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  #1  
Old 09-02-2009, 07:15 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Default Coming Out - Redpepper needing some support

"Coming Out"

Redpepper could use any words of support and caring you might wish to pass on. Her parents are taking it very hard about her and her husband's polyamory as well as my involvement with her. She is struggling.

We'll fight through this just as we have fought through everything else and come out on top. Her husband's mom is taking it much better luckily.

Thanks everyone
Peace and Love
Mono
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 10-16-2009 at 03:04 AM. Reason: adding tags
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Old 09-02-2009, 07:25 PM
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Smile Good Luck & Hugs to you all....



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Old 09-02-2009, 07:56 PM
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Sorry to hear this news. Some folks take monogamism pretty seriously.

After I used the term "monogamism," just now, I googled the term. And then I checked online dictionaries ... and the term is not yet in common usage.

Heterosexism is now included in the American Heritage Dictionary, Merriam-Webster's, and others, but only a few years ago it was not -- and so may be the case with "monogamism," ...

–noun a prejudiced attitude or discriminatory practices against non-monogamists and polyamorists .

Racists, sexists, heterosexists and monogamism-ists all believe that their kind is superior to any others -- and often the other kinds are considered "immoral, wrong, evil" ... "disgusting".... Certainly inferior.

Redpepper can be consoled by the fact that the monogamists are equally as wrong as the sexists and the racists, etc. Let her stand strong and say so with those who are ignorant of the facts.
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Old 09-02-2009, 08:05 PM
flakey flakey is offline
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all the best RP!
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Old 09-02-2009, 08:18 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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I read about that on Fakebook.

It ain't right for sure.

How did they deal with it when she was gay? Did they know about that?

Parents should support their kids' happiness no matter what. All that should matter to them is that she's happy and healthy, and not in trouble with the criminal justice system.

Cupcakes and ice-cream (or Rice-Dream for you vegans) for everyone!

Last edited by NeonKaos; 09-02-2009 at 08:22 PM.
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Old 09-02-2009, 08:20 PM
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Be strong girl. (((hugs))) Im sure that once they start to comprehend a bit better that It will all be ok. KUP please. Thinking of you all.
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Old 09-02-2009, 08:41 PM
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Hey RP, I'm sending good thoughts your way, and good thoughts for you too Mono. I think you did the right thing in taking a stance on truth, "your truth." Hang in there, sometimes the greatest struggles produce the greatest and most positive results.

Barry
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Old 09-02-2009, 11:21 PM
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Things will work out. Patience and faith in your parents who have probably been there standing by you. This is a slightly bigger bomb for most people than annoucing gender preferences as being homosexual is much more "out" there than poly is.

They love you, they have seen you all together, they will remember how happy you all are as a family and then realize that if this is what it takes to make you happy, then they can accept it. Approval would be nice, but not necessary.

*hugs* for you all.
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Old 09-02-2009, 11:52 PM
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Here's hoping your family can adjust to the largeness of the love you experience.

Sometimes all it takes is time. Let's hope the love in your family wins over the fear.
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Old 09-04-2009, 03:56 AM
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Wow, you guys are all so awesome *tear* *sniff*

Such kind words of support. I really appreciate that. It means more than you know....

It was just as hard to come out with this as it was to come out that I was a lesbian a million years ago... Then they mourned that they might not have grand kids. This time they were mostly concerned about the grandchild they do have.

We ended up having to say something as they were building themselves into a frenzy with concern that Mono's interest in our family is my son!!! They eventually asked what is going on and said they were very concerned that Mono was going to look after my son for the day this past Monday. My Dad called a family meeting, which we had on Monday night.

The meeting started with my asking them what their concerns were. It came out that they thought Mono was molesting our child and that is why there was a lack of comfort and strange tension in the air when he was around. They thought his presence in our life was confusing and unhealthy for our son and that he wasn't getting enough time with his parents... possibly that he is confused about who his Daddy is. I was frustrated with these comments and argued the points but my husband pointed out that they were valid concerns.... I agreed that we would look at them more closely and if something hadn't changed around some behaviours he's been having (I think related to other circumstances) then we would seek some professional help in October. I think the behaviour will stop when school starts.

It was the next part that was the roughest. My Mum launched into a tyraid of assumptions, judgments, accusations and finger pointing... even sighting the fact that this was all my Dad's fault because he cheated on her when we were kids. I was horrified when she told him that she only stayed with him so that we kids could have enough money to go to university! She went on and on about how hard her life has been and how now we have changed everything and that things will never be the same and that she will recent Mono for as long as she lives for taking her family/grandson away from her. That we won't be doing certain things together now because he is in our lives.... on and on. I was surprised because Mono has spent tons of good times with them already!

I was very hurt and at one point almost walked out screaming that I would not tolerate her speaking to us in that way. She almost walked out saying that she was leaving the family.... I made her stay, telling her we had to have it out now, because I wasn't doing this again! It was a nightmare. I am so ashamed I handled the way I did and I am so hurt and angry at what she said.

To top it off I asked that she not speak to anyone until we had told my husbands Mum and she went right ahead and told her that night! Albeit under pressure from my mother in law to say how the meeting went, but still!

Anyway, they had some accusations (etc.) that I will re-work into questions so as to be helpful to anyone reading this.... as I think that this all might be helpful in some way to anyone who is considering coming out or worries about the repercussions as I did. I think I will start a new link for those questions actually..... stay tuned for a link to it.


adding link to new thread.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...=6288#post6288
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Last edited by redpepper; 09-04-2009 at 04:24 AM.
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