"veto" power in order to heal
If, at the first introduction to poly, you were unfaithful (sexually, emotionally, verbally ... not necessarily only including physically unfaithful here) to your SO (bad way to start) and your partner expressed distrust (obviously) and as a request to rebuild laid a stipulation that 'other' involved with unfaithfulness had to be removed .... what would you do?
* a general question, but more specific to my situation - I am married (to someone I suspect is in denial about degree of mono-ness) to an amazing person for 6 years now. I fell in love with another person (a mutual friend) and denied and hid my feelings until I expressed them. Current to today - partner is left feeling hurt and betrayed (I left my partner in the dark under the guise that all was OK, and respectful... which the actions were, intentions were not if that makes sense. I have been sexually attractive to people within our relationship in the past, but never 'fallen' for someone, someone else who I wanted to share my life with. This lead to a doubt in my ability to give my partner everything they deserved, and have everything I wanted.).
We are currently in the healing phase, regaining trust, under a stipulation/assumption that this relationship/these feelings were laid to rest. How can you just shut that off? I can't, and feel like a hole is now there. I am also not willing to give up my relationship with my partner (which is at the utmost importance right now) but I am struggling to find a balance.