Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #7  
Old 09-08-2011, 02:12 PM
peabean peabean is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 52
Default

No, you are not misunderstanding. If a triad is to work then each relationship has to develop. Otherwise the person coming in will always feel like an outsider. How are you supposed to feel when they say 'us' as in the two of them? In reality, I would rather have 'us' mean all three of us.

In my triad I make a conscious effort to say 'I' instead of 'we' when talking to my girlfriend. This actually has an impact on our thinking patterns since in this way I'm standing with her unconditionally. I don't need my husband to love her for me to love her. He doesn't need me to love her for he to love her. We all need to love each other individually in order to love together as three people.

I find the language for these concepts lacking. Whenever I write this stuff out I feel like I sound like an idiot. But, I will keep trying because apparently functional triads are unusual and anyone in a triad needs support.

It sounds like the couple you were involved with wasn't ready for this. I've learned that the couple has to be open to changing their relationship in order to form a triad. You can't just 'add another person' and expect your original couple dynamics to stay the same. Being in a triad forces us to keep changing, keep evolving the way we love each other. I'm very happy for it but it can be terribly frightening at times.

Good luck on your journey.
Reply With Quote
 

Tags
co-dependency, couples, secondaries, secondary, secondary feelings, triad, unicorn, unicorns

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:36 AM.