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  #11  
Old 03-18-2011, 08:15 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I would be very suspiscious of her intent. Cowgirl came to mind for me too. As did that maybe she just doesn't like you that much that she would want to live with you.

If it doesn't happen that you live there too I guess you could request some boundaries that work for you around time together. When Mono lived across town I called his house my OH. I loved having a place to go. Maybe finding a place you feel more like its home and having him stay over would balance things more.
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  #12  
Old 03-19-2011, 01:54 AM
notmyusual notmyusual is offline
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Okay, today I had a long talk with him, although unfortunately she wasn't there, and things are not so nearly set in "they walk off into the sunset without me" stone as I had feared. We've sort of come to the realization that none of us are really in the moving-in stage in the relationship and we're only doing this because we're afraid of missing the boat, so while nothing is bindingly agreed it's sounding likely that we'll continue to live in three separate places. Which is probably for the best.

He's also not a sucker who's going to go "oops, I accidentally turned monogamous," without knowing what happened, and she's not an evil manipulator so much as someone who's just nervous about feeling like she's obligated to accomodate anyone her boyfriend dates.

I'll miss my Utopian Poly Commune fantasies, but maybe this isn't the time (and maybe these aren't the people? ) to live those out.

Thanks so much everyone here who's been offering their support.
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  #13  
Old 03-19-2011, 07:46 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by notmyusual View Post
I'll miss my Utopian Poly Commune fantasies, but maybe this isn't the time (and maybe these aren't the people? ) to live those out.
Good attitude. I had the poly commune in mind for 14 years! PN and I married with it in mind 10 years ago! It's just been this last fall that my boyfriend Mono moved into the apartment in our house and we opened up the whole house for us to live in... we took 18 months to get to a place where we were ready to move in together. It was a trek for sure (all on my blog), but worth waiting and working towards... I have never been happier...

Keep at it my friend, its about the journey, not the destination.
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  #14  
Old 03-19-2011, 07:55 PM
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I am glad you're feeling so much better about it. Not quite clear, though... it sounds like he is thinking about not moving into her place, correct?

Keep talking, sounds like you have good communication going between you now.
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  #15  
Old 09-13-2011, 12:57 AM
PolyNetworking PolyNetworking is offline
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Default How'd it work out???

"I'll miss my Utopian Poly Commune fantasies, but maybe this isn't the time (and maybe these aren't the people? ) to live those out."

-------------------------------------

Two things. first I am looking for this Sci Fi Utopian Poly show, that is how I found this forum. Any leads would help!

Also I am in a similar relationship and from the guy point of view, I would say he doesn't want to choose.

I started out in an amorous relationship with my current and another. Once I broke it off with the other and started looking for a new second, my current came out of the closet and asked me to look for us instead of just myself. That being said, it has been a struggle. She wants to be my primary or 1st wife in a Polygamous sense, but I know that the two of them need to be equal to me and primaries to each other. I think what the biggest fear is that she is afraid she is going to loose me to the other woman, but I don't want that anymore the she does.

Maybe the other woman is just scared, I don't know. What I do know is that everyone in the relationship needs to be open and honest about all things in order to make it work; but you knew that. I hope it all works for you and yours, if not this one then the next!

CainO'

Last edited by PolyNetworking; 09-13-2011 at 01:02 AM. Reason: typo
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