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  #1  
Old 03-30-2011, 12:22 AM
OhioLove OhioLove is offline
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Default How do you know?

How do you know when you genuinely want to be intimate with someone? I ask this because: My husband began dating another woman, a friend of mine. I was/am cool with it; however, I've had moments of jealousy because they both have jobs that make it easier to have free time and socialize. I've felt left out lately, and working a lot.

Recently I was thinking about putting a move on her when she was over at our house, the 3 of us hanging out. But how do I know that my intentions toward her are genuine? Am I just trying to butt in to alleviate my own moments of jealousy? Or do I really want to get it on with her?

I guess the real reason I ask is this: She's not physically my type at all. She is pretty much the opposite of what I like physically. And...yet...suddenly this attraction. It's so...interesting.
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Old 03-30-2011, 05:20 AM
dragonflysky dragonflysky is offline
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Have you discussed "putting a move on her" with your husband? Is he aware that you're having these kinds of thoughts/feelings? He might be able to help you sort through some of this. Or better yet...how about discussing the possibility with her rather than "putting a move on her" to find out if she's interested? It might help you sort through whether it's jealousy or genuine interest in her. Would you consider "putting a move" on her if your husband wasn't around and it was just the two of you rather than when the three of you are together?
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Old 03-30-2011, 04:56 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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First thing to do is let them both know that your work schedule is frustrating you because now you are feeling left out and neglected. Don't just assume they will notice or that it's something you just have to "suck up" and live with. Sometimes even small things, can help you feel more included even if you can't physically be there.
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Old 03-30-2011, 09:25 PM
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magikman79 magikman79 is offline
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We had a very similar problem, I worked with our last girlfriend & my wife did not get to see her enough & felt left out a lot.

being the man I think its up to the man to make sure each girl knows how he feels & make sure to spend most of your time with both of them...

Maintaining 1 relationship is a lot of work, maintaining a triangle relationship is 10 TIMES more work, you have to REALLY want it to make it work.

As for letting them know your interested the key is TALKING you MUST communicate in a triad relationship or IT WILL fall apart.
If you really want it its time to stop holding back & tell people how you feel, hopefully all will be willing to sit down & talk honestly, holding nothing back.

If you want it to last start with that strong foundation of honesty, openness & trust.

It CAN work.
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Last edited by magikman79; 03-30-2011 at 09:30 PM.
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Old 03-31-2011, 02:30 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Communication, communication, communication. Talk to your husband, talk to her. If everyone's into the idea you could try fooling around with her once, just to see how it goes. But get on the same page first, I think that'll help you be sure you're not doing it for the wrong reasons.
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Old 03-31-2011, 03:45 AM
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magikman79 magikman79 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Communication, communication, communication. Talk to your husband, talk to her. If everyone's into the idea you could try fooling around with her once, just to see how it goes. But get on the same page first, I think that'll help you be sure you're not doing it for the wrong reasons.
more true words have never been spoken, do it for you, not for anyone else.
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Old 04-02-2011, 02:50 AM
koifish koifish is offline
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I agree, it takes a strong couple to make a triad work. My impression is that triads don't often work out. There is a heck of a lot of pressure on the couple to manage the needs of a new person while not forgetting about their own. Things get constantly busy.
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Old 04-02-2011, 02:57 AM
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lotheriel79 lotheriel79 is offline
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Ahh but the busy was so nice.
Now it seems quiet and sad.

But we will move on, and perhaps it will work eventually for us.
When love happens you have to be ready and willing to work for it. If you're not it is not really love, is it?
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