Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-07-2014, 09:54 AM
Eclipse Eclipse is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 46
Default Is life supposed to be this surreal?

I'm going to have to tell this story in several parts. It takes me time to get everything together in my head and lay it down in a coherent fashion. (or at least what would sound coherent to another human being.) As such, there are things that I'm going to leave out from time to time that will hopefully be filled in by the two absolutely wonderful women in my life as they read this.

I suppose the best way to start would be to say that the best day of my life was fifteen years ago (give or take a bit) when my wife and I got married. It was an elopement. She was 18 and I was 22 at the time. We were already pregnant and neither of our parents thought that we were going to last beyond a few years. And to be totally truthful, there were times that we didn't believe we would either. But the good times are always what seems to stick in your memory and that was an amazing time. Fifteen years later I still remember being nervous and hearing the same nervousness reflected back at me as she spoke her part of our wedding vows.

My wife has beautifully long and curly hair. In fact, it's something that strikes me so much about her that I will be referring to her as "Curls" throughout this story.

Two months later the first of our three daughters was born. They were spaced evenly. Once every three years for most of the next decade we had a baby. It was hard at first, very hard. We weren't any more equipped to be parents than we were to be married. She was a stay at home mom and I was working a low paying job. It's a miracle we survived to get to where we are today.

Things improved. I finished college and got a decent job, not the best job, but the right one for me. Most people hate the retail environment, I absolutely love it. Curls went to college and didn't just stop at the bachelors degree I have, she went on to get her Ph.D. in English. I couldn't have been more proud of her if I tried. She is in the education field right now. I will never say more about it than that. Nowhere will I find people that understand the need for secrecy more than I will here. We live a lifestyle that isn't considered mainstream acceptable and I unfortunately I think it will remain that way for many years to come.

Our trip down the road to polyamory started about five years ago. It's amazing how some things can go unsaid in a relationship for years, sometimes even a decade or more. After a very, very intense sexual encounter between Curls and I, we spent the entire night talking. We already had our guards and inhibitions way down, and it led to us talking about having other sexual partners. We realized that we were both interested in doing so under very controlled circumstances. That led to our first experiments with swinging. Some of them were very good, some of them were almost comically bad. We went on a swinging cruise and met a lot of really awesome people and it sparked a total change in our lifestyle.

I will discuss this more as time goes on, but I have come to the conclusion over the years that sexual "stuffiness" is the cause for way more relationship problems than anything else. For Curls and I, almost all marital problems we had vanished as soon as we allowed others into the bedroom. How is this such a mechanism for change? I have no idea, but in our case it worked.

I had never even HEARD the word "polyamory" until about a year ago. And oddly enough, it was from the mouth of the third member of our triad.

Every summer, the store I am a manager in gets a few dozen new employees. This was how I met Freckles. A 22 year old music major with long red hair and freckles covering her entire body, she was one of the most horrific employees I ever had. She was absolutely useless. You can't see me grinning ear to ear as I'm typing this, so it sounds more harsh than it really is. Freckles was terrible. She showed up late, she was sneaking her phone out to text every single time I had my back turned. I gritted my teeth every time I saw her.

One day I went to Taco Bell to get dinner after work and she was there. She's incredibly outgoing, and though I didn't want any company, she came and sat down at my table and we started talking. And I'm so glad we did. She turned out to have the exact same taste in me about EVERYTHING. Movies, books, music... we like all of the same stuff. This dinner date thing turned into a routine. We met two or three days a week and just talked, sometimes for hours.

I'm not going to pretend that I was relieved when she quit her job and took a new one. Some of the reasons for my relief were wholesome, others not so much. She sucked as an employee, but I missed seeing her face at work. Still, I already was becoming very attracted to her, and I knew that nothing would ever be able to happen as long as she worked for me.

Curls was a the first big obstacle to what came next...

Very tired. Going to continue writing tomorrow.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-07-2014, 11:46 AM
Tiberius Tiberius is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 96
Default

Sounds interesting so far, so posting to subscribe.
__________________
I'm an expert at sexual innuendo. I could keep it up all night.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-08-2014, 06:29 AM
Eclipse Eclipse is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 46
Default

I was very careful how I approached talking to Curls about Freckles. I started bringing her up in conversations about work from time to time, then talking more and more about how much her and I had in common and how we were spending time talking outside of work. I kept stressing one thing in particular... that Freckles was in a relationship with another female.

Curls can be very territorial. She was on the defensive almost from the very beginning. Me having other sexual partners she was totally okay with. In our view, sex is sex... the only strings that are attached are the ones we create. But this was something different entirely... this wasn't a new sexual partner, this was someone that I had an actual friendship and emotional connection to. Curls is more than willing to admit that she saw this new friend of mine as a serious threat in the beginning.

I decided to fix this issue by having us all go out to dinner one night together. Me, Curls and our kids met Freckles at a restaurant and enjoyed a nice evening together. We came back to our house and hung out for a while afterward. Nothing was ever spoken beyond friendly chit-chat, but Curls was much more easy to deal with after she had a chance to meet my new friend.

Things went on like this for a couple months. Freckles was over at our house once or twice a week, either having dinner with our family or spending an evening watching a movie with my wife and I. We STILL didn't talk anything about relationships or even see each other as any more than really good friends.

I think I've isolated the time that started to change in my head down to one conversation Freckles and I had when I had taken her home and was walking her into her apartment. She had recently broken up with her girlfriend of about nine months. We talked a little bit about marriage and she laughed it off, she said that she was too free-spirited to ever be in a functional marriage. She said 'maybe' a polyamorous marriage would work for her. As I had pointed out... at this time, I wasn't even familiar with that term, so I had to google it as soon as I got home. Freckles SWEARS to me that she meant nothing by that comment, certainly wasn't hinting that she wanted to be in a relationship with my wife and I. I believe her (I don't tell her that, I have so much entertainment giving her a hard time about it.).

Anyway... I got to thinking about this. Trying to work it out in my head how this could even happen. It became a daydreaming topic for me throughout the next week, and I found that I not only would like this arrangement, but I could actually picture it working. We have a large house with a couple guest rooms, we could easily have her move into one of those rooms.

I decided to talk to Freckles first about it. My logic was that this was going to be hard sell for Curls, and if Freckles wasn't receptive to the idea, then it would be a lot of wasted effort for nothing. So the two of us met like we used to, a fast food restaurant after I got off work. I pitched the idea to her. At first she wasn't interested. She said she wasn't ready for that kind of commitment.

I was bitterly disappointed, I will admit. So I let it go. And then something funny started happening. Once every couple days, sometimes a couple times a day, Freckles would text me something. Usually it would start with "It would be awesome..." or "It would be funny..." followed by some little aspect of daily life that would be a result of the three of us being together. After a couple weeks of doing this, she called me and told me she changed her mind, and she was open to this.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-08-2014, 07:55 PM
FullofLove1052's Avatar
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 875
Default

I look forward to following your journey, and I have enjoyed what you have written so far. I wish you well with everything. xo

Ry
__________________
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Mr. Grey - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 12 years and father of our (3) children.
Closed.

My Blog
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-09-2014, 07:34 AM
Eclipse Eclipse is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 46
Default

Thanks Ry, I have already read a lot of your journey too and though it has a bumpy path, I'm glad you are in a place of contentment now.

I'm going to admit right now that I have the predisposition toward being manipulative. That should be obvious right from the time I got Curls and Freckles together in a restaurant to try to get them comfortable with each other. I did the same thing now, only much more drastically.

You see, Curls is always at her most open-minded state right after we have sex. The more mind-blowing the sex, the more open to suggestion she is. I took her to dinner one night and we came back to a house empty, the kids gone over to their grandmother's house for the weekend. To get to the point, Curls and I were laying in bed afterwards and rehashing a couple months worth of sexual partners. She was already aware that I had told Freckles about our swinger lifestyle and although Curls had given me permission to hook up with Freckles, we never had.

I have already 'fessed up about this, so I can write it knowing full well that my wonderful wife is going to read it. But, I railroaded her into being the one to initiate the "what exactly IS Freckles to us?" conversation. Instead of coming straight out and saying "Why don't we try for something more with her?", I let Curls ask the question for me. Now... we have had more threesomes than I can remember, both of the MMF and MFF variety, but this would be the first time we have ever considered letting someone into our bed that we were more than casually friendly with.

We talked it over VERY carefully, and Curls was actually much more receptive than I ever thought she would be. I shouldn't have been that surprised, though. The two of them had become friends since they met, occasionally going out and having lunch together, or going shopping together when I was at work. This didn't prevent Curls from being apprehensive. We had been mono for a LONG time, and we both had to seriously consider what this would mean to us, but we didn't want to do it alone.

The next night we invited Freckles over. Kids were still gone and the three of us sat in our bedroom on the bed facing each other and drinking Mike's hard lemonade. We reaffirmed that all three of us were interested in moving forward and then we talked until the sun came up. We tried to touch on everything we could.

Our house, for one, seemed to be tailor made for our arrangement. It was a custom job and has a bizarre floor plan. One thing that works out for us is that the master bedroom closed is a "jack and jill" closet shared with one of the guest rooms. We decided that Freckles would move into that guest room. She could freely come and go through that door into our room and vice versa. At night we would keep the bedroom doors locked and she would sleep in our bed when she wanted to, but had the freedom to keep her own space if she so desired it. We decided that there would be no PDAs in front of the kids. We are more than aware that the secret can't keep forever, especially from our oldest daughter, but for the time being we didn't want to let on about our lifestyle.

I pointed out that commitment is a rough thing for Freckles, and she has been terrified from the beginning of messing up and letting us down, but we have tried to make things as easy for her as we can. Despite giving her the option to do her own thing, she decided that she wanted to abide by the same rules that Curls and I keep for each other... Full disclosure about where we are outside the house, no unprotected sex with anyone outside the triad, and always be back home before sunrise.

As it turns out. That was our first night sleeping together as a triad. (no sex, we were exhausted) It was also the last night Freckles slept in the middle. My god... she moves around in her sleep more than anyone I have ever seen in my life. Now we take turns on who has to be next to her and spend the night getting kicked and punched in our sleep.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-09-2014, 03:33 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,668
Default

I know this is a blog, and we aren't supposed to be critical, but I am confused. You knew Freckles as a friend, thought she was attractive, and based on those qualities alone, decided to move her in (to your house with your 3 young daughters) and have your wife and you start having sex with her and sleeping together?

I think people usually date a while and then consider moving in together after 6-24 months or so. So this seems backwards to me! How did you know she would make a good life partner for both you and your wife?
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:31 PM.