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  #11  
Old 08-12-2011, 08:25 PM
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I've been thinking about my bisexuality lately. I think the best way to describe my preferences would be that I like mostly "feminine features" in a personality, but sometimes you can find them in a man as well. In a way I feel that both my partners are quite feminine, but not too much. This is really difficult to explain. I mean I think JJ is more feminine than men in average, which I love. And while rory is feminine too, she's not over the top feminine, which I wouldn't like either.

It's weird even writing about this because first I would have to define "feminine" and I don't really know how to. It would just be a list of features which obviously wouldn't apply to everyone, so I'll just leave it at that.
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Old 08-15-2011, 12:32 PM
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Gosh, haven't had time to write, though I've surely felt like it. Don't really remember what I wanted to write about. There's just been a lot going on. In my head, mostly.

I feel there have been a lot of "first steps" during the summer. It makes me kinda overwhelmed but not in a bad way; I don't feel like slowing down but there's a lot to process. A week ago Mya spent the weekend with me and Alec at our place (not our home but where we're staying with him) for the first time. Also, we've slept at the same apartment a few times before but this was the first time I slept with Mya while Alec was in the same apartment. In both literal and the other sense. Well, all interesting. Some of the monogamous people I know would possibly be surprised by the fact that the literal sense felt stranger to him that the sexual side. We talked about it, and it seems he didn't feel too bad, just missed me some. Mostly it just felt odd, that I was home but not sleeping in the same bed with him. I think the situation was a bit odd for all of us, but I'm sure that will pass with time as we get used to it. An expectation that hasn't failed me thus far: after all, most of the first steps have felt just as odd, but now many of them feel completely natural, such as PDAs with either one in front of the other. Poly sure is interesting, though.

I spent the weekend with Mya. We had some alone time and then went to meet some friends of ours. It was really lovely. <3 It was a large-ish group of people, and not everybody knew each other, and there were some we didn't know yet, so we had sort of an "introductory round". It was funny, since they started from the other side of the table and everybody said where they lived and whether they had husbands or were single. So, I got to say that I have a husband, and a girlfriend while pointing at Mya. Cool!
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Old 08-15-2011, 07:58 PM
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Also, we've slept at the same apartment a few times before but this was the first time I slept with Mya while Alec was in the same apartment. In both literal and the other sense. Well, all interesting. Some of the monogamous people I know would possibly be surprised by the fact that the literal sense felt stranger to him that the sexual side. We talked about it, and it seems he didn't feel too bad, just missed me some. Mostly it just felt odd, that I was home but not sleeping in the same bed with him. I think the situation was a bit odd for all of us, but I'm sure that will pass with time as we get used to it.
For me, this situation was particularly strange because I had never had sex with someone while a person I know is in the next room. I mean never. I moved out of my parents house quite young so I didn't have to deal with that and also I've never had sex with my partner while we've been visiting someone or someone's visiting us. It just doesn't feel right and I usually can't get in the right mood if I know someone I know could hear us. This time, maybe thanks to NRE, I did get in the mood and did it anyway, but I did feel strange. However, this is a situation I just have to accept since that's what the future holds for us. It's a rare luxury that I've had an apartment for myself for the summer and me and rory have been able to meet each other there. After the summer I'm going to be visiting rory and Alec's home so we don't really have any choice but to do it while he's in the apartment as well. It's just so hard being quiet!
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Old 08-25-2011, 12:18 PM
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I'm feeling anticipation. There's all kinds of good things coming, and I'm looking forward to them, although they come with some negative sides to them.

Tomorrow I'm travelling to Mya and we are spending together our last weekend for the summer. It's gonna be just the two of us, which will be lovely. I mean, we've spent a lot of time recently as a group, which has been great, but haven't had much alone time except for short periods. And we need it since it will be a while 'til the next time. Me and Alec are going home again in a week, and Mya is moving home to JJ as well. Therefore, our distance will go from 200km/2 hours by train to around 2000km/10 hours by car+plane+train... Oh, well. To be honest, it hasn't really felt like an LDR during the summer, since we've been able to meet almost weekly. It has been wonderful, but have to get adjusted to serious LDR again. We're planning to meet once a month in the future.

Otherwise, I'm really looking forward to going home. I'm exhausted to stay with relatives. Since I moved out at 16 I've always had my own place with Alec, and have gotten very used to my peace. I'm obviously really grateful for all the support we've received for the support (living abroad has costed a lot so we couldn't have rented a place for the summer). But I'm really looking forward to getting home with him.

Also, despite of my distance becoming bigger with Mya, I feel that I'll be able to be a better partner for both my loves once I get home. Right now I feel stretched out. I'm way more social than usual (I'm meeting many friends who live here), and all the sceduling is making me tired. And of course the biggest thing is the lack of my own space. Luckily, I've managed to take some time for myself, and had enough quality time with both Mya and Alec, so that all of our needs are being met. BUT, I like the thought of abundance, so that we wouldn't all only be getting what we need. Rather we would be getting more than we need, so we can feel there's plenty to go around and quality loving/sexy time is not a scarce resource. Because I do feel that I have a lot to give, but it has been limited because of our special living arrangements during the summer. Of course, it will still be limited with Mya because of the LDR but that's something we'll have to live with for the time being.
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  #15  
Old 08-25-2011, 01:12 PM
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Therefore, our distance will go from 200km/2 hours by train to around 2000km/10 hours by car+plane+train... Oh, well. To be honest, it hasn't really felt like an LDR during the summer, since we've been able to meet almost weekly. It has been wonderful, but have to get adjusted to serious LDR again. We're planning to meet once a month in the future.
You guys are so brave, Mya in particular, deciding to live in two countries in order for everyone to be happy. I don't know if I could do it.
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Old 08-25-2011, 07:13 PM
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You guys are so brave, Mya in particular, deciding to live in two countries in order for everyone to be happy. I don't know if I could do it.
Aaww, thanks. I guess it must look like a big compromise, but I don't think anyone who knows me will be very surprised about this arrangement. I mean, I love traveling (not just the new places but also the journey) and I also love the country rory and Alec are returning to. Although it's not the same city I used to live in, it's still the same country and I love the thought of spending time there. I've noticed that I tend to think quite similarly in many things: you can have your cake and eat it too. Well, the poly thing is obviously one of them. Living in two countries is another. I love the thought of enjoying the benefits of two different countries on a regular basis. It can get quite tiring after a while but I believe it will be worth it. And then again, if I've done it for so long already, why not add a few more years. I don't know if I could do this forever. Now I'm thinking about the fact that we'll likely live in the same country in a year or so and in the same city in 3 years. It's not too bad. I have faith in us, we can do this.

Last weekend was amazing! Me, rory and Alec traveled to JJ to spend the weekend at our house. I can't believe how much fun we're having! I truly feel like the luckiest person in the world to have these wonderful people in my life, lovers and metamours. On the way back I met Alec's mum and a few other relatives. It was an interesting situation. They don't know about me and rory yet, so I was just a friend. At least now when rory and Alec tell them, they'll know who they're talking about.

So tomorrow is my last day in my current job. Rory is coming here and we're spending the last weekend together before we all head back home. It's been an amazing summer, but the situation has also been very out of the ordinary. Everybody except JJ was living where they don't normally live. Like rory said, it hasn't really felt like a LDR with her, since we've been able to meet almost every week. 2 hours is nothing really. For me it has felt more like a LDR with JJ, because 7 hours is way more and we haven't met every week. Well, it's going to be the other way around from next week onwards, so I'm glad that I got to spend a lot of time with rory.
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Old 08-26-2011, 09:17 AM
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I'm glad you met Alec's mother, I really like her and my own mother is quite useless... I would have really liked to tell her we are in a relationship but we were there for just about an hour and a poly conversation is going to require a lot more time...

I have faith in us as well. I don't really know what it'll be like to be in a LDR, since I haven't really experienced one before. I know that I'll miss Mya a lot. But I strongly feel that we can do it. Our relationship is worth it, definitely. And I find that the worst of NRE is over: there's still a lot of the good stuff, but I am no longer obsessing over Mya and poly and am well able to think about other stuff and concentrate on other things. And that's definitely a good thing. It will make being apart easier, too, being able to have a life...
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Old 08-28-2011, 08:10 PM
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The weekend was perfect. Just perfect. Me and rory had quality time together and did all sorts of things. She came with me when I had a tattoo on Friday, it was lovely to have her there for support. Oh and she brought me a sweet little flower, I loved that! On Saturday we went shopping for a bit and then had a night out. We went to listen to a cover band playing my favourite artist's songs and some others too. They were really good! And then today we stayed in and just talked for hours, analysing everything. We do that a lot. We talked about some quite important subjects and I felt very close to her emotionally. Gosh, I can't believe I've found someone like her. This is just too good to be true.

Now I feel sad and happy at the same time. Tomorrow I'm moving back home to JJ which I'm really looking forward to. But I also know that I'm not going to see rory for a month, except via skype of course. It's going to be difficult to adjust to it, but I'm sure we'll get used to it.
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Old 09-08-2011, 04:53 PM
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I'm back home, and really happy about that. Me and Alec both have our own spaces again, which is really good for us. We got some new stuff for our apartment, including a good mattress for overnight guests...

I miss Mya quite a bit, since we haven't seen each other in almost two weeks, but so far I feel it's been pretty easy to handle. Obviously I've had a lot to do with the moving so I haven't had time to dwell on it. We've begun to use more skype again (during the summer we met weekly so there wasn't much need) and Mya and JJ are coming to visit in a couple of weeks, so it'll be ok.
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Old 09-08-2011, 08:41 PM
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Yesterday we had a lovely skype call with Mya. We talked about a lot of things, and also about what we like about in each other and this relationship. I love Mya a lot and I feel our relationship enrichens my life. I love the fact that she likes to think and talk about all kinds of stuff and has a broad range of interests. Also, it feels good that all of this is starting to feel so natural. There isn't that overwhelming need to process poly all the time as there was for a while. We've been together 5 months now, and while there is obviously still some NRE there's also a growing amount of the more stable kind of love. I feel secure and confident of our connection and her love.

I'm really happy with the whole situation. I think opening to poly has changed much of how I used to think, how I used to live my love life. I'm not sure who it was on this forum, and where, who wrote something really good about time sharing and the effects of NRE. But the point was that it's important, whomever you're spending time with, to truly be present in that moment. And that message really struck me. Me and Alec started our relationship young and had been together for 7 years. I was happy with him before but I do think I wasn't always really present with him. I also haven't been great with boundaries, which contributes: e.g. if I don't get enough alone time I can't enjoy spending time with him and he can't know I need it if I don't tell him (or if I don't realise that need myself). Somehow being in a different relationship dynamic at the same time has helped me to see more clearly what it is I need and want in a relationship. And all the reading about poly and communication and boundaries has helped, too. I think a lot of this has been a change coming for a longer time, but poly stepped in at a really good time and has had an impact as well. I feel I'm being present with Alec, and really seeing who he is. Obviously I knew he had changed a lot during the time we've been together, but somehow the fact that we had been life partners for so long had made me feel like I already know him. Which was true in some respects. But I've also learned a lot about him in the last 5 months, stuff that's changed but also stuff we have just never come to talk about. I feel I appreciate him more than I used to. Don't get me wrong, I did respect him and love him before, too! I hope it doesn't sound like I didn't. But I'm just realising all there is to him I didn't know about, all of which makes me love him even more.

At this moment I feel I'm living life to the fullest in every respect, including relationships. And I'm seriously enjoying all the openness, company, love, sex and connectedness... Life is good. <3
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