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Old 04-17-2014, 09:52 PM
Ashley612 Ashley612 is offline
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Default Getting Used to Limited Time

First off, will say that I am new to poly. Found a guy I am interested in, but the lack of time to see him is so hard. Feel like I am the one constantly finding time (or trying to find time) to get together, and it leaves me feeling kinda sad and lovesick. Feel like I really like this guy, but kinda feels like very early on (2 weeks in) I am not a priority. Any advice on dealing with limited time and figuring out the difference b/w that and a secondary relationship just not being a priority for someone.
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Old 04-17-2014, 10:43 PM
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moon1336 moon1336 is offline
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get a hobby... hang out with friends... Do something with your time...

I understand what you are going through... it can suck!
I am so used to my love always being attached to the hip with me.
It does give me a love sick feelings as well, but I fill up my time with school, and with my two jobs... but once school is over... I am going to need to pick up another hobby, or something!

You will get through this, and the feeling does go away, with time oh course, and NOT fighting it.
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Old 04-17-2014, 10:57 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is online now
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How much time are we talking about? I really struggled when I met Sam because I wanted to spend a lot of time with him (big time NRE) but I knew that just wasn't possible because of my other obligations (family, work, school). But it was important to make sure he felt valued and that he did get a fair amount of time. So we get approximately 40 hours a week together (2 evenings,overnights, mornings)

You should also find friends, hobbies, and maybe another lover to occupy your time. Van he also find time, even if its an hour lunch date or a walk. I know when I get an impromptu meeting with sam between our overnights it makes it so much easier for me to manage. i know its harder for him because im with nate 3 nights a week where he has to spend that time alone. i think sometimes its hard for someone with a primary to understand the needs of the person that is alone
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Old 04-17-2014, 11:46 PM
Ashley612 Ashley612 is offline
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Well, as far a time. I've just noticed a change in the frequency of texts and such. Plus, I am the one that seems to bring up getting back together. Have tons of friends and hobbies. It just kinda comes across that if he has nothing better to do then he has "time" to get together. Get that people have lives because man only KNOWS I am busy, but when I am into someone I make the time.

Just feel like I am already more invested than he is, and once NRE wears off it's only going to get worse.
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Old 04-18-2014, 12:01 AM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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I do struggle with time in my relationship (if you're interested in reading, the rambling blog link is below in my .sig). However, my circumstances are a bit different: co-primaries (for lack of a better term), where Chops (our hinge) splits his time between two homes. I find that a half-time schedule is difficult for me to feel a "life partner" type of relationship at times (how to share your life with someone when they're not there for a lot of it?). If we were still in NRE, it'd be unbearable.

What I needed in order to feel some level of stability in our relationship was a schedule - I needed to know that we had a plan to see each other, even if things have to get rescheduled. That helped immensely. Your mileage may vary, but it's worth a talk with your partner to get the both of you on the same page regarding what he is able to offer, and what you need (which is not always what you want).

And you may need to keep talking about it if it doesn't work out perfectly the first time. That's okay - rough drafts are progress, not failures.

Good luck.

(Also edited to add that I never liked the "get a hobby" types of responses - they always seemed very "here's a dollar, kid - go find something to do" to me. However, learning how to be alone, and learning to do the things YOU like is a valuable skill - you do need to be comfortable in your own skin to be comfortable being alone. Distractions only help while you have them.)
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Me: Mono. Divorced, 2 kids (DanceGirl & PokéGirl), 2 cats, 1 house, many projects.
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Xena: Chops' other partner, Poly. In a relationship with Shaggy
Choplet: Chops' son
Noa, City, CheeseGirl, Curls: In relationships with Chops
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Last edited by YouAreHere; 04-18-2014 at 12:05 AM. Reason: Splellnig!
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  #6  
Old 04-18-2014, 12:18 AM
Ashley612 Ashley612 is offline
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Thanks YouAreHere. Totally ok being alone. Just don't like wondering if I am being stringed along. Seems to be one of those says one thing and actions say another kinda things. Definitely on the menu to be talked about next time he has some free time.
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