that they've been visiting regularly.

INTERNAL FREAKOUT.

Ok. ok. Not gonna let this particular internal freakout be external. Gonna be rational. I emailed her back. Specifically, I emailed her three times in a row, piling thought upon thought.

Email #1 -- Wednesday could work. Thursday too. Unless Eric wants to hang out with Liza Thursday, I guess, like you said? Would you go with him in that case? I don't wanna keep y'all from hanging out, but I do wanna see you.

Email #2 -- Or I could always join you guys and meet Liza, that would be cool, she sounds cool.

Email #3 -- Or, actually, if Eric went to see Liza and you and I hung out one on one that would be awesome too, I almost never see you without Eric around these days.

I spent the rest of the day waiting for her to email me back and feeling jealous/weird/insecure and wondering if I came off like a crazy person by sending her three emails in a row, wondering if there was any chance that Eric might end up dating Liza since he seems so interested in her, wondering how I would handle it if that happened.

Today
Gia and I emailed back and forth throughout the day.

Gia -- You and me time would be good, but I don't want Eric and Liza to be alone just yet. He's attracted to her, she's going through a majorly rough time (relationship drama, among other things) so she's in need of comfort, and she likes to break out the alcohol when we come over. I don't think anything would happen but it's a situation that would be better to avoid. So, let's just meet tonight.

Me -- Cool, tonight it is. Yeah, that is awkward with Liza and Eric. If he wants to get involved with her he should wait until things are less drama-ful.

Gia -- "Involved" isn't the right word, exactly, he's deeeefinitely not looking for anything serious. But yeah, bad timing, and I'd rather just head off the potential drama at the pass.

...

Phew!

Suuuuch a relief. I don't think Gia could sleep with anyone right now without me getting majorly jealous, and it doesn't sound at all like that's gonna happen with this chick, at least not at present. And I don't think Eric could have a relationship with anyone right now without me getting majorly jealous, and it doesn't sound like that's gonna happen either.

I know it's silly, I've had no reason whatsoever to think his lack of interest in dating me was personal, but who on earth has an ego strong enough that they can be told "I don't want a relationship with anyone" and not wonder, just a *tiny* little bit, if it's code for "I don't want a relationship with you." Which would be ok if true, just... hard.

After work, Gia and I met up and chatted for about an hour at a cozy cafe near my house. I walked her to her car. We hugged, touched our foreheads together, stayed that way for a bit. I said something and she didn't reply right away.

"Are you falling asleep?" I asked.
"No, just mesmerized by your boobs," she said.

Eeee.

I like that she notices my body. I like that we kiss in public. I like that she manages to carve time out of her harried days to be with me. I like that she talks to me candidly about her life and her worries. I like that we laugh.

Coming up this weekend
Sat: Eric's birthday party, complete with Davis and Harry in attendance.
Sun: I FINALLY get to babysit Bee all on my own, while G&E go to a function.
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
  #169  
Old 09-15-2011, 07:14 AM
rory's Avatar
rory rory is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 496
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
"Are you falling asleep?" I asked.
"No, just mesmerized by your boobs," she said.

Eeee.
Oooo, that's good.

I was going to write something of more substance but then that happened.

Oh yeah, I don't know if I've commented before, but I've enjoyed reading your blog.
__________________
Living with my partner Mya and metamour Hank. Seeing Lily.
Reply With Quote
  #170  
Old 09-15-2011, 07:47 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,233
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rory View Post
I was going to write something of more substance but then that happened.

Oh yeah, I don't know if I've commented before, but I've enjoyed reading your blog.
Aww maaan, I don't wanna miss out on the substantive response!

Also, thank you.
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
bisexual, boundaries, mono/poly, pregnancy, secondary, unrequited, vee

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:47 AM.