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  #31  
Old 09-08-2011, 11:48 PM
DancingNancy DancingNancy is offline
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And for the record bc I'm a spiteful biatch today, there was no "you kne this coming in..." I was told, do what you want and see where your feelings go, and he first time there was sex it was ONlY me and her, and he was freaking at work!
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  #32  
Old 09-08-2011, 11:51 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Well it sure sucks that you were supposed to KNOW what you were getting into and that they are a melded dysfunctional being. Ironically, I think the BIGGEST pro of poly for me at least, is that it helps get rid of that co-dependent BS that couples end up with when they can't tell where they end and their partner begins (or are even aware that there is a difference). I like knowing I'm an individual, and that what my SO and I want varies, that our hobbies, tastes, sexual desires and personalities don't all match, don't have to and that makes us a better couple instead of a worse one.

"if you don't want us how we are and how we come together than you really don't want either cause this is what we both want."

Heh...ya, you don't want either of them then cause that makes sense. That makes my head hurt.

Yay learning experience?
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Last edited by Anneintherain; 09-08-2011 at 11:53 PM.
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  #33  
Old 09-08-2011, 11:52 PM
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IrisAwakened IrisAwakened is offline
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Awesome. Just awesome.

So glad you set her straight! It sounds like she is a little freaky..."we are one" what? did they get surgery to accomplish that? Brings me back to my Star Trek days, the Borg, right? Creepy. Good job dodging that bullet.
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  #34  
Old 09-09-2011, 12:20 AM
DancingNancy DancingNancy is offline
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Yeah... Creepy. I'm so about individualism that I just want to make a sign and protest in the streets. Codependency... Scary shit! Not for me, tyvm. I the past four years, I have gotten engaged, married, had a baby, got a college degree, watched my infant beat liver cancer, and my husband cheat on me... And it sort of feels like I'm the one who should be crazy codependent!! No. Yes, lovely learning experience. At least I had the good sense to share the experience (knowledge of it) with a friend who made me laugh and laugh and laugh...
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  #35  
Old 09-09-2011, 12:23 AM
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JuliaGay JuliaGay is offline
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I'd say you dodged a bullet on this one. Run away, run very far away!!!!!

Hang in there.

JG
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  #36  
Old 09-09-2011, 01:39 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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I certainly wouldn't blame you if you just walked away from her/them completely. But, IF you think there's a chance they could come around, or be open to growing/learning, suggest that they read this: http://www.xeromag.com/fvpolydatingcouple.html

The xeromag essays are pretty much universally respected by people with actual, real life poly experience and one of the first things in there is that you should be suspicious of couples who say things like she's saying. Maybe reading that will give her some perspective.

Ugh. Sometimes reading stories on this site just makes me so depressed. So many people just can't seem to put themselves in someone else's shoes. I mean, has she *really* tried to think how she'd feel in your position???

Like everyone else has said... you should be very proud for not falling for the crap they were trying to push.
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The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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  #37  
Old 09-09-2011, 01:41 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Let me just quote here:

"- Be very skeptical of couples who say things like"Weonly want someonewho will date both of us" or "We expect someone to have the same feelings for both of us." It's generally neither reasonable nor possible to expect relationships with two different people to develop at the same rate and in the same way; there are many people who try to makethis happen, but it very rarely works. This combines two of the most common poly mistakes--trying to force relationships to fit a predefined shape, and expecting different relationships to develop the same way--into one.

Worse, some couples try to use this as a way to avoid dealing with jealousy or insecurity, naively believing that if both members of the couple are dating the same person, then nobody will feel "left out," and therefore nobody will feel jealous. In reality, it doesn't work that way; jealousy, like all emotional responses, is rarely rational, and does not often give way to rational thoughts like "Well, I'm having sex with her too, so I shouldn't feel jealous if he has sex with her!"

- Don't assume that it's necessary to develop a relationship with both people in a couple in exactly the same way; relationshipsgrow on their own, and no two relationships are ever the same anyway. Doing this may impose unrealistic expectations on you; even if you were to date identical twins, it would be reasonable to expect each relationship to develop differently! Remember, you may be dating a couple, but each person in that couple is still an individual."
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The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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  #38  
Old 09-09-2011, 02:00 AM
TruckerPete TruckerPete is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IrisAwakened View Post
Awesome. Just awesome.

So glad you set her straight! It sounds like she is a little freaky..."we are one" what? did they get surgery to accomplish that? Brings me back to my Star Trek days, the Borg, right? Creepy. Good job dodging that bullet.
Damn, someone beat me to the Borg reference ... fine. I'll go with Life of Brian.

Crowd, in unison: We are all individuals ...
Brian: Fuck off.
Crowd: How shall we fuck off, O Lord?
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  #39  
Old 09-09-2011, 02:11 AM
DancingNancy DancingNancy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post

Ugh. Sometimes reading stories on this site just makes me so depressed. So many people just can't seem to put themselves in someone else's shoes. I mean, has she *really* tried to think how she'd feel in your position???

Like everyone else has said... you should be very proud for not falling for the crap they were trying to push.

This is the KEY factor in my definitive decision to walk away. I deleted their numbers so I won't be tempted in a weak moment. Neither will imagine it from my shoes. and that's no basis for any friendship. I said more than once that I had no interest in taking away from their relationship,only adding to it, and developing My own. Boo ignorance. Boo being someone's experiment. Oh well, at least they were my experiment too. And I learned that I love boobies. Win.
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  #40  
Old 09-09-2011, 03:17 AM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DancingNancy View Post
Oh well, at least they were my experiment too. And I learned that I love boobies. Win.
*My* God blesses boobies. Oh yes she does.
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