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Old 03-20-2011, 10:17 PM
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Hades36 Hades36 is offline
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Default Monogamy...huh?

So, I know the question has been asked a dozen times on this forum (although I couldn't really find them, although I didn't look very hard, either)...

But where exactly did the concept of monogamy even come from? Not saying its wrong or anything, but just curious as to why and how it developed and stuck. I've read "Sex at Dawn" and a few other books but I didn't feel like they were being really clear.

Any ideas or suggestions?
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Old 03-20-2011, 10:31 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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It was a method the romans merged different societies to itself to propagate its own growth (financially intellectually or geographically). In this merging they absorbed the good of the societies, and tossed out the bad.

Taken to further growth by christians in order to.. well do lots of things. Destroy the pagans, create a dissected caste system separating the pure bloods from the poor folk...or just in general, a method of pure unadulterated control over everything (including the monarchy) until a certain king challenged the concept of divorce.

In history you most often find matrimony being monogamous, but mating being more, liberal. Look to the romans, english, greek etc for history on this. Being married didn't preclude having some side action.

Monogamy grew with christianity (and western dominance) as did the laws of most western countries...

Thats the bare short of it of course. I am leaving out a lot of details I am sure others may be more interested in listing haha.
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Old 03-21-2011, 12:54 AM
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Are you specifically referring to monogamy in humans or amongst other animals as well?
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Old 03-21-2011, 01:43 AM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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A lot of the popularity of Monogamy I think come from Patriarchy.

Check out the post here:
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showp...54&postcount=6
It has the links to Gwynne Dyer documentary...about 15 years old now, but I think it answers a lot about how we got to where we are...where as Sex at Dawn has a lot about how we were before that.
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Old 03-21-2011, 04:16 AM
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I find it ironic that many people hold on to monogamy as a traditional value when the majority of humans in many societies over thousands of years have practiced various forms of non-monogamy. It's not a new thing. The rise of Christianity really began to cement the construct of monogamy we have today.
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Old 03-21-2011, 10:36 AM
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Talking about in humans specifically.

I mean, from a practical, survival kind of standpoint, having more than 2 people in a relationship seems really beneficial. But there also seems to be a number, a tipping point as it were, where the relationship would be too large and clunky, at least with regards to intimate connections running smoothly. I imagine at that point the group would splinter off somehow and form a new family.

The problem, it seems, with expanding your relationship is attracting people who are truly going to be committed to the concept of "all of us" and not "you and me". Most of us have been raised in a society that promotes rugged individualism (either/or thinking) over a more group-centered (tribal) psychology, right? Add into that all of our fears and insecurities and you have a train wreck.

Being polyamorous seems like a reaching back to something both simpler and more complicated that could be found in our species ancient history, but I wonder if we've come to far in the direction of imagined growth and prosperity for many of us to be able to evolve our relationship style and beliefs into that form again?

I've always believed that polyamory was the most realistic approach to loving and bonding that could exist. Since I was 16 years old I've believed that but, of course, been in nothing but strictly monogamous relationships, which included all of the joys and horrors of such a high-pressure construction. Like, our entire concept of love and romantic bonding is built around the idea that 2 people meet, fall in love, get married and have a baby; almost every romantic book, play, novelization, song, painting, poem, music video, article, lecture, workshop, website, etc. is focused on this idea, right? But I've always thought it was just silly to think that love, with all its complexities and mysteries and miracles, could be squeezed into a single connection with one other human being and put under wraps until that relationship ended and then it was applied to a new partners and so on.

Its cool having this forum so that we can see what other people think and are experiencing.
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Old 03-21-2011, 10:42 AM
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Hades36 Hades36 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion View Post
A lot of the popularity of Monogamy I think come from Patriarchy.

Check out the post here:
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showp...54&postcount=6
It has the links to Gwynne Dyer documentary...about 15 years old now, but I think it answers a lot about how we got to where we are...where as Sex at Dawn has a lot about how we were before that.

Great vids. Thanks!
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