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  #81  
Old 08-24-2010, 07:45 PM
Brunetteangel03 Brunetteangel03 is offline
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I am not sure, I don't think so, but they are both in the military, so we always have to be cautious about our sexuality and being together and such. But since my family doesn't really know them, it shouldn't have an effect on them.
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  #82  
Old 08-25-2010, 02:33 AM
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Why come out about any of it. Your relationship is brand new no? Perhaps this need to come out is a part of your NRE? Sometimes when we are so happy with our lives and what we are doing we feel like telling the world... the thing is the world is not experiencing that and actually could take offense to what you are up to. I suggest just relaxing and enjoying yourself for as long as you can.... seeing where it all goes and when you know that there is a sustainable future that will involve others knowing, then come out as both bi and poly. There is no rush for these things I think.... besides, your wonderful happy feelings could crash when you tell people. Why bring that on? What does it serve you? and what does it serve them!? It's likely at this point in the game that it doesn't serve them at all. They could think you are a freak and wonder why you would tell them when to them, you barely know your couple....

I don't want you to think I am putting a downer on any of this for you... I have just heard so many new poly tribes wanting to frantically come out and are glad they haven't because they see later that it was probably best to wait... or they have and have spent more time dealing with the backlash rather than having a great time with their loves without the whole world knowing...
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  #83  
Old 08-25-2010, 03:55 AM
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My 12 almost 13 yo daughter recently came out to me and her father as bi. No problem for us. Also no surprise (she was a little disappointed when we said "ya and.?”) no drama.

She was ready to go tell Grams who she already knew would “love you but be disappointed” and Aunt Sonya who would “love you but be sad” . She was worried about two of her older siblings who might actually disown her.

She knew our church would be fine.

We encouraged her to only tell people that might help her... a few people at church .. us. No siblings, no friends that would freak. She is not sure of herself yet. Certainly not in a relationship yet. Why put yourself through that?
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  #84  
Old 08-25-2010, 03:15 PM
Bibliophile Bibliophile is offline
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I'll chime in and say you might want to at least wait a while and let your relationship settle a bit. In my situation, I can't really talk about my own triad, either: the area of the country we live in is very ... erm.. traditional, and wouldn't look at it favorably. Rather than feeling it's some dark secret, I think of it as really not being anyone's business but ours.

The same concept applies to my own bisexuality. My close friends know, and some not so close friends for that matter, but I'm not "out" to the world. My mother knows, but my father does not (they've been divorced since I was young). My aunts and uncles are mostly elderly, I see them very rarely, and I see no reason for them to know who I'm sleeping with. Nor am I close, either emotionally or geographically, to my cousins, so they're unaware as well.

In my case, I've had trouble with depression in the past, and one thing I know will bring my mood down is social drama. For that reason, I've tried to surround myself with people I know will be emotionally supportive people (i.e. not full of gossip, back-biting, and petty machinations), and it seems to me that coming out to the world at large would just be inviting a lot of negative energy into my life.
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How do I explain the whole bisexuality not a phase subject...
From what I've seen of people, it seems to me that there are some bisexuals (like you and I, for instance) who knew early on they were attracted to both. Others do, indeed, go through a phase where they experiment with both, either out of curiosity or for the shock value of it. Some of them do "grow out of it." Some of them continue on with it, probably because they always were interested in both but didn't realize how much until they actually acted upon those feelings.

Just my two cents.
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  #85  
Old 08-25-2010, 03:20 PM
Brunetteangel03 Brunetteangel03 is offline
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Thank you all so much for your input. It is helpful for me to understand that not all will be accepting. I guess I just wish sometimes the world wasn't so blind or nieve to the diff sexualities out there.
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  #86  
Old 09-12-2011, 08:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post
These questions are mainly for the hetero- folks in the forum.

. . . Would you be as likely to "date" a bisexual (or biamorous) person of the opposite sex as a hetero- person of the opposite sex?

Why? Why not?
Hmm, just found this thread and thought the question interesting. And being hetero, I qualify to answer!

I know I would be much less likely to date a bi guy than I would a straight guy. Not only do I rarely meet any bi guys, nor hang out in social situations that attract a large number of LGBT people where I possibly would meet more of them, but -- and I am about to make a stereotyping statement (but I'm not the only one to do that in this thread) -- I have a certain picture in my head of the kind of masculinity I find attractive and a bisexual guy does not fit that picture. So, in general, I'm not usually attracted to a guy who identifies as bi. I know that conditioning is hard to get past. I know it's a prejudice I've been taught, and I am totally willing to challenge it, but I am not going to run out and seek a bisexual man just to resolve my own issues. That would feel like I'm using him.

There is someone I did flirt with for a while who is openly bi, but I admit that I have not pursued anything with him partially because of his bisexuality (besides his already having several poly relationships, a busy schedule, and not a lot of time). Something about him... I just feel if he's not totally into women, then I wouldn't have his whole attention, or something, almost like he'd be too "easy" sexually to trust. That might have something to do with the stereotype of gay guys being very promiscuous... I'm not quite sure if I can express what my trepidation is about. Like I said, I know it's a stereotype that was put in my brain somewhere along the line.

I suppose if I met someone I was crazy about and we were very compatible on lots of levels, being bisexual wouldn't completely deter me from getting involved. It's just that, based on my experiences thus far, it would be much less likely for me to seize such an opportunity.


I find these statements rather intriguing:
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Originally Posted by Ariakas View Post
I am more inclined to date bi-sexuals. I find them more open in general
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I find bisexual people to be more open-minded in general.
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I definitely agree that bisexual people are more open minded.
I wonder if the general idea is that bisexual people are "more open-minded" in about all things in life or just sexually? Personally I've known many, many people who are extremely open-minded about everything, who just happen to be straight. But I used to hang out in some very New Age-y crowds, maybe that's why.
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  #87  
Old 09-15-2011, 02:47 AM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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I would LOVE to date a bi guy. I guess that makes me bi-guy-curious?

Although I have met many bi women, I have never (to my knowledge) met a bi guy. This is very strange to me, and I think represents an area in which our society has not yet achieved full openness about sexuality. (I think men are not always able to be in tune with their own sexuality, or there are stereotypes about bi men, or something).

I'll second what Mono said--I too have met gay men who insist there is no such thing as bisexual men. So obviously, there are a lot of unhelpful stereotypes at play.

I was rather taken aback once when a straight male friend/potential lover assumed I was bi because I was "so open-minded about sex." (When I asked him why he wasn't bi, he had no answer for me).

As for why I'd like to try dating a bi guy--mostly just because it might be fun to be with someone who gets as turned on watching Queer as Folk as I do!
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  #88  
Old 09-15-2011, 05:40 AM
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Nyc, I agree that you shouldn't seek out a bi man just to broaden your horizons. And I appreciate your honesty. And I know this thread is not targeted at me and I'm about to engage in a slight derail.

But but but...

"Something about him... I just feel if he's not totally into women, then I wouldn't have his whole attention, or something, almost like he'd be too "easy" sexually to trust."

I've gotta say, that's just a tough thing for me to read, as a bisexual. I am *totally* into women... AND *totally* into men. When I'm with someone that person absolutely has my full and utter attention. When I'm with a man I savor him for exactly what he is, and when I'm with a woman I do the same. I certainly don't think loving more than one gender divides your attention any more than loving more than one person does.

And as for the "easy" thing... I currently live with three men, all friends from college. We share a house, to save costs and because we get along. All three are bi (one is also F-to-M and in an open marriage with one of the other dudes). Of the three, the unattached dude hasn't dated or even done more than fool around a little with anyone that I know of in the year he's been living with us, the trans guy has had a handful of partners in his life and is eager for more but very choosy, and the third dude has had exactly one other sexual partner ever aside from his husband.

So, while my household is hardly, like, a scientific study of bi men worldwide, I can at least say that in *my* experience, bi men are in no way easier than non-bi men.
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  #89  
Old 09-15-2011, 05:41 AM
Lucinda Lucinda is offline
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I'm a straight woman. Being polyamorous has led me to meet a lot more bisexual/pansexual guys than I would have otherwise. In mainstream society they seem quite rare. Or maybe they're just not visible? Knowing so many bi men means I'm more likely to date them.

I admit that I find something attractive about bisexuality in men, but I can't describe what it is. It's shallow, I guess, because sexual orientation is not controlable, but there you have it.
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  #90  
Old 09-15-2011, 05:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucinda View Post
Or maybe they're just not visible?
This. I've had... I don't remember exactly for sure, but at least three guys I've known over the years (not my roommates mentioned above) come out to me as bi, dudes who lived as straight and weren't widely, or at all, out. I guess I'm just a confide-able person, and it probably doesn't hurt that I've been completely out as queer since my freshman year of high school so people know I'm not going to not accept them.

If you're a gay guy, you have to come out if you want to have sexual and/or romantic relationships without living a life of constant secrecy and paranoia. But if you're a bi guy, you can date women and be happy with them and think about guys from time to time and just not ever publicly explore that part of yourself.

Cuz female bisexuality is largely accepted and even embraced in our culture. But male bisexuality still brings up ideas that they're not really "real" men, or that they're actually gay and can't quite admit it yet, or that they're probably on the down-low seeking seedy sex on the side and giving their girlfriends or wives diseases. Why would a guy choose to deal with that? Why be visible?

It takes a brave man to boldly pinch whatever ass he pleases. Kudos to you River, for being one of those men.
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