Cuddling With Friends - & Non-sexual Intimacy

[bella123456]

They are indeed wonderful people, as are the friends I know in the online version of life

[trueRiver]

Originally Posted by River

It's growing more apparent to me that I'd like to have cuddle-friendly friends with whom I'm not sexually or "romantically" involved, but still quite close. I'm talking clothes on cuddling, mainly, though I could imagine naked cuddling as a real possibility.

Have you any cuddle-friends? Would you like to?

hi again River

as so often on these forums you share my mind as well as sharing our name

I have had cuddle friends, and would like many more. With some it is the case that there is some sexual attraction but no wish (for whatever reason) to act on that. With others, especially men(*), it is not about sex but about feelings of warmth, safety, security, and friendship.

I have had two cuddly friendships with women where we'd share a bed together on a snuggles and no sex basis; one of these had a sexual partner - if you'd count it as a V it was a very unsymmetrical one.

I have had many more huggy friendships, by which I mean one where we'd sometimes sit cuddled up, ie more than using hugs for hello and goodbye.

I have also had two sexual relationships which started like that and then we re-negotiated to sleep but no sex then later re-negotiated to sex. It is a very gentle, respectful, way into a sexual relationship, in my experience.

I describe myself as polyaffectionate as well as polyamorous to indicate the willingness to have close huggy feely partners as well as sexual partners.

In my experience (English culture) being polyaffectionate is even less accepted than being polyamorous: too many folk assume polyaffection is just a recruiting technique....


(*) one of the ways we differ, River, is that I can find men attractive yet never want to turn that into a sexual experience. In fact one of the ways I know I'm hettie is the not wanting to have sex with certain blokes that I can see are very attractive. I gather from your posts that it is different for you

[bella123456]

I'm reminded of my Sunday..

My female friend called to see what I was doing, and asked me to come over and hang out in bed with her and another close male friend of ours. There is no sexual or romantic relationships between any of us...but there is certainly LOVE

"Do you want to come over and hang out in bed with us ?"
"Well, I can think of no better way to spend a Sunday, see you in 20 minutes"

The three of us spent the entire day in bed watching films and snuggling up together...taking it in turns to make tea or bring food from the kitchen. We had the occasion card game...listened to music..we all fell asleep for about an hour.

I left 9 hours after I arrived, and it was one of the happiest days I can remember. I'm still glowing !

[SourGirl]

I can friend-cuddle, no problem.
My best male friend of 16 years,..we use to (before I moved) cuddle lots to watch movies, at bonfires, or after a night out. Never kissed or anything beyond that. We just did what felt natural,..cuddling, sitting close.

I wouldn`t be into the organized, arranged, or planned cuddling of any kind.
Half the charm to me, is in it being natural.

I now have a cuddler-with-benefits friend. I don`t think adding in sex, changed anything for our desire to cuddle as well.

[River]

Originally Posted by bella123456

I left 9 hours after I arrived, and it was one of the happiest days I can remember. I'm still glowing !

Such a beautiful story! How inspiring! Thank you!

I'm making a very quick response, and there are others here I'd equally like to respond to. But those will have to wait, other than to say Thank You All! You've made my day.

[River]

Originally Posted by trueRiver

I gather from your posts that it is different for you

Yes, I'm both biamorous and bisexual. It's just how I am. I can't help myself! But I'm in a nearly ideal position to empathize with all kinds and flavors of people, for which I have endless gratitude. I'd not have a world without much, much difference. And I can totally relate, empathetically, with "straight" guys. I even pretended to be one for a long while. Well, for most of my youth.

[Moonglow]

I personally think it sounds lovely. I wish... my cuddle buddy (and FWB) moved and now I have no one to cuddle with. I used to go to Starbucks and sit on his lap for hours and talk. That was one of the nicest times in my life. I sure do miss it.

Here's how silly I am. I recently met someone and he gave me a hug to greet me and I wanted to stay hugging. But it was clear he was just being cordial because when he said goodbye he shook my hand. Now he texts me all the time but it seems he will not ever hug me again. Even when we go out for coffee or something... (love that Starbucks!!!!)

[Somegeezer]

Sorry I've not really been following all of this thread and only read bits. I want to ask something, that may even need a thread of its own... But how do you meet these people who are up for cuddling close, without wanting it to go further than that?

I absolutely love cuddling and can't get enough of it, but I don't know anyone who would want that, without first thinking I wanted sex with them, or just going along with it because they wanted sex with me.

[River]

Originally Posted by Somegeezer

I absolutely love cuddling and can't get enough of it, but I don't know anyone who would want that, without first thinking I wanted sex with them, or just going along with it because they wanted sex with me.

Have you got some close friends? Ask among them whether they'd be okay / interested. I was happily surprised when one of my close friends was happy and willing.

I have but one cuddle buddy at the moment. But I'm open for more!

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showp...5&postcount=45

[Somegeezer]

Originally Posted by River

Have you got some close friends? Ask among them whether they'd be okay / interested. I was happily surprised when one of my close friends was happy and willing.

I have but one cuddle buddy at the moment. But I'm open for more!

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showp...5&postcount=45

That's a lovely post in the link. =] I'm really not sure how I would really ask and certainly, I don't have a clue WHO I would ask. I think as most things, it would just come to me. But I've really not thought about it a lot. Some of my closest friends are male and I'm not sure that would be comfortable for me. I'm hetero too, but I'm not sure if I'm biamorous. Which is probably a good sign I'm not. Nearly all the females I'm closest to would frown upon that because either they are with someone or because I am.

I think I'll certainly have a talk with Cherry [my partner] at some point about this though. To at least open the door for it.