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Old 03-06-2011, 02:36 AM
JenAgain JenAgain is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 89
Default Is it ever too soon?

To say I love you?

I admittedly wear my heart on my sleeve. I fall in love easily, and granted that it often morphs into different types of love/relationships, it never really goes away. With the exception of one person, I still very much love (and am good friends, best with a couple even) with the people I had relationships with before I met my husband

So now here I am with J. Don't want to scare him off, but I feel this overwhelming feeling to tell him that I love him. I don't expect it in return. Don't need him to feel the same about me. There are still questions about him that I don't get, that are hard to understand. But I love him regardless. For what he brings to our family, my husband, myself. I find myself pausing and afraid to say it because I don't know if it's too soon, or too much. Then on the other hand, not telling him seems wrong too.

We've known him 3 years, this exploration into poly has been going on 2 months, of course I always felt that connection when he was here. I love the relationship him and my hubby have, and the comfort that we all have when he is here. I don't think he feels the same way about me as I do about him, that that's not what it's about for me. I have no problem telling friends that I love them, and often do, even guy friends who I don't have this connection with, but something about telling him seems so much more loaded.

I dunno... thoughts? opinions??

Tried doing a search for this, but couldn't think of the proper key words that would narrow it down any more
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Old 03-06-2011, 02:53 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

My guess is that you're experiencing a rather heady euphoria right now, but I would wait to express that love until it feels a little more... grounded? Know what I mean? Revel in it for a while, enjoy the feelings, let the chemical bath you're in settle down a bit. If you say it too soon, especially since you have really just begun and are all still working things out, it could complicate things unnecessarily.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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Old 03-06-2011, 05:49 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

It's all a matter of opinion.
But personally, I wouldn't.

I'm friends with all of my "exes" as well. But, part of the reason is that I am, is that I respected them all as friends, not just lovers. It certainly is'nt becuase I told them I loved them.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 03-06-2011, 01:19 PM
JenAgain JenAgain is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 89

I will take your advice to heart and wait... it's so hard for me! I definitely don't want to complicate things, especially when they are going so well right now.

Thank you
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Old 03-06-2011, 01:57 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,323

Sigh... after I had that 4way with my gf and her female friend, and my sweetie D, I so wanted to tell D I loved him when we were parting... but I didn't. I mean, I am not "in love" with D, but I sure do feel a strong fondness for him. But I am pretty sure he wouldnt have taken it well. It might make him uncomfortable. So I didnt say it. Even tho we've been seeing each other for 2 years now. I don't want to scare him.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62) loving Pixie (poly, F, 40) since January 2009, living together since 2013
Seeing Kahlo (polyish, M, 45)
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixie's Dom/bf for 3+ years
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Old 03-06-2011, 05:24 PM
Beodude123 Beodude123 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 69

Considering that he isn't really taking the relationship aspect seriously, I'd say it's too early. I'd wait a little bit for him to open up more. Having the L bomb dropped when he is just starting to get comfortable might be too much.
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love, self-expression

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