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Old 09-17-2009, 06:07 AM
sweetie sweetie is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 62
Default Something to lighten things up... How were you asked to be in your poly relationship?

Three years ago, I was out in a bar. I know a cliche... but there you go. I was with alot of other people there I knew, but was the only single. I had gotten used to being single after 20 years of marriage. Now I wouldn't call myself unattractive. I'm 5 feet tall, just under a hundred pounds, had red hair at the time. (have changed that color many times since)and blue eyes.

A woman that I had known for many years, started talking to me. We joked around. I have been known to flirt. Alot. She said to her husband, "Can we take her home?" He said, "Do we know her? Please tell me we know her." I laughed, not realizing that they were serious. Why would I? Little niave me had never even heard of swinging let alone actually doing it. Sleep with a married man, and his wife knows, are you kidding me?

After many months of meeting, and Sea and I talking on i/m we decided to have a little get together. I remember asking her if tommyc would mind that we were making plans for him. I can still hear her laughter.

The next day I was so embarassed. I didn't know how to handle the situation. They were perfectly calm and collected. I couldn't look anyone in the eye. Especially Sea.

Needless to say, over time things became easier. It only took about 2 1/2 years. LOL. Sounds so funny to say that now. I love them both so much.

What started out as just having fun, turned into so much more. We didn't know that's what we were looking for until we found it. Lifestyle might have gotten us here, but love keeps us here.
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Old 09-17-2009, 01:30 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 369

Sometimes I look back and feel like I was almost ambushed into my V. After all, my husband and (ex)gf knew eachother for years and knew how the others mind worked.

I've already gotten into the story of how N and I came close to divorce and how both my bisexuality and our poly natures came into focus as a result of the mending process. Once we were doing well again, N started sending me out without him. One of the issues in our relationship had been that I was social and he was not and I had lost much of myself in staying home on the couch with him. So, I was encouraged to start going out with friends again without him and know he was alright with it.

One night I went out to a bar/dance club with our friend P. N had known her for years and had even dated her many years before and she had become a good friend of mine over the course of our relationship. P identified as bisexual but more towards the lesbian end of the spectrum. I had always been secretly attracted to her and she to me. However, she had long ago declared me "sexless and not a woman" because I was the wife of one of her best friends and we were mono. This was the first time she and I had gone anywhere without N. We got a few drinks in us and talked and danced and the other friends we had come with started wandering off talking to people as they were into the meet market scene and we were not. So we were left alone and ended up dancing together. I didn't want men trying to pick me up and I figured she'd be safe. Yeah, right.

At some point, and very tipsy, she got pouty and sulked away from me. When I asked her why she confessed that now, without my husband around as a buffer, she saw me as a woman and one she very much wanted to be with. I confessed my long held crush on her and we sort of hugged but it was very intense. She told me I HAD to talk to my husband because this HAD to happen. And a chill of excitement and pure terror ran down my spine.

I sort of talked to N about it later, but not as a serious option. I just said P and I had been flirting and admitted to mutual crushes and all had fun. N thought it was funny because he had always said she and I would be good together. When he asked what I wanted to do about it I said nothing. P called me the next couple of nights while I was at work (we both worked nights) and badgered me into talking to N about letting us have a relationship. We both loved him and going behind his back was not an option. After several "I CAN'T do that" and "What if he hates us" she drew a line, saying if I didn't talk to him she would.

So the next day I spoke to N about opening up the relationship on my end to his best friend. I don't even remember the words I used. I do remember not being able to look at him, feeling like I was going to throw up, crying, and hoping he'd say yes and no all at the same time. He said yes. That he'd always known I was bi and poly and he always thought she and I would be good together and that he liked the idea of his friend around more and more involved in our lives. I still wasn't at all sure how to go about it.

The next night I was working and she wasn't. We started talking on the phone and I told her about the conversation N and I had had. Apparently, he had been sending her text messages as well giving his blessing and asking how she felt and we were all making sure the others were ok. I figured we'd all sit down at some point and talk. Then she suddenly tells me she's a couple of blocks from my job (I worked alone all night) and was coming to see me so I should come let her in. I did, expecting a talk or some type of terms negotiation. Instead, she pushed me against the wall and started kissing me. I went with it. We didn't do anything more intense than that, but she stayed the rest of my shift and announced she was driving me home to "return" me to my husband, "but not permanently". She came in the house with me and we faced him. I cried. They laughed. The ambush at work had apparently been planned so I wouldn't have time to think my way out of something we all wanted. I love those two. And so it began.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.
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Old 09-17-2009, 09:54 PM
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ladyjools ladyjools is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 175

it was my idea to be poly, we had talked about it for sometime and i made the mistake of going for it without having first come to an agreement,
i made a lot of mistakes that first relationship however 3 years later we have grown and learned so much,

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Old 09-19-2009, 12:56 AM
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Sunshinegrl Sunshinegrl is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 227

Wast really asked. We kinda fell into it.
I donít get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here...
And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know that I am
I am, I am
The luckiest..
~ Ben Folds five ~
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