Is Open a subset of poly? Or something different?

[OpenandCountry]

My husband started out by being poly, got married, decided to have an open marriage, and then I found another guy that made me happy and I consider him my boyfriend. So I guess we're poly again? My husband isn't interested in finding a girlfriend, just casual sex, however, my boyfriend is very much a mono, and doesn't want anyone outside of his relationship with me at the moment. Does the fact that we all have different drives/desires for relationships change the definition of the group?

[trueRiver]

Originally Posted by leannahope

My husband started out by being poly, got married, decided to have an open marriage, and then I found another guy that made me happy and I consider him my boyfriend. So I guess we're poly again?

If that was all, it would be poly

My husband isn't interested in finding a girlfriend, just casual sex,

Then your relationship with your husband is open, or possibly open/poly

however, my boyfriend is very much a mono, and doesn't want anyone outside of his relationship with me at the moment.

I would say that the fact that he is content for you to have multiple partners makes the relationship poly.

Some people would call it poly/mono to reflect the difference. But for me, the acceptance of a third partner means that your boyfriend is not the usual jealous mono.

Does the fact that we all have different drives/desires for relationships change the definition of the group?

yes, the group as a whole is not poly (some casual sex), nor is it a swinger group (you have more than one loving sexual relationship). It is ethical and open (ethical as everyone knows what is going on, everyone consents),

open if (as I think you mean) your husband is allowed to have casual sex with people outside the relationship?

But this is all words. What matters is that all of you are content with all the arrangements. If so, who cares what it is called?

[OpenandCountry]

I don't really care what we're called, either. just curious what I should refer to myself as on this forum. I guess I'll just stick with calling myself the hinge of a poly Vee.

[trueRiver]

Originally Posted by leannahope

I don't really care what we're called, either. just curious what I should refer to myself as on this forum. I guess I'll just stick with calling myself the hinge of a poly Vee.

That will do for short, if you don't mind leaving out your husband's casual relationships.

The hinge of an open poly Vee would suggest that all three of you were open to casual relationships in addition to the Vee

If you wanted to be exact, you are the hinge of a poly Vee, and one your partners is open to other relationships.

Within these forums, which description you use probably depends on what the point is of mentioning the relationship: the context will suggest how much info is relevant.

[OpenandCountry]

Okay, thanks for the help. I'm such a n00b.