Broody men, Jealousy, and Poly
I am a little confused by the interaction of two parts of me.
I am broody: I want to have children, I want to be part of my children's upbringing, and it is irrationally important to me to know that some/all of the children I am bringing up are related to me genetically.
On the other hand, I have never really been jealous of partners wanting to be with other partners or (in the few times it has actually happened) of them actually being with other partners.
But where these two points collide is where children are concerned. Suppose (and there is nobody specific in mind when I say this) suppose I get together with XX, (XX is the genetic code for female, of course), and we agree to have children, and we agree to be poly, and suppose she wants relationships with other blokes....
Thinking of this, I start to get where the whole monogamous culture comes from. Like, to be sure who my kids are, I will just enslave half the human race and make sure other blokes don't sleep with 'my' breeding partners. Seems like overkill, and more than a little unfair, but I do see the motivation.
I am sure monogamy is not the answer, but...
Like, OK, so we adopt fluid boundaries, the idea being XX can have sex with other guys without getting pregnant... Yes, but then what if the contraceptive fails... Automatic abortion? that sounds really icky to me...
Or do we say that XX can't have sex with fertile blokes while we are trying for a baby? Is that a fair thing for me to insist on?
How would some of you poly ladies here feel if your bf asked that in those circumstances? You can have sex with other fellas but not risk pregnancy?
Is this horrible and sexist to want the kind of certaintly over who my children are that women get automatically (IVF and other artificial aids excepted) ? Or is it anti-sexist as it undermines patriarchy right at its roots?
Ultimately, this is one of those poly-specific questions that do not arise for monos, but that I will need to discuss with someone one day (at least, that I very much *hope* to have the need to discuss with someone ...), but I'd appreciate any thoughts, theories, ideas, and experiences anyone else has on this.
There are two Rivers here now: which one is this?
see quaker poly experiences and poly: a quaker perspective
I hope other British Quakers who are poly (or wonder if they are) will contact me here, thanks, Friends.
|anthropology, baby, broody, child rearing, children, communal living, culture, family, jealousy, kids, poly families, raising kids, tribe|