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Old 03-12-2009, 07:01 PM
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River River is offline
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Default Gay, Bi-, Queer Polyamory

Our Moderator, Oliver, is very likely to be reading here, so...

Hello, Oliver! I would like to make a request that we have a sub-forum or topic here on "Gay, Bi-, Queer Polyamory", so those of us who fit that description can talk amongst ourselves. Our experiences are often VERY different than those of the more socially approved heterosexual one -- and doubly so when we add polyamory to the list of differences from the mainstream. (I live in the USA, so what constitutes 'mainstream' may differ where you live.)

Thanks for considering my request, and good luck on your polyamory web project!
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Old 03-16-2009, 05:51 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Hmmm...interesting proposal.

I'm not certain there's a clear line between hetero and queer poly, though. My wife is bi. Should she get seriously involved with another woman, then my life will necessarily include that.

Still, if you think there's enough to talk about that would be lost on those of us who are hetero, I'm all for it. I'm not certain how often Olivier checks in, though.
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Old 03-16-2009, 06:06 PM
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Default A Queer Question

Well, yes... a lot of poly folk are perfectly comfortable and familiar with gay/bi/queer folk and our "discourses", so I wouldn't want to separate ourselves off from this forum. I just think a nice little queer niche *within* this web-community could prove beneficial, if only because not all poly folk (by any means) are homoerotically inclined.

I have heard it said that many poly folk, in fact, feel rather uncomfortable with gay/bi/queer folk. I don't know to what extent this is true, but discussion of even this very same question immediately surfaces a potentially helpful line of discussion on gay/bi/queer themes.

For what it is worth, I am bisexual (if I must use a label), though most of my "romantic" or erotically involved relationships have been with men.
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Old 03-16-2009, 06:18 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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NOw that you mention it, I suspect there are some folk who identify as poly who are uncomfortable with queer folk. I say that thinking about the Alt Lifestyles forum on OKC, where many of the people who report being poly are actually swingers--and I remember some of them expressing distaste for queer folk.

So I suspect many of those being reported as poly and uncomfortable are actually swingers and uncomfortable. It appears from here that some swingers are trying to ride their wagons in the poly wagon train to gain some measure of respectability (odd notion, that). Or they simply equate all nonmonogamy and are incapable of understanding the distinctions.
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Old 03-16-2009, 06:26 PM
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"... the distinctions ... " Yes! Those are crucial distinctions, indeed. As I understand it, polyamory is centered on the -amory part: love. And if I understand right, swingers are more interested in sexual adventuring which isn't centered on a "heart connection", as I like to call them.

As much as I enjoy sex, I don't imagine I will ever again have "casual" sex -- if ever I did. There has always been some "heart" (love) involved, if not always the intention of a long term, "serious", and commited relationship. I don't think love has to last forever, or be nurtured regularly over a lifetime, to be real love. But I do prefer the many powerful advantages of commitment to loving over time!
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Old 03-16-2009, 07:29 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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There are many sorts of nonmonogamy and they differ in qualitative fashion. I'm not certain that many people understand that, as the whole topic isn't widely discussed.

For example, I understand the differences between open marriages, poly, and swinging. I can't swear that any given person who identifies with any of those would also understand (or agree) that there's a difference. My former girlfriend, when explaining our relationship to those folks who also knew I'm married, would say my wife and I have an open marriage--which is the only concept those getting the explanation had ever been exposed to.

This, however, is far astray from the topic of getting a board set aside for queer topics.
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Old 04-12-2009, 03:10 PM
Quath Quath is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SeventhCrow View Post
NOw that you mention it, I suspect there are some folk who identify as poly who are uncomfortable with queer folk. I say that thinking about the Alt Lifestyles forum on OKC, where many of the people who report being poly are actually swingers--and I remember some of them expressing distaste for queer folk.

So I suspect many of those being reported as poly and uncomfortable are actually swingers and uncomfortable. It appears from here that some swingers are trying to ride their wagons in the poly wagon train to gain some measure of respectability (odd notion, that). Or they simply equate all nonmonogamy and are incapable of understanding the distinctions.
From what I can tell, the swinger scene is less open to gay men than polyamory is. I am not sure why except that maybe most porn is herteosexual guy fantasy material.
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Old 04-12-2009, 08:36 PM
Red Red is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SeventhCrow View Post
where many of the people who report being poly are actually swingers
So I suspect many of those being reported as poly and uncomfortable are actually swingers and uncomfortable. It appears from here that some swingers are trying to ride their wagons in the poly wagon train to gain some measure of respectability (odd notion, that). Or they simply equate all nonmonogamy and are incapable of understanding the distinctions.
I get that you have a very limited understanding of so-called swingers. In my 30 years experience on this subject I can attest to the fact that many so-called and, self identified swingers actually would just as well fit the definition of poly. I know many who start out swinging and then form multiple loving relationships. I know swingers where 3 or more live together in a true poly household. I know others who start out poly and then bring those relationships to the swinging community.

In my experience and opinion the line between swingers and poly is very blurred is there is a line at all. I don't think there ever has been one. Many swingers were poly long befor the term was coined. I think like poly it's self it's just degrees.
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Old 04-12-2009, 11:35 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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If you read all of my comments about swinging, you'll find that I do understand that there are swingers who are poly and poly folk who also swing.

I understand the difference between swinging and poly quite well, thank you. I also have seen many participants in online discussions who are swingers and clearly not poly speak about being poly. All nonmonogamy is not the same.
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Old 04-07-2011, 02:03 PM
scramcity scramcity is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quath View Post
From what I can tell, the swinger scene is less open to gay men than polyamory is. I am not sure why except that maybe most porn is herteosexual guy fantasy material.
Hi thought I'd chime in
As a multi- decades lesbian turned bi thenswing then poly, I have observed this as well. I found the swing scene to be more poly minded often but yes definitely homophobic for men but not for women. Many bi men I spoke to shared their experiences of being seen as " too gay" and therefore often had to play it str8 to be involved. It seems like some aspects of swing are all about the str8 men's desires, yet they will quickly tell you it's really the women that have the control, as women are the gatekeepers to most parties. For Which the men need the women to gain access. After running thru these changes for myself I've found that the amount of bi people is about 400% larger than I'd previously been aware of. And also that the str8 people in my life have been far more open minded about my relationships than the majority of my gay friends.
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