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Old 09-10-2011, 06:26 PM
MichelleZed MichelleZed is offline
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Also, it's not just you being dishonest here, unless I read it wrong. You said that

Well, it's quite obvious to me that he has a "new toy"
so it doesn't look like he's actually told you about said new toy, right?

I agree with previous posters. DTMFA. The relationship doesn't seem to be working, and it doesn't seem like either of you are motivated to fix it.

If I've got that wrong--if you really do want to demand fair treatment in an equal partnership--then do it!
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Old 09-10-2011, 07:18 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Tinyblu has said it here now, but skirted around the issue in her other threads -- she puts up with the dirtbag because he's got money and pays for the trips she takes to see him. He's lied to her, used her, actually brought her on a trip where he surprised her by having another woman she'd never met before there for her to have sex with for his own pleasure (not the one she's seeing now), and just has generally treated her like shit, and we have all counseled her quite a bit on how to stand up for herself and not put up with his bullshit and deceit, but hey -- free dinners! Woo-hoo.

So, now she keeps secrets from him and has a thing with one of his fuck buddies. She comes back here periodically to paint a picture that she's got this "honest" and "refreshing" poly relationship (when he's really just a playboy, flying her in to his town to fuck her, and she's lying to him) and to post another message, just like so many she's posted before, to say "Well, things were a little bumpy for a while [hello? bumpy?] but it's so good, except for this one thing. What should I do?" and then she describes some other issue as if it's the one important thing (like "how to I speak up without getting emotional?") but refuses to look at the hurtful disrespectful treatment she's putting up with so he will buy her trips, vacations, dinners, and gifts -- and now she says "cut me some slack, there's no good men out there." Well...I don't know what else to say. Either Tinyblu really can't see the situation clearly or the playboy and golddigger deserve each other.
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Last edited by nycindie; 09-10-2011 at 08:06 PM.
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Old 09-11-2011, 02:33 AM
MorningTwilight MorningTwilight is offline
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Location: Austin, TX
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Originally Posted by Tinyblu View Post
Good men are hard to find...
And you haven't yet found one.
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Old 09-11-2011, 06:40 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Location: Canada
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I think that you get what you put out. If you are not asking for your needs to be met and believe that there is no one out there that is going to fulfil what you really desire in your life, then that is what you get.

Fuck being "easy going." Its one step to being "easy" if you ask me. "Easy going" comes from doing some hard work to establish what each person needs in a relationship. Its what comes when the work is done (there is always work, but it gets easier once knowing each other more is established) and you can sit back and enjoy the relationship. "Easy going" doesn't happen from neglecting to communicate about who you are dating, what is going on for you emotionally, and from "pretending" that you don't have feelings and needs just because you are accustomed to not sharing them.

I am hearing that he is using you TB. He seems to know that you are not accustom to sharing your emotions and instead of making it safe to explore that (as it is SO important to figure out how to express your feelings safely) he uses you for it because he knows you won't make a fuss. To me you are perpetuating a cycle.... he has money, he buys women with it and as soon as they are inconvenient or fussy and not as "easy going" as they once were he bails.

It seems to me that this cycle is what you are used to and see no other way. That is really sad to me TB. It so doesn't have to be like that... I think if I were in your situation I would work on being an emotional person, on what your needs are, what you would like out of a relationship and what you can give to someone else and ask for this to occur in your life. If not with him, with someone else... because I am here to tell you; there are people who want to do that with you if you open your heart to it and decide to not settle for anything but the best for you... when you do this you are able to give the best also. I think you have to start believing that though.
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Old 09-12-2011, 05:24 AM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Location: East Coast, U.S.
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Okay, Tinyblu, I read through all your posts about this guy to get the full story.

And here's the only thing I can say:

Call this guy and dump him RIGHT NOW.

In an earlier post you stated that he was dismayed when you almost left him after the "surprise threesome" weekend, because he's "never had a woman leave him before."

Oh, please, please, please, become the first woman to leave him!!!

Your posts are well-written and you are clearly smart. YOU CAN OBVIOUSLY DO BETTER.

If you like guys who need a lot of variety in their sex life (and I myself like guys like that, so I get where you're coming from), you can certainly find a guy who dates a lot of women WITHOUT BEING A TOTAL DICKWAD.

This guy is an asshole.

Please dump him! I, too, was raised to be emotionless, and I struggle with communicating my feelings. But that issue is not what is causing your problems with this guy. HE IS A JACKASS.

I, too, find it difficult to meet decent men. That's why I have a vibrator.
Single, straight, female, solo, non-monogamous.
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Old 09-12-2011, 11:02 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Originally Posted by MeeraReed View Post
I, too, find it difficult to meet decent men. That's why I have a vibrator.
You made my morning.
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Old 09-12-2011, 01:34 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Originally Posted by MeeraReed View Post
I, too, find it difficult to meet decent men. That's why I have a vibrator.
Me too! Good men are hard to find. And as Mae West said, a hard man is good to find.

BOBs (battery operated boyfriends) work OK in between good, hard elusive men.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

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Old 09-12-2011, 04:36 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
In any relationship, but *especially* in poly, where feelings can be so complex, partial honesty is not significantly less hurtful than full dishonesty. Either way there are lies happening, even if only by omission, and that can really damage people and relationships. Then again, it doesn't sound like your relationship with this guy is emotionally authenticity enough that it even matters? There *are* great men out there, I know a number of them... don't settle just to be with someone, anyone. Why not dump this guy and just see your gf?
Seconding what AM said! You deserve better.
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