Hello. I've been contacted by a former partner who wants to reunite. I'm looking for some advice on things I ought to be considering as I decide whether to do this or not.
Here's the background: We met earlier this year and fell deeply in love pretty quickly. Things between he and were/are good, for the most part. He broke up with me when his wife invoked her veto power because she couldn't manage her own emotions about him loving another person. The sex part was just fine with her. He has been in polyamorous relationships before, but not with this wife. He kept saying she was handling it okay and then I got blindsided by the veto. They do not have rules/guidelines/whatever that say the primary partner must meet the potential partner before a relationship begins, but we were planning to meet when he broke it off. I think not meeting her earlier may have contributed to her issues, but I'll never know for sure.
And here are my issues: While I love him deeply, I'm feeling a bit of whiplash. We communicated a few times via email after he broke things off. He told me consistently that he thought his wife would change her mind. It took her about a month to do that. Not knowing her at all, I had no way to gauge the truth in that. So I started the grieving process and preparing to move on. I've been through most of the stages at one point or another since I tend to slide back and forth through them....
I've insisted on meeting her before we go any further. I have asked for some assurance from both of them that I won't be treated as disposable again. And that when something comes up, she'll agree to work through it rather than invoking veto immediately. And that he will remind her of that agreement if she tries. While I know that reuniting with him will be risky based on our past, I am trying to mitigate some of the risk. I'm aware that they could both lie, but I believe that most people keep their word once they've given it.
What else should I be considering? I'm drawing a blank and I'm sure there are other things.
Thanks in advance for your help!
"But you've got to be tough when consumed by desire
'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire
Life is not tried, it is merely survived
When you're standing outside the fire"
Garth Brooks and Jenny Yates