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Old 10-21-2009, 03:03 AM
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maca maca is offline
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Default Affection in my eyes

Well I have a question and I KNOW there are those out there <NUGDE NUDGE> that may have some input.

Im in a V ... LR is the hinge. Her other C lives with us. Im having issues with SEEING affectionate exchanges between them. I have talked to LR about the fact that I dont want to SEE them kissing or that I dont want to walk in on them in bed together. I have also let her know that I DONT have issue with her saying "I love you" to him or hugs.

I know that they have sex and are affectionate with each other when Im not around.I also know that my ISSUE stems from MY OWN issues with not feling loved or worth being loved so much or that I may be left for someone better. Im working through these feelings.But as of right now I have to be honest with what I can handle and what Im not ready to handle yet.

I feel as though Im not being fair to LR or C by asking them to refrain from doing these things in front of me. As I stated before we are a V not a triad (nor will us 3 ever be.. striaght as a board).

Sooo.. . Just out of curiousity how do the rest of you address this.
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Old 10-21-2009, 03:12 AM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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You're okay with him living there... You are okay with them talking and exchanging verbal affection... You don't put undo restrictions on their activities aside from a simple request that they not be physically affectionate when you're present - I assume (bad bad word) that you aren't a craazy manipulative prick who intentionally hangs around when you know they would normally expect you to not be for the express purposse of limiting their interaction... And you are AWARE of this one minor hangup and are working on it...

I'm sorry, was there a problem?

Last edited by HappiestManAlive; 10-21-2009 at 03:16 AM.
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Old 10-21-2009, 03:14 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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lmao hma.
You're answer leaves me trying REALLY hard not to giggle from where I sit on the couch with a laptop and with baby in my lap while Maca madly pecks his keyboard at his computer desk!!!

I'm defering comment to him since it's his thread.
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Old 10-21-2009, 03:32 AM
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HAHA no I dont hang around all day( I wish) I have 10 hrs a day that im gone for work and I leave at 6 am and C dosent have to go to work till 1 pm. so they have some solo time( as solo as it gets with 4 kids)

I was just wondering how other have handled this if and when it has come up..

And I should say to my love you are great and doing a good job helping me along with MY issues and dont shoving anything down my throat. I love you more....
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Old 10-21-2009, 03:37 AM
HappiestManAlive HappiestManAlive is offline
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Quote:
And I should say to my love you are great and doing a good job helping me along with MY issues and dont shoving anything down my throat. I love you more....
THAT - that right there - is what poly has come to mean to me.
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Old 10-21-2009, 03:47 AM
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greenearthal greenearthal is offline
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I would have to concur with the general sentiment that there seems to be no problem here. It sounds like everyone is doing their best, and that everyone accepts that everyone else is doing their best. So why put pressure on yourself to "progress" faster, when there appear to be basically no complaints?

Or put another way: why not take some time and appreciate what you've accomplished and what you've overcome to get exactly here rather than fret about not having gotten even further?
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Old 03-29-2011, 01:38 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maca View Post
...............
Sooo.. . Just out of curiousity how do the rest of you address this.
Hey Maca

Question............

How does your gut react when you see total strangers getting quite intimate in public ?

Be honest.............

Because it may be that you have a couple different triggers working here and you need to discover what percentage is what and plan your attack accordingly.
It's shocking (to me) how much discomfort there is for many people about public display of affection. Especially in guys who are generally the big consumers of porn. But true affection is different.
Not the place here to try to psychoanalyze the reasoning behind all the discomfort - just sufficient to say it's real and exists so has to be dealt with.

If it's ONLY (or primarily) about LR then you know what you're dealing with. And maybe it will never be 100% comfortable but it's who she is, so best plan is to figure on dealing with it. It's not going away.
And maybe look at it this way......
At LEAST it's real, genuine ! And it's a positive thing.
With all the shit we see around us every day, being witness to a little genuine, positive emotion is not the worst thing that could happen to us - right ?

Dig in a little - see what's what. Try seeing the positive side. Lots of this stuff is little more than choices. We're not just rags flopping in the wind.........we have some control over our emotions and choices - right ?



GS
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Old 03-29-2011, 02:49 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
Hey Maca

Question............

How does your gut react when you see total strangers getting quite intimate in public ?
I thought I would answer this too cause I find it an interesting question. I could watch strangers have sex all day...but I don't even like watching my friends suck face. I don't normally feel any energy, especially sexual energy, from strangers but friendships open me up to a different level of energy exchange that disturbs me on a primal level. I don't like sharing sexual energy or having anyone else's (except a specific few) touch me. It's not jealousy, it's just disturbing....kinda icky.
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Old 03-29-2011, 03:07 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I thought I would answer this too cause I find it an interesting question. I could watch strangers have sex all day...but I don't even like watching my friends suck face. I don't normally feel any energy, especially sexual energy, from strangers but friendships open me up to a different level of energy exchange that disturbs me on a primal level. I don't like sharing sexual energy or having anyone else's (except a specific few) touch me. It's not jealousy, it's just disturbing....kinda icky.
I find it an intriguing question too, and looking at it from the energy exchange angle as Mono has... very disturbing yes... that said... I don't have a problem with it myself, just a yes with some people and there relative closeness as well as physical proximity to me plays a huge part in the level of 'ickiness'.

for example:if I can hear verbal cues of lovemaking between people I know in the next room... icky... as that cues me to feel the energy flow, and well to be blunt I will end up either frustrated (I ain't getting any action ) or completely turned off (just didn't need to hear it), watching it - would take it onto a much deeper level of ickiness, as would the closer relationship (to me) of the people involved... whereas across the other side of the house - not a biggie, even across the room can be fine (the degree of affection plays a part here too)

I am however, highly empathic (except when highly stressed and deliberately blocking myself from others) and suspect that others who find it disturbing (whether arousing or shutting down from it) would also be empathic... I could be way off with that though, and of course there are those that would find it disturbing for cultural/moral/other reasons
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Old 03-29-2011, 04:03 PM
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My friends, a couple deeply in love, are very affectionate with each other. This always makes me smile, though one time he was kissing her stomach with loud smoochy noises and I asked him to stop because that was just a little too much. It was the noise that got to me.

I also dislike being in close proximity to people (strangers or otherwise) playing tonsil hockey or dry humping in public.

Generally, I stick to the same kinds of affection with my guys that I would show my daughter. Quick pecks, non-sexual caresses, hand-holding, hugs and casual cuddles, that sort of thing. The exception is kisses hello and goodbye.

Thumper and I tend to peck for hellos and goodbyes, but we part and meet many times a day. T-Rex I see less often, so goodbye kisses in particular tend to linger a bit more.
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