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Old 03-22-2014, 03:44 AM
Tiberius Tiberius is offline
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Default How you came out as poly

Okay, to be clear, I'm not after a thread on ideas on how to come out as poly. Rather, I'm interested as to your own stories on how you came out as poly to other people. How did you tell them? Where you blunt, or did you leave hints around? Have you come out to your parents, friends, co-workers? How did they react? And have you made or lost any friends because of it?

My story is this. For as long as I can remember, I've never really thought it a bad thing to have more than one love. When I was a little kid, I came home from school one day and proudly told my mum that I had several girlfriends at school. Unfortunately, my love life was never a very successful one, and it never really got going until my mid 20s, and despite a rather unfulfilling relationship, the whole idea of non-monogamy never really came to mind. Maybe I was just too busy trying to make one relationship work I just didn't have time to try to get into another one. But when I met my current partner (Ro, for those of you who are keeping track with my other thread), we really hit it off, and we've developed a very strong and secure relationship. We hardly fight, and when we do, we are able to solve the problem quickly. We just WORK.

We'd discussed having an open relationship for a while, but she was usually fairly unsure about it. Recently, a few months ago, Ro came to realise that she is bisexual. Now, I'm about as liberal as you can get, so I told her that she should feel free to explore this newly discovered aspect of herself. We started talking about a threesome with another girl, to which I have absolutely no problem. So, with the idea of opening our relationship up to allow for a threesome, I started looking at the Wikipedia articles on different kinds of open relationships.

And then I got to the one about polyamory. And as I read it, I felt the ideas just resonating with me like none of the others had. It just seemed RIGHT. Now, this was pretty late at night, and Ro was already in bed asleep, but the next morning I told her how the polyamory article had really resonated with me.

So since then, she's read a few things about polyamory, and we've discussed it at length. We've come up with rules and guidelines for how I can pursue other relationships, and we're getting to a point where we're both pretty comfortable with it.

I've also told a few other people. I told my best friend from highschool (a guy who is like a brother to me), and he played devil's advocate to make sure I was doing it for the right reasons, which was pretty good. And I've told another good friend who lives interstate. She's quite religious, so she has her worries, and she was also quite surprised. I've also told a guy at work, as he's also got an open relationship, although his is more of a casual sex thing rather than polyamory.

What about your stories?
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Old 03-22-2014, 03:53 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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We just did.
We already lived together.
We told the kids. Then we told everyone else and moved on with our lives.
Very undramatic.
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Old 03-22-2014, 04:48 AM
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Have you done a search? Lots of threads here on the topic. The "official" general discussion thread, for your reading pleasure: Coming out
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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Old 03-22-2014, 05:20 AM
Tiberius Tiberius is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Have you done a search? Lots of threads here on the topic. The "official" general discussion thread, for your reading pleasure: Coming out
Yeah, I know there are threads on coming out, but the ones I saw were more about people asking for advice on how to do it, whereas I was hoping for this to be more along the lines of people just telling their stories.
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Old 03-23-2014, 05:36 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
We just did.
We already lived together.
We told the kids. Then we told everyone else and moved on with our lives.
Very undramatic.
I was about to say

We haven't.. cause we just kind of do... but thats been with "todays" friends and acquaintances.

Most of my family, I haven't bothered, more because I could care less what they think.

The two people that matter, my cousin and my mom. I did come out to. Both already knew I was non-monogamous, both knew beth and I had dated (far more polite than saying boned) girls together. I emailed my mom my extended story and with my cousin, I .. honestly. I am not sure. I think I just said "hey heres my gf".. all relatively normal

Now my mom comes out to visit and stay with us. She is called grandma Pat.

Non-monogamy has been in my family since the 70's. My uncle had endless gf's and was a swinger, (so was his wife) and I would be money my other cousins were too. My Dad and Mom were monogamous but very accepting. I talked with them about all of my hedonism.
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Old 03-27-2014, 04:59 PM
copperhead copperhead is offline
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As I've been telling people about why my relationship ended (I was cheated on and lied to), I felt the need to tell about polyamory as well, to give the full context to it all. Most people have reacted with "and he still cheated on you anyway 0.o". So I guess the old wisdom of if you want a puppy ask for a llama first, applies to this too. The breakup and the reason that led to it captured everyones attention so that I didn't need to have long discussions about poly. But I'm pretty much out now.
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Old 03-27-2014, 05:42 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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I just live my life.
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Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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Old 03-28-2014, 09:49 AM
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Mya Mya is offline
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I don't need to hide my loves from most people, so I come out all the time. It's a process that never ends because you meet new people and then you have to tell them again. This means I have dozens of coming out stories. The most recent one was when I was out with a group of people who I share the same hobby with and one of them was asking me about a trip a made recently. I went alone and he asked what inspired me to go alone. I said that I'm around people quite a lot in my daily life, so I thought I could use some me time. He then asked if I have a partner and I replied "I have two." That sparked a conversation about poly and people asked me a lot of questions. That's usually how it goes. Although sometimes I can just say it as a side note and move on if people aren't interested in knowing more. I like it when that happens, it makes me feel like it's normal.
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