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Old 10-19-2009, 04:14 AM
Creatress Creatress is offline
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 23
Default Introverts: HELP!

Hey, folks.

I'm introverted and almost a month into a living arrangement with my partners, my metamour, and the five kids in the house (one of whom is mine.) I'm coming from being a single mother to that one child, and I can honestly say that life as a single parent afforded me more me-time than I have now, which I never would have imagined, and it's wearing on me IMMENSELY!

I work full time (about 45-50 hours/week), then come home and have my share of childcare, cleaning, cooking, and laundry on any given night. The weekends are completely consumed by family time, housework, and errands. Oh, yeah, and then there's the relationships, somewhere in there.

Any ideas? I am going completely insane, I'm so drained. I need time to myself, but I don't know how to get that, here, without feeling guilty for not doing housework when other people are, taking care of kids when other people have been all day, or participating in relationship-building when there's a spare minute. HELP!
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Old 10-19-2009, 04:45 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

I have a household of 4 adults and 3 kids currently (a month ago was 4 kids and a few months prior was 5 kids).
I can honestly say that you simply HAVE to schedule it in. Everyone has different needs for amounts of alone time-and you have to work through those details as a group. But no matter what amount of time you are talking about you have to schedule it in.
My suggestion would be to sit down with the other adults and let them know what you said here, and that you need to find a good time each day for a 1/2 hour of quiet time and once a week or so a few hours to yourself. Work together to figure out when the best time for that would be.
I take a bath for 1/2 hour or so every day as soon as hubby comes home while he keeps our kids busy. Every morning I take a walk for 1 1/2 hours with my boyfriend and the youngest child (in a stroller) who usually sleeps. I generally wear my headphones, so I CAN talk if I am up to it-or I can walk with them and only listen to my music if needed as well.
My hubby tends to use his 45 minute drive home for down time and the boyfriend takes about an hour or so every night after hubby and I go to bed.
Just depends on what works for each person with the kids (and of course it gets screwed up if kids are sick or something like that!
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 10-19-2009, 12:38 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: new england
Posts: 3,217

What you just described would drive me crazy, too.
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Old 10-19-2009, 04:23 PM
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greenearthal greenearthal is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 208

Is it vital that you work 45 to 50 hours a week? If so, you will probably have to do some comming to terms with the fact that a huge chunk of your waking hours every week are already gone.

Assuming that your work schedule is immutable, you should probably figure out what your needs are and what will work best for you. One contiguous block of 4 to 5 hours every week or some preset half hour block every day... and once you've figured out what might benefit you best, communicate to your loved ones what your needs are.

Example: "Every Friday night I need three hours away from EVERYBODY if you all have any hope of me being a sane person for the weekend. How can we make that happen?"

Any of our suggestions sound like they're heading in the right direction or do we need more information on your situation?
me n the band, singin our song
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Old 10-20-2009, 03:20 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
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Originally Posted by rongrong View Post
bring him/her to psicologist,or bring them to more crowded people where people gathered and scream,introduced him the power of facebook,that works all time for me
No offence but pawn your spam somewhere else please....on second thought..feel free to feel offended.

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

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Old 10-20-2009, 07:42 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

Hi Creatress, I remember writing to you before, before you moved.... I'm pretty sure I was against your moving in with a couple that lived far from you and that you didn't know so well... how's that going? How is it going with your family and ex?

What you describe here would be my worst nightmare. What is the point of a poly relationship if there is not time together.... it harks of polygamy. Sorry, I don't mean to offend, I'm sure there are benefits. But as I said before (I think) moving closer, getting your life together and then seeing if it would be a good idea to move in would of made it a lot smoother I think...

Good luck sorting it all out.
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introversion, introversion/extroversion, introvert, recharging, retreat, shyness, social anxiety, socializing, solitude

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