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Old 09-04-2011, 03:23 PM
polyq4 polyq4 is offline
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Default quad in life

OK so here is where we are at:

This is my first post to this board.

My wife (Rox) and i were into swinging. I guess more me than her. But she really seemed to enjoy it when she did connect. So we met this one couple through a swinging board, I will call Bob and Jenn. We met with them the first time and we got together very well. I had some concerns that she (jenn) was not enjoying it as much, although she has since told me that it was just more nerves.

That was almost 5 years ago. We then didn't see them for quite a while almost 8 months. We did then meet a few more times and it went very well, but we realized along the way we had a lot of the same values in life and were enjoying things very nicely. Bob and Rox started chatting on MSN a lot, and somewhere along the way, she fell in love with Bob and vice versa. Jenn initially had some issues with this and things were a bit unstable for a while. In the meantime Jenn and I also got together quite a bit.

A couple of years ago we were looking for a house and we decided we wanted to try living near our very good friends, so we moved within a km from them. Also Rox started working for Jenn and Bob.

Now we regularly have sleepovers where they come over and we sleep in separate rooms with each others spouse, (IE myself and Jenn). We spend a LOT of time together and sometimes we even all play together. I have learned that I am bi sexually from this, and have enjoyed some good times with Bob, and we have had numerous 3 ways in many of the times when one was missing for one reason or another.

However the biggest thing I have learned is that we Rox and i are polyamourous (and bi-amourous). Sometimes Rox still has feelings that she is not good enough and thats why i have a secondary. I will always tell her and I do that is simply no where near the truth. My second is totally a different relationship then with Rox and neither relationship takes away from the other but gives far more.

one of the latest developments is that if there is a conversation about myself with maybe another GF, all of a sudden Jenn can get quite Jealous not of her first but of me, in fact we have all had a good laugh when she gets that way. I know she is trying to deal with those feelings and she says she really didn't expect them and has realized just how much she loves me.

Of course I have had feelings for sometime that i would l like another GF, one that might eventually move in with us. This is something i have just started expressing, of course I am trying to respect the ladies feelings as I really do not want them to feel insecure or not good enough. Also i have not really found anyone, but i do know I don't just want a sex partner. I want a lover and more.

If anyone would like to put their comments i would love to hear from you. I am being told a quad like this is the hardest to maintain and it has had its ups a downs, but it has also been very good.

Last edited by polyq4; 09-04-2011 at 04:41 PM.
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  #2  
Old 09-04-2011, 09:32 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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So, you are in a quad and want the possibility of having an additional girlfriend. Do you think you may want any additional partners to also be a part of the quad (making it more of a tribe, I think!) or do you just want someone "for yourself?" (for lack of a better way to put it) If your quad has never made an agreement to be polyfidelitous, I don't see any problem, really.

It just sounds like it might be a good time to all get together and review basic boundaries to make sure everyone in your quad is on the same page and is aware of what's going on. It sounds like none of you really ever said, "Okay, it's not swinging anymore. Now we're all poly." I think that it is a good sign that Jenn is able to laugh with you about her jealousy, but make sure you aren't making her feel "wrong" for feeling that way. I also assume that you would be okay with anyone else in the quad taking on additional lovers.
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Last edited by nycindie; 09-04-2011 at 09:35 PM.
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Old 09-05-2011, 02:14 PM
polyq4 polyq4 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
So, you are in a quad and want the possibility of having an additional girlfriend. Do you think you may want any additional partners to also be a part of the quad (making it more of a tribe, I think!) or do you just want someone "for yourself?" (for lack of a better way to put it) If your quad has never made an agreement to be polyfidelitous, I don't see any problem, really.

It just sounds like it might be a good time to all get together and review basic boundaries to make sure everyone in your quad is on the same page and is aware of what's going on. It sounds like none of you really ever said, "Okay, it's not swinging anymore. Now we're all poly." I think that it is a good sign that Jenn is able to laugh with you about her jealousy, but make sure you aren't making her feel "wrong" for feeling that way. I also assume that you would be okay with anyone else in the quad taking on additional lovers.

As far as a GF goes that would be to some degree up to the Quad too, and the new GF would have to come naturally. And if the new GF would like to be part of the quad that would be up to her and the quad. I am not really out looking, I dont have any ads up or anything. And really if someone else were to find another that would be great, in my view that is what Poly is all about.
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Old 09-05-2011, 02:46 PM
polyq4 polyq4 is offline
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Default this weekend

This weekend seems to have gone very well. My wife Rox is starting to see just how much I love her too, and that anything I have with Jenn does not take away from her, and that she is not second. Her and Jenn are totally different. And I am liking that. We got along really great this weekend. Jenn and Bob came over for a sleepover, Jenn and I took the smaller bed again and we had a great night. This morning the ladies are working together in the kitchen. They are now starting to call each other 'sisters', but i think its even more than that. Bob has gone off to his house to do some stuff there. And I am on the computer, playing around, going to do some work stuff. And being 'on call' for the ladies in case I am needed.

Life is good. Yes being in a Quad can take work, but the rewards are great.
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Old 09-06-2011, 12:59 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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I am glad it's working out for all of you!
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Old 09-07-2011, 02:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by polyq4 View Post
This weekend seems to have gone very well. My wife Rox is starting to see just how much I love her too, and that anything I have with Jenn does not take away from her, and that she is not second. Her and Jenn are totally different. And I am liking that. We got along really great this weekend. Jenn and Bob came over for a sleepover, Jenn and I took the smaller bed again and we had a great night. This morning the ladies are working together in the kitchen. They are now starting to call each other 'sisters', but i think its even more than that. Bob has gone off to his house to do some stuff there. And I am on the computer, playing around, going to do some work stuff. And being 'on call' for the ladies in case I am needed.

Life is good. Yes being in a Quad can take work, but the rewards are great.
Groan < sooo jealous haha.... you guys are so living my dream scenario! :P lol best wishes
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Old 09-11-2011, 05:51 PM
polyq4 polyq4 is offline
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Default quickie today

this week the 4 of us have spent sporadic moments together. Rox has been over there helping with Reno's and such. So this morning they came over for brunch, however we ended up playing first before we ate lol. Rox and Bob left first, however some tension developed after. Rox and Bob got into it (in a good way) before Brunch, however Roz really hates playing and running. She wants that cuddle time. Unfortunately Bob quite often does not. today once one of those occasions and Rox ended up being in tears for a bit after I was alone with her. I really do hurt when I see her like that. Jenn and I had a really good time together and i felt really bad when we heard the others start making brunch, as then we felt we had to hurry and that was not what I wanted to do. So today I am feeling bad that Rox is hurting and there is not a lot I can do, except try and comfort her.

Last edited by polyq4; 09-11-2011 at 05:54 PM.
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Old 09-13-2011, 12:53 AM
polyq4 polyq4 is offline
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So Rox and Jenn went out to do some errands for a bit, next thing i hear is that Rox and Bob were together, so I went over to bob and Jenns place and rox and bob were enjoying each other , they apparently had a talk and then made up 8-) . And Rox was similing now. So it can be some work but it can also be rewarding.

Me on the other hand, i feel as long as i make the effort to see Jenn, she is very happy to see me, but she just does not seem to want to get up and see me. I have expressed that to her and we will see over the next little while what happens.
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Old 09-13-2011, 04:09 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Sounds like you guys are dealing with normal issues of the type that any new relationship would encounter, and you're dealing with them via communication. Kudos!
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Old 12-28-2011, 05:48 PM
polyq4 polyq4 is offline
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Default Life is very good

We have had a very nice week, i guess we are a rare animal because the 4 of us share (all of us). As an example yesterday started with our bf coming over to do some work in our driveway. While my son (older @24) and i watched TV my wife and bf went upstairs and made out (very quietly lol). later my wife and i went over to their place (we dont live far apart.)

Before dinner my gf and I went upstairs and hung out and played together while the other 2 hung out downstairs. When we down there was a bit of play going on and then the 2 guys played very briefly with each other. After that we made dinner, after dinner i wnet back upstairs with my gf.

After my gf and i were done playing we settled in for some cuddling and then my wife and bf came up. All 4 of us settled into the bed for some naked fun , i made love to m gf while my wife and the bf made love. it was almost midnight before we got back home.

So we are now a solid fourple with no rules and just basically love. (there is even some very light talk of the 4 of us moving in together).
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