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Old 06-02-2014, 09:32 AM
Bluelens Bluelens is offline
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Default A very early good morning

Greetings all.

I am terrible about introductions but let's see where this goes.

Bluelens here. I have been married for 14 years this September. My wife and I started out open/swing several years ago but rarely acted upon it. After some exploration we discovered that we enjoyed a combination of relationship and sex with others and soon discovered the poly end of the 'non monogamous' spectrum. Poly seemed to better encapsulate where we stood philosophically.

We had our first actual relationship with another couple for a couple years and that disolved. After a little break we stumbled upon another couple and things hit off well. After a short time the other female and myself kept going strong while my wife and the other guy fizzled out - they are friends and friendly just things didn't quite connect, it happens. This new dynamic started a new and unexpected chapter. We had talked about what it would be like to have a second relationship where it wasn't with a couple but I think it actually happening was still a little shock to the system. Needless to say a learning curve in respect to comfort levels was needed. Unfortunately since then my wife has had a difficult time in finding another mate. We are still trying to figure things out even alter a few years - which has been tough on everyone.

There have been some rocky areas and we have been able to maneuver through them, mostly.

We have read books and listened to podcasts and read websites but don't have many people we can talk to about things in this realm, which had made it a little difficult to pilot through rough patches. So I'm hoping to be able to engage in conversation here that will provide insight and other approaches to take and different perspectives to keep in mind.

Anyway. That is a brief snapshot of at least me and why I am here.
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Old 06-02-2014, 07:35 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Greetings Bluelens,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Polyamory.com is a big site with quite a diverse range of active members, so I think you will be able to access many different perspectives here and new ways to look at (and approach) things.

Can I ask, what methods has your wife used so far in trying to find a mate, and what have the results been (outside the obvious lack of wanted result)? I may be able to suggest some links/ideas that would be helpful.

Glad you guys have been managing the bumps in the road pretty well so far, and I hope we'll be able to help with that process. Do lots of reading and posting and if you ever need a reliable ear, I'll be following this thread so you can ping me here.

Good luck and glad you could join us!
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
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Old 06-03-2014, 04:47 PM
Nadya Nadya is offline
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Hi Bluelens and welcome to the forum! I hope this forum will provide new perspectives to you and make the bumps on your road a little smaller - it definitely has done that for me.

Sounds like your poly dynamic is good and healthy from what you described. It is cool that you managed to get over the shock of not having a quad and you could go on with your other relationship.

Hope to hear more from you! Feel free to participate in all discussions that you find interesting.
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Old 06-13-2014, 05:32 PM
Bluelens Bluelens is offline
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Well, it isn't as healthy as any of us would like it to be. There have been several discussions as to what poly means individually and as pairs. We are taking a step back to each bring to the table what we see as being poly so that we can better define safe boundaries and understandings moving forward. While none of us want to be overly pigeon-holed, I think having a foundation to start from will only help to restructure and strengthen what has been and what could be.

I look forward to exploring and talking more to everyone here.
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Old 06-13-2014, 06:29 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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You can get a lot of good conversations going on this site, so dig right in.

As far as setting rules and boundaries is concerned, I think that is a perfectly healthy step to take, especially in the early stages of your poly dynamics. Later on you might be more comfortable with things and be able to renegotiate some things. You can kind of figure that out as you go along.

I hope Polyamory.com proves to be helpful in smoothing out some of the bumps along the way.
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