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Old 09-03-2011, 04:54 PM
MorningTwilight MorningTwilight is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Austin, TX
Posts: 146

Originally Posted by troubles View Post
He didn't want me to go farther with the other man than he did with the other women. Sorry if that was unclear.
And it sounds like he was also unclear, beforehand. No one can know what is in another's mind without actually being TOLD. This is not your fault. I'm not saying it's his, either--there was miscommunication, and now there are hurt feelings. It happens all the time.

Originally Posted by troubles
I felt guilty on my own. He did say the first thing. I can't shake the guilt, because it does seem selfish to me in some regards.
Why do you feel guilty? You had a new experience--with your husband's blessing--and found that you really enjoyed it. There is NOTHING there to feel guilty about. Yeah, you went farther with the man than your husband thought you would, but he didn't TELL you beforehand, did he? You are not to blame for failing to read his mind!

As for "selfish," I find that funny (not in a "ha ha" way). My wife told me she thought I was selfish for wanting to live as a poly, but it's she who wants me all to herself, does not want to share, and wants me to choke down my feelings so that she doesn't have to deal with fear or discomfort.

So, I don't think you're being selfish, either, especially if you are considering your husband's feelings. I'm not saying that you should tiptoe around them, but keeping them in mind and not deliberately doing anything to hurt him is definitely not selfish. Be open and honest (and gentle) about what you want, and have a look at the many threads here about opening a relationship.
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partner swapping, swinging, ultimatums, veto

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