What bonds us together forever?

[Kraven]

In my relationship I feel that the reason I love her so much is because she gives me her trust and her heart! That's what makes her special to me, makes her one of a kind but I know that no ONE person could ever completely satisfy me....I'm just too diverse! So other women may come and go, there may be secondaries and so forth who satisfy my mind, body or other but the time and energy we've put into this thing makes it solid and unbreakable!

This is how I feel and my question to the community is, based on experences....what do you feel makes your primary an irreplacable force in your life? What keeps you wanting that person more than any other deliciously wonderful person that comes along?

[Ceoli]

Not everybody follows the primary/secondary model. Also, not everyone who does follow that model looks at is as "I love my primary most and my secondary less than my primary".

Speaking as a poly person without a primary partner, I certainly wouldn't want to get with a partner who says that they love me less than their other partner. That's fine for playmates or FWB's, but not if I was going to consider them a partner. Just sayin....

[Kraven]

I appreciate your opinion and understand your point....I'll keep that in mind for the future! As it stands its just me and her right now, polyamory is mearly an option....I haven't gone as far as to include anyone else into our relationship because I'm still working out the kinks so the advice helps! Thank you much for your voice.....Anyone else?

[rosyrump]

Every person I love, I love uniquely. Each person is so different, I try not to compare them. I also have a primary, but he's my primary because we discovered the love we have together before finding others we loved. I have yet to feel what its like to share an intimate connection with another person I'm in love with, but I hope I will never compare that love to the one I have for him. Once I compare, I leave room for someone's love to be less important.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by Kraven

what do you feel makes your primary an irreplacable force in your life? What keeps you wanting that person more than any other deliciously wonderful person that comes along?

That's easy..I'm monogamous LOL!! Really I'm not qualified to answer this but any chance to have some fun is good. I don't have a primary..just the woamn I love

[LovingRadiance]

I have a primary becuase we are married and that happened first. But I am madly in love with two men and have been in love with those two men for nearly 10 years.
I don't love either MORE than the other. But I do love each COMPLETELY differently and I like them for completely different reasons as well.

I don't think I could ever identify my primary as my "best" love or anything like that.

[Kraven]

Wow, it all makes since now! I always felt each love should be equal, I mean isn't that the purpose of it all? I classified her as a primary simply to give comfort that I wasn't ever going to leave her for another and perhaps I'm going about things the wrong way! If she truly can't cope with the lifestyle then maybe she just isn't for me! I keep forgetting that I must own my own feelings and not feel responsible for solving everyones problems! I have a habit of being too loving, perhaps that is my strongest assist yet my greatest weakness!

[LovingRadiance]

Originally Posted by Kraven

Wow, it all makes since now! I always felt each love should be equal, I mean isn't that the purpose of it all? I classified her as a primary simply to give comfort that I wasn't ever going to leave her for another and perhaps I'm going about things the wrong way! If she truly can't cope with the lifestyle then maybe she just isn't for me! I keep forgetting that I must own my own feelings and not feel responsible for solving everyones problems! I have a habit of being too loving, perhaps that is my strongest assist yet my greatest weakness!

I understand how easy it is to take responsibility for another person's feelings. I was just having that conversation with my hubby last night. I have a habit of doing the same thing and it ends up hurting me. I'm working really hard at remembering that there is a fine line between loving someone and losing yourself to the "job" of loving someone. I do classify my hubby as my primary-because we are the ones who have the kids and responsibilities that REQUIRE joint participation and bf is the one who CHOOSES to participate. But it's really a technical distinction I think.

[redpepper]

I have two primaries that I love dearly. One is my husband and the father of my child. He is unique in other ways too.

Mono is my other primary (OP) and I am his Life Love (LiLo). I love him for other reasons but equally as much as my husband. Sometimes for the same reasons as my husband.

It ebbs and flows though. Sometimes I love one over the other and desire one over the other. Sometimes they both piss me off (not often!) but I just go with the natural flow of it and don't think too much about it, rationalize or over analyze.

We have now given up on the primary secondary roles... or I have anyway, Mono probably feels differently in his black and white way of being I just find them too black and white. They were helpful at the beginning when it all seemed so tentative and we were all unsure and fragile. Now they are more of a burden than anything to me. With the exception of my tersiary (he calls himself my fancy) who I don't consider of the same caliber as my two primary men. I love him also, but more on an intimate friendship level.