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  #1  
Old 09-07-2009, 06:52 PM
DarkHorseJ27 DarkHorseJ27 is offline
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Default My wife's insecurtiy

The other night at work I get a call from my wife. She was in tears. She had called her friend to see if she could hang out with her. The husband answered and said they were at the hospital because she was in labor. My wife called me because she thought the had forgotten about her or didn't want her there (her friend has always wanted her there for her birth). I had to pretty much yell through the phone before she would listen, telling her that even if she was the second thing on their mind, it would be a distant second because the baby would be the first, as it should be.

After work she wanted to go to the hospital to be with her. I work in a kitchen, and bleach and several other chemicals are used to clean the kitchen when closing down. Not wanting those on me or smelling like them if I was going to be around a newborn, I went home to quickly shower and change. When I wasn't at the hospital within 10 minuted of getting off of work, I get a call from my wife. She is furious with me. She said that I forgot about her and don't care about her, and I should stay home, and she hangs up. I have to call her a few times before she answers, and eventually have to yell before she will listen so I can explain.

I get to the hospital and a few hours later the baby is born without problem, and the new parents are very happy.

We get home, and shortly after my wife lays down, she starts writhing in pain. When she gets stressed the muscles in her back tense up. She got herself so stressed that her muscles tightened up to the point where her back was spasming uncontrollably. I held her until she relaxed enough where it stopped, and we both fell asleep due to exhaustion.

Later I asked her why she thought I would forget about her. Her answer was is that she thinks I still hate her and don't love her because of when she was cheating on me. I told her the fact that I stayed and worked things out with her despite all the things she had shows that I love her. She then said she feels that I don't love her like I did before. I told her that I did, and that I even trust her like I did before (both truthful). But she is still insecure.

Suggestions on what I should do?
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Old 09-07-2009, 07:58 PM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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Default :)

I've no idea. Sorry for your trouble. I just went back and read your posts and it seems consistent with what you've said about your wife- not communicating, taking frustration out on whoever is closest- hopefully the conversations you will have with your wife about this situation will help you to get closer to clear communication with one another.
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Old 09-07-2009, 08:14 PM
DarkHorseJ27 DarkHorseJ27 is offline
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The thing is we've been having the conversations for years, and she is still having trouble communicating. She is better than she once was.

This was her first severe outburst in a long time. It just kind of hurts that even though I was there for her no matter how much she was hurting me, she will still think that I'd forget about her.
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Old 09-07-2009, 09:39 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
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It sounds as if your wife is the one who has not gotten over the cheating, not you. She seems to still be feeling guilt and projecting it on you. If SHE still doesn't like herself and hasn't forgiven herself how could YOU possibly have? To a point, I understand her perspective. I cheated on my husband a couple of years ago. It was only some kissing, but it was before poly came into the picture and it was dishonesty. I still feel guilty and break down about it at times, though he has forgiven me. But I did learn not to project my feelings onto him over time and with counseling. It is really the only thing I can offer here. Time and perhaps counseling.
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Old 09-07-2009, 10:36 PM
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Rarechild Rarechild is offline
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I have a few questions- you said you're both 23- how long have you been married? Been together? (you said you'd been talking about it for years..)

In any case, you seem to be trying very hard to make her happy but as XYZ said, she has to both love herself and get to a place of acceptance along with a desire to improve your communication and avoid needlessly painful situations.

When I was 23 I totally had my head up my ass- so good for you for pursuing the finer points of love! Good luck, and give it time.
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Old 09-08-2009, 12:13 AM
DarkHorseJ27 DarkHorseJ27 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rarechild View Post
I have a few questions- you said you're both 23- how long have you been married? Been together? (you said you'd been talking about it for years..)
We've been together for 4 years, married 1.
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