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  #1  
Old 10-26-2009, 05:36 AM
Renee52873 Renee52873 is offline
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Unhappy So Incredibly Sad

I should be happy because my girl is coming for a visit, but the only problem with that is I am going to have to say good bye again. I'm tired of saying good bye. I want her to be with me all the time. I want to see her beautiful face every night before I go to bed and every morning when I wake up.

To top it off, we fight a lot. Not about our relationship. That's the only thing we agree about. We fight about anything that we can. We always disagree. I don't get it. Why? Why must I disagree with her.

Anyway, I'm very excited to see her, but I'm feeling really sad right now.

Well, that's all for now.
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  #2  
Old 10-26-2009, 01:24 PM
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greenearthal greenearthal is offline
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I assume you have a long distance relationship? Is there any possibility of relocating to where she is? Even temporarily? Glad to hear she is coming for a visit, do you try to "live in the moment" when you are together or do you spend time dreading her eventual departure while she's there? When you disagree on things does it feel like you are mean to one another in your disagreeing? You can actually learn a lot about each other through what you disagree on. Have the two of you been able to "agree to disagree" on some things or do you feel the need to bring a disagreement back up until one of you convinces the other?

(edit: sorry I didn't realize this was posted on life stories and blogs at first. I can remove my post if your intention was just to vent a little)
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Last edited by greenearthal; 10-26-2009 at 03:32 PM.
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  #3  
Old 10-26-2009, 06:55 PM
Renee52873 Renee52873 is offline
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oh...it's ok that you posted here. I didn't know where else to put it. I'd be fine if the admin wants to move it to a more appropriate thread.

We fight ALL the TIME and I'm beginning to realize that more than likely, this will be our final good bye. It hurts like hell, but we are extremely hurtful to one another when we disagree. It also seems like we bring up things we disagree on just to fight. I've realized we are a lot like oil and water. The only thing that keeps us together is emulsion...violent emulsion.

So...I am heartbroken and next week will be even more so...however, in the long run, I know it will be the best thing for us both.
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Old 11-10-2009, 05:19 AM
glenfoxman glenfoxman is offline
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Default So Incredibly Sad

HUGS
We all need one of those every now again. I honestly know where you are coming from and know exactly how you feel.
I dont have any soothing words or simple advice - but I can say that you have me as a friend if need be.
Im always around to listen and am always happy to help when possible.
_______________________________________
Website I designed for paydayloans company.
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  #5  
Old 11-10-2009, 04:30 PM
Renee52873 Renee52873 is offline
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Ok...so I suppose this deserves an update. She came for her visit and the intention was for it ot be the last one....welllll...it wasn't it. We didn't fight the entire time she was here. It was pretty unbelievable, but I now know we can do it. We are still in disagreement about a very important topic, but we aren't sscreaming at each other about it. I think we learned something very valuable and I am very happy about it. I am pretty sure that we could still be friends even if this doesn't work out.

Thanks so much for the kind words. At some point I might just have to really explain the WHOLE story. I just don't have the time right now.
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Old 11-14-2009, 03:18 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Default Learning experiences...

HI Rene,

Just a couple thoughts on your situation.
1> It seems that there's too much anger & frustration in the world in general. Maybe some of what you are experiencing is no more than the manifestation of that. That's what the hope for "Loving More" would hope to address.

2> A lot of people form and latch on to particular opinions & belief systems because they believe without them they are maybe....weaker ? ... in some way.
These opinions & beliefs are formed largely from anyone's life experiences and learnings. But everyone of us has a unique life story - where we began, where we've gone, what we've seen & experienced along the way. It's easy and natural to gravitate to the position that it must be the same - or similar - for everyone else.
Of course, nothing could be further from the truth ! Part of the trick to becoming balanced, happy & fulfilled is to open up - REALLY open up - to those other stories and see what can be learned from them. You can't ever change anyone else's story, and therefore their beliefs etc, and that alone is the foundation of a lot of the conflict in relationships. Some prefer seafood, some pasta and for some, one or the other may evoke fatal allergic reactions!
In some cases, really understanding and empathizing with the other stories can bring you together. In other cases, it becomes obvious that you will never share the same worldview and therefore there will always be the potential for conflict. Better to call that as it is sometimes and move down your own path with only best wishes for all involved.
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Old 11-14-2009, 08:50 PM
Renee52873 Renee52873 is offline
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I couldn't agree more. I think that in some (or most) cases I am very open to her choices. What bothers me is when she attacks my choices. At that point, I feel the need to defend my beliefs and opinions. I don't ever intend to call her out as being wrong, I only want her to understand how I have come to believe the way I do. She usually takes it wrong and gets angry. She then calls me close-minded when really she is the one who is.

Case in point: She believes that the King James Version of the Bible is the only God approved version of the Bible. I don't. She ridiculed me for it and I tried to make a case for my beliefs. We didn't scream and yell as was normal in the past, however, she did accuse me of being close-minded when I'm the one open to all versions of the Bible.

Ok...so, that is the most recent example of a disagreement. I really feel like we are on the road to just being friends, but I'm ok with that because she is a great friend and at least she is still in my life that way. Either way, I'd be happy.

Last edited by Renee52873; 11-15-2009 at 05:43 PM.
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  #8  
Old 11-15-2009, 05:38 AM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Renee52873 View Post
I think that in some (or most) cases I am very open to her choices. What bothers me is when she attacks my choices. At that point, I feel the need to defend my beliefs an opinions. I don't ever intend to call her ou as being wrong, I only want her to understand how I have come to believe the way I do. She usually takes it wrong and gets angry. She then calls me close-minded when really she is the one who is.
I recently had the pleasure of the company of an amazing woman who learned and trained in non-violence with Martin Luther King during the civil rights struggle. Part of the training is to sit on a stool and let people hit you to learn how to not let your anger make you hit back. She said King told her something that it took years for her to understand. He said that you'll hit back as soon as you can't find anything to love about the person hitting you.
It left her (and me) with an important axiom:

That everybody is doing the best they can with what they have.

Remembering that during a conflict is key for me. However, that doesn't mean not speaking the truth even if it's hard. Compassion isn't about being gentle or coddling, it's about being truthful and authentic. It's about calling out the hard truths but with that underlying understanding that in doing so, your purpose isn't to take them down, but to give them more. (so that they can do the best they can with that little bit more) And as long as that compassion is held up when conflict arises (even if it's one sided) it becomes very difficult for things to escalate.

Kudos to you for letting the relationship shift and evolve and letting go of things that aren't working.
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  #9  
Old 11-16-2009, 03:44 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
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We interrupt this discussion for an unscheduled Accountability test:

Quote:
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
Just a couple thoughts on your situation. . . .
GroundedSpirit, you are in no position to advise anyone on relationships based in love and respect. You have still not rectified your offenses to Ceoli and the larger poly community from the “Sexual element” thread. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1174

Own what is yours. Be accountable for your actions. If you still think you were correct and justified in your offenses, say so. Or else admit your errors and apologize. Hiding from a problem never solves it.

Returning now to our regularly scheduled discussion . . .
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  #10  
Old 11-16-2009, 04:04 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Fidelia! You're sprinkling counterproductivity, I mean, accountability Fairy Dust all over the not-a-river-in-Egypt!
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