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Old 09-04-2011, 10:10 PM
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River River is offline
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Default Polyamory and monogamy as belief systems / paradigms

I'd like to explore the notion that polyamory and monogamy may be, at root, little more than differing systems of belief, and primarily a set of common (or less common) beliefs about loving relationships.

(Perhaps it will turn out otherwise, who knows? This is an open inquiry, not a finished "position" that I'm going to defend as if I had full and certain knowledge.)

In another thread, moments ago, I said that I used to be monogamously inclined and that I changed to become polyamorously inclined. When I look at what this transformation entailed, I see that what mainly changed for me was my belief system about loving relationships (and sexuality as well, and "romantic love").

I used to believe (however consciously) that "true love" was something that happened between two people, and two people only. I believed including another romantic love partner beyond this dyad meant either "watering down" (diluting) this love or otherwise discrediting or diminishing it. This I no longer believe. In fact, I believe having more than one love at the same time can raise the overall love level--and have had this experience.

There are many other beliefs, some core and some more peripheral, which comprise what I've recently been thinking of as two very different "paradigms" or theories of love -- romantic or otherwise. The one I just described seems to be at the core of the two contrasting paradigms, and I'd like -- over time -- to identify and share more beliefs of this kind. Perhaps you'd like to help?

What are the differing belief systems in their particulars? Of course, differing people will have varied particular beliefs in either paradigm, but I feel there must be a basic pattern to these differing beliefs / paradigms.
"Love is always a matter of learning how to live in an unknown land."

"Love is always about learning the Nature of things."

-- Martín Prechtel

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beliefs, relationship myths

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