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Old 09-01-2011, 09:12 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Amor, to me, none of what you did constitutes cheating. I honestly don't believe in emotional cheating in the sense that holding 2 people or more in your heart would be cheating. Emotional cheating to me is when you actively choose to love another when you know it will hurt your spouse, SO, etc. AND when you seek that love out from the other in return. You were upfront with the guy and your hubby. Maybe you got your order of operations wrong; you should have told the hubby first then the friend, IMO. But beating yourself up for caring deeply for a friend, even loving them, is so hurtful to yourself. Love itself isn't wrong, it is our actions that can be viewed as right or wrong.
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Old 09-02-2011, 09:32 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Hey there,

I know how hard it is to deal with this feelings initially. I hid my feelings for another man for over 3 years until I couldn't deceive myself any more. I manage to do so because I didn't want to admit to myself what the truth was. You can't go against your feelings and even if your husband is mad at you for falling in love, be sure to get things clear: He can try to or wish to forbid these feelings but how successful will this be? I think that MichelleZed is absolutely right, you missed the starting point when thing got serious you didn't 'fuck up' up to now in my opinion. Try to get the things you want, your husband wants and 'the other' wants clear and talk about it.

Some words of encouragement: My husband reacted a bit cooler than yours when I confronted him with my emotional mess but I think it is possible to sort this situation out. We pulled it off and are still happily doing the work that it needs to be taken further. Good luck.
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Old 09-02-2011, 06:37 PM
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SoCalExile SoCalExile is offline
Join Date: Jul 2011
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Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
Where, rarely are they asked to give up loving that partner.
I'm not so sure about that- it's my distinct impression that once the scandal of cheating has broken, the common demand from the cheated-on that the outside affair end almost always carries the assumption that the emotional ties be severed as well.

Your experience might be different, but I don't think the above is uncommon at all.
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Old 09-04-2011, 12:15 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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It seems to me like this could get on a better path. RIGHT NOW! If I were you I would start being honest. Tell your partner you have heard from this man, what he said and how you feel about it. Tell him you intend to have integrity from here on in and what you plan is to do so. I would figure out a plan first on how to live life more honestly though. The foundations thread might help with that. Try a tag search on "foundations" to find it. I know its scary, but look where fear got you last time. It caused lack of trust in your relationship and almost made you loose both of them. I think I would opt for walking through my fear and see what happens. You don't have anything to lose at this point.
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