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Old 09-07-2011, 02:30 AM
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ray ray is offline
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Only you can judge whether you and Cherry have good compatibility, so I say this not to you specifically but as a general thing. We often make the assumption that because a relationship has lots of good aspects that we should hold on no matter what. But I am finding that if there's something important, even if it's one thing, that's just not working, all those good things don't make it a good relationship. Obviously, there's a difference between something needing time to settle and an aspect NOT WORKING. Sometimes, I see mono-poly dynamics and many of them just seem like they're not working. Obviously, there are examples of some who do but sometimes I wonder if people are trying to fit square pegs in round holes and again... It's Just Not Working.
Perhaps that's something that needs to be understood more. How to know when to say enough's enough versus let's try harder. I'm not trying to say that mono/poly dynamics are bad and unhealthy. I just think that if some one really doesn't want polyamory or monogamy and they're just trying to will themselves to be okay with something they're NOT....it's totally nuts. I have personal experience with this so perhaps it's an emotional subject. My metamour of my previous relationship, tried really hard but couldn't stand up to her husband and say what she wanted. I guess my issue is that I see people (including me) unable/unwilling to stand up and say, hey this isn't working, obviously we aren't going to make good lovers, I still care about you...I need XYZ in a relationship and we can't give that to each other.
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ideal, middle, mono, poly, pressure

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