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Old 10-26-2009, 04:52 PM
Tahirabs Tahirabs is offline
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Question What do you think?

What do you think about having one of your partners (the one that is not the primary or the unicorn) be a god-parent if, when you have children. I know it is a long ways ( about 4 yrs) off in my family, but children are already highly important to me (especially since I already had one son that I lost). I have discussed it with both my husband and my girlfriend and they both are fine with legally making my girlfriend (my husband loves her, but mostly thinks of her as a good friend... she does live with us now) the gaurdian of any children my husband and I have (if she is living with us at this time... she is from Finland and will be leaving in Dec. but plans to return in 2yrs). I was just wondering if anyone else has done this or wanted to know what others think. hummm...

Please write to tell me what you think.

Tahira Schmidt
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Old 10-26-2009, 04:58 PM
Tahirabs Tahirabs is offline
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Red face What K has said... related topic!

My girlfriend, K, actually is really excited about being a god-mother someday. She is a full lesbin and does not make deep loving relationships easly since her parents are/were abusive to her. She keeps telling me that she only wants to be with me and my husband and no one else and that she would be honered to be a god-mother. While part of me is really happy to hear this another (small part) is also sad. I want her to experiance what me and my husband have. I would love for her to find someone that she could be one with in all ways. Since my husband and I are married and since my husband gets jelous often it is hard for me to ever give her all of that. She tells me she is very happy with what she has and feels blessed/greatful that me and my husband are in her life (she loves to help foster our relationship and wathc us grow/get closer), I just hope she never regreats not having this complete two people one life kind of love/relationship. I feel slightly guilty and definitly sad (for her)... what do you all think about this as well?
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Old 10-26-2009, 06:05 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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I don't see any reason not to consider a member of your chosen family as a good choice for legal guardianship. I'm going to wear it for this probably, but I see the choice of "God Parent" as a bit more tricky.

Here's my reasoning.

Legal guardianship can be adjusted to reflect changes in dynamics with a simple document. Poly relationships may be more prone to changes in family make up so while changing who has legal guardsianship is easy enough, I don't know if you can change the person chosen as "God Parent" so easily.

Regardless, as you said, this is long way off and when the time comes you'll be in a better place to make that decision.

Interesting thread!

Take care
Mono
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Old 10-26-2009, 10:45 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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My boyfriend and my sister will be the custodians of our children if anything happens to us-per our will.
I see no issue with it as long as the person(s) you choose is good with kids and your kids are comfortable with them. The person should be capable emotionally, physically and mentally of supporting and loving your children as if they were their own. Not AS their own, as they WOULD love their own AND they should be willing and able to help the children maintain relationships with ALL family members and loved ones if something were to happen to you as well as ensuring that they keep their religious backgrounds as you've taught them
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Old 10-27-2009, 04:48 AM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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If it's a true pure longer term poly relationship amongst great friends/loves, I see no problems. I'm more worried about the transient or short term relationships. Of course, plenty of monogamous God-parents have gotten divorced, split or whatever....how many times has that come into play when caring for stranded God-children? Anybody have any stats?
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Old 10-27-2009, 04:57 AM
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No stats here but the cool thing for us is it's our will, so we can update it as we see fit. But it hasn't changed in 16 years for me. We'll see.

Good points though-gotta make sure these people are good for your kids. Not just good in your beds.
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Old 10-27-2009, 05:59 AM
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It makes sense to me to chose someone who knows the children's parents well enough to do them justice while raising their children. I have chosen my parents as my sons guardian if my husband and I should both die. I realize now that it was a terrible mistake and actually feel a bit sick and tearful now as you have brought this question up. I'm a bit panicked actually. They have no idea how to raise our son as we would! They do not appreciate our lifestyle and our style of child rearing, not to mention my mother is not stable enough to look after her own emotional needs, let alone my sons and she would ban Mono from ever seeing him again.

I think that it is best to give that responsibility to whomever would respect how you have raised them thus far and who has the closest values and believes as you. If this is a secondary partner then so be it. It makes sense to me that they would fit that bill.
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Old 10-27-2009, 12:27 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
It makes sense to me to chose someone who knows the children's parents well enough to do them justice while raising their children. I have chosen my parents as my sons guardian if my husband and I should both die. I realize now that it was a terrible mistake and actually feel a bit sick and tearful now as you have brought this question up. I'm a bit panicked actually. They have no idea how to raise our son as we would! They do not appreciate our lifestyle and our style of child rearing, not to mention my mother is not stable enough to look after her own emotional needs, let alone my sons and she would ban Mono from ever seeing him again.
Can't you have that changed?

Don't tell me there is some archaic backward law where you live that says once you pick a guardian for your kid you're stuck with them no matter what.
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Old 10-27-2009, 03:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
Can't you have that changed?
Legally it is very easy. From a sensitivity stand point it would be far more difficult. When I broke my marraige, I knew our close family friends were going to have difficulty in talking to me about removing me from legal guardianship of thier children. I brought the issue forward and told them that I understood the need to do this and that my ex wife was much better suited as a guardian.
Redpepper's parent's would be devastated but I understand her concern. Her son would be a much different man if raised by them. I think they would find it hard to actually pick other people who would raise him with thier openess and values actually..that is a hard one.
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 10-27-2009 at 03:22 PM.
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Old 10-27-2009, 03:33 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Legally it is very easy. From a sensitivity stand point it would be far more difficult. When I broke my marraige, I knew our close family friends were going to have difficulty in talking to me about removing me from legal guardianship of thier children. I brought the issue forward and told them that I understood the need to do this and that my ex wife was much better suited as a guardian.
Redpepper's parent's would be devastated but I understand her concern. Her son would be a much different man if raised by them. I think they would find it hard to actually pick other people who would raise him with thier openess and values actually..that is a hard one.

It sounds like RP is worried about the possibility of people thinking that she changed the guardianship designation out of spite and retaliation.

She can rest assured that I wouldn't see it that way. I would see it as making the hard decision to do what is best for her son. Of course, I'm not part of the circle of people who give a damn the most, but then again, I have nothing to gain or lose out of this.

All we can do is pray that nothing happens to Mr. and Mrs. Redpepper until they feel able to make that move on paper (or ever).
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