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Old 09-05-2011, 07:45 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trueRiver View Post
nycyndie, I find your persistence with this personally offensive. It is not the topic of this thread to discuss whether men *should* be broody, but how those of us who actually *are* can combine that with being poly. You are of course welcome to start a new thread, but please stop hijacking mine.

But in fact, to correct your incorrect and very presumptious assumption: I was taught to believe that by my feminist mother who believed that equality meant men could take an equal role in parenting, and should do so whenever possible, who encouraged by broody tendencies from around age 3 when she first identified them, and with some delight I think.

She was, of course, from a different generation of feminists from those who subsequently sought to exclude men from childcare.
Oh, geez, again with putting words in my mouth. If you choose to feel offended by my engaging in a discussion you started and offering a perspective you perhaps hadn't thought of, then you are being very close-minded. Additionally, you've made assumptions about me that are incorrect.

I never said nor implied that you, or any man, should not have a desire to have children. I never made any assumptions about you personally. Where did you get all that? Every response you've written to my posts makes me wonder if you actually read them or not. Your interpretations are absurdly off-base.

I said it is patriarchal society that teaches us all that a child's paternity is of the utmost importance. Yet you seem to be confusing that with some wacky idea you have that I'm against men taking equal part in childraising... huh? That makes absolutely no sense. I said that children need love to thrive. I didn't say men should not be a part of that. I love seeing men take responsibility and raise their kids. However, the fact that patriarchal culture emphasizes such importance on "carrying on the family line" puts a lot of children in orphanages, and a lot of misguided couples through emotional turmoil as they spend all their money at fertility clinics. You even acknowledged in your first post that the importance you place on having biological offspring is irrational.
Quote:
Originally Posted by trueRiver View Post
I am not open to the idea that I am wrong to feel what I feel. I am not open to the suggestion that I should think about what is more important to you, rather than what feels immensely important to me. . . . why do you prefer to tell us what we should want, rather than building from what we do want?
How melodramatic. No one here told you what to feel or think, nor what you should want in your life. We're all just anonymous people on a message board, where you asked for opinions and got them. Taking offense at getting what you asked for is silly -- and rather perplexing, given the fact that you stated: "I'd appreciate any thoughts, theories, ideas, and experiences anyone else has on this." I now realize you didn't actually mean it when you wrote that.

You asked about how to deal with wanting children and raising them in a poly situation. I think it is useful to consider all aspects of the topic. I've seen a few posts here where a unicorn-hunting couple will say, "Our third absolutely cannot get pregnant," which raises the hackles of anyone who supports a woman's right to choose what to do with her own body. And, yes, your inquiry into how to tell a woman who would be allowed to impregnate her raised issues of exerting control over a woman's biology. Your questions also reminded me of a tribal society about which I'd read, the Na, which happens to be polyamorous, who successfully raise their children with an approach that does not emphasize the importance of paternity. The men themselves are not unimportant in that culture, just the role of Father is. I think it's wonderful that children in that society are raised by family without the need for a stern father figure or even husbands. How refreshing that everyone, men included, help raise the children of their families and go to work to support the community, not just the ones they sired! I thought the correlation to a polyamorous family was an apt one and I shared it here as a way to illuminate the issue from a different perspective.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
What kind of control could you expect to exert over that situation?
Quote:
Originally Posted by trueRiver View Post
I am not sure what you meant by "control" - but I am not going to discuss this further with someone who just wants to tell me what they think I should want.
I really cannot fathom how you could possibly misconstrue my genuinely asking how you would be able to control a situation in which you got two partners pregnant, as anything remotely like telling you what you should want. It truly boggles the mind.

Hijacking your thread? No. My contribution to it is quite relevant, which you would see if you stopped reading my posts through your filters of defensiveness, arrogance, and indignation.

.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 09-06-2011 at 03:09 AM.
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anthropology, baby, broody, child rearing, children, communal living, culture, family, jealousy, kids, poly families, raising kids, tribe

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