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  #11  
Old 09-08-2011, 02:55 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DancingNancy View Post
. . . its so unrealistic to tell me that I can't have individual relationships.
Well, that's the biggest red flag right there, telling you whom you can or cannot have a relationship with. It does sound like they only want you for sex, and only on their terms. Either that, or one of them is probably very protective of the other and afraid. It seems like, relationship-wise, they are immature and/or insecure, and perhaps not really ready for poly. In fact, I don't even know why you're still considering getting involved. By the end of this thread, unless they've changed their position in this, if you've decided it's a "no go" it would seem quite a prudent decision. As it stands, what they want right now is sorta creepy.
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Last edited by nycindie; 09-08-2011 at 06:57 AM.
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  #12  
Old 09-08-2011, 02:57 AM
DancingNancy DancingNancy is offline
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Mmm hmm.
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  #13  
Old 09-08-2011, 03:19 AM
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JuliaGay JuliaGay is offline
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Well...keep on keepin' on, Nancy. All poly people aren't like this experience.
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  #14  
Old 09-08-2011, 04:04 AM
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Originally Posted by DancingNancy View Post
Side note:
As I am the first newcomer into their longterm relationship... What do you think the odds are that even they don't know it's unrealistic?? Innocent ignorance? I'd be in the same boat if I wasn't compulsive about educating myself about everything.
I would say you're probably right that they don't know how unrealistic they're being... and the previous posters are all 1,000% correct, they're being extremely, dangerously unrealistic. Stick to your guns on this one. If they're too afraid to let you get to know them one on one, then they're too afraid for this to work out. Group time is great, but a certain degree of intimacy ONLY happens one on one. Real, deep loving human relationships need that dynamic.

Tell them to read what we've all said here, tell them to read other related threads on this site, tell them to read xeromag or any other poly resource out there. If they aren't willing to treat you like an individual with whom they're each having a relationship, let them go. Tell them they can call you when they're ready to reconsider.
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  #15  
Old 09-08-2011, 06:35 AM
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There is tons on here about "unicorns (there, I said it)," "secondaries," "lessons" and "foundations" too if you do a search in the tags...

They can request what they want I reckon, you just don't have to go along with it if it is not reasonable to do so. It is reasonable to ask for private conversations, to build relationships with each of them individually as well as together and it is reasonable to go about doing your own thing... if these things are an issue and they are unwilling to negotiate some boundaries in regards to them, then, ya, walk.... no one should be dictated to unless it is agreed upon.
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  #16  
Old 09-08-2011, 06:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JuliaGay View Post
Well...keep on keepin' on, Nancy. All poly people aren't like this experience.
Yes, there are enlightened poly couples out there, somewhere.
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  #17  
Old 09-08-2011, 10:54 AM
DancingNancy DancingNancy is offline
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Hugs. Thanks.
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  #18  
Old 09-08-2011, 11:22 AM
DancingNancy DancingNancy is offline
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Well, she never answered. It was a sleepless night of praying her cell got dropped in water, anything to explain the silence. But... I'm a big girl, and I think I know what silence means.
I can thank them for awakening a part of me dead for the better half of a decade. I can be thankful for the shove into a place where I'm oddly comfortable. Thanks to them for helping me realize what I am capable of... Maybe... Someday... Thanks to you all for showing me it can be a family.
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  #19  
Old 09-08-2011, 11:28 AM
DancingNancy DancingNancy is offline
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Cindie, your words speak so clearly to me.
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  #20  
Old 09-08-2011, 01:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DancingNancy View Post
Well, she never answered. It was a sleepless night of praying her cell got dropped in water, anything to explain the silence. But... I'm a big girl, and I think I know what silence means.
Um, that she's a twat?
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