Originally Posted by leannahope
Good point. Unfortunately, having different needs/wants than someone else in a relationship is not just a poly thing, it's a dating issue in general. I wish you the best of luck, dear.
True, true! It's such a tricky question, when to bring up those sorts of things. Too early and you might scare a person off, too late and you might find you've gone farther than you meant to along different tracks. But if you're at the losing sleep stage, I would definitely have at least a light conversation with him about it. Something along the lines of:
"I really like you and I'm curious to see where this could lead, but this is all so new to me! Our relationship is young, so I'm not looking to define it at this earlier stage, but I want to know what's possible. Do you see this as only ever being a casual thing, or do you think it could some day get more serious? I would never try to replace your wife just like I know you'd never try to replace my bf, but what if this became very important to both of us? Do you think you'd try to clamp down on things to keep from having two deeply-involved/primary partners, or is there a possibility that we would just see where it goes?
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.