Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 10-01-2009, 07:29 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,260
Default

WOW this whole page was amazing to read. Thanks for sharing Redpepper AND .... I forgot your name..... I can't see if from this page either... live something or another...

I enjoyed reading your dialogue about jealousy!
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 10-01-2009, 08:23 PM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by live4themusic View Post

So I'm hoping I can offer the following concession: I would be willing to get back with Mary in for all intensive purposes a monogamous relationship with a couple caveats: if either of us meet someone we believe we would both be capable of experiencing love with we discuss the interest amongst ourselves first. After both of us have come into contact with the person of interest we could consider dating them individually or as a couple if we are both interested in that person. Otherwise, neither of us will act on any interest in anyone else outside the relationship at any point.

Does this sound reasonable? Does this sound like the kind of thing a primarily monogamous person would be capable of? Obviously I will have to ask her this, but it seems to me that it's a fair agreement on my part because if she is not also interested in whoever I'm interested, all she has to do is tell me and I won't pursue them.
This is a fair agreement. But it may be one that will leave a whole bag on "what ifs and insecurities". New friendships may cause stress and doubt, fear and anxiety.

The key here is if she is wired monogamously to her very core, she probably won't be interested in anyone you are. Or she will be monogamously interested in them. If you're mono, you feel that attraction to one person at a time! Connections break when new ones form. That's just our nature.

Monogamous relationships generally don't have "open relationship" caveats. It's a play on words that says I will be mono with you until I find someone we both like. That's really just hibernating poly

So in asking if this is a fair agreement for a mono primary..sure if she is honest in her response and acceptance of the "caveats".
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 10-01-2009, 10:30 PM
secondchance secondchance is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 15
Default

This whole thread really was wonderful to read.

I am new to poly as well but I can relate to so much of it, expecially the first few posts. My advice is, if you truly are poly and she truly is mono, it may be best to end it now. Don't put aside your feelings,

My gf and I discussed poly because I was interested a few years ago, and she was not receptive to the idea at all. The resentment grew, I stayed with her, and am now finally about to break up with her. The unhappiness of these past few years was really unnecessary and maybe I should have gone through with it then. Now I have let things go way too far and am now about to lose one of my very best friends.

I know the idea of losing someone you love is scary, but the longer you let it go to worse it will get. You can't pretend to be someone else because of someone.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 10-26-2009, 07:08 AM
Legion's Avatar
Legion Legion is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 95
Default

I just lived this, and am still living it. For the full story (in progress) check out my tale in... General Discussions I think?

My conclusive decision is... there are no bad decisions. Indeed if I had just said "Okay, you're mono, I'm poly, let's not get into this, it sounds like trouble." then I would have spared us a lot of heartache, sleepless nights, endless writing, arguements and outside debate to name a few aspects. But then again, we would have also missed out on what I believe for both of us has been the closest relationship so far in each of our limited lifetimes, learning about ourselves and each other, being challenged to understand ourselves and each other. Adversity brings on great things and I would not go back and retract my decision at all.

I'm not saying your relationship is doomed; I'm not saying it will work. I'm saying if you take the difficult road and approach it with a sensible head, you will learn and grow no matter what the outcome. Avoid conflict and you learn nothing but how to avoid conflict.
__________________
Often he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been rent asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him...and he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:29 AM.