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Old 02-28-2014, 04:21 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Default First Date

So, for the fun of it, I'm posting here:

My partner is going to a party, tomorrow night, with this new girl. First date. I've met her before, we clicked on a friendship level. Both he and I are open to the idea of her being with both of us, though obviously that has to be her decision It's really more that he and I are toying with the idea, than anything. I don't even know if she likes women.

I don't really have any weird feelings, but this is the first girl he's gone on a date with since we've been together (going on three years now).

There's also the whole, him maybe being intimate with another girl, who isn't me, and I'm not involved at all. That also hasn't happened in years.

Just interested in hearing experiences and stories on that same issue

Edit: On the whole issue of "fairness," I have gone on dates the whole time, and, although rarely, had relations with people without him being involved.

Last edited by PolyinPractice; 02-28-2014 at 04:24 PM.
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Old 02-28-2014, 05:30 PM
juber juber is offline
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I'm in a similar boat. My wife will be going on her 1st (ever) Polydate in a couple weeks. Due to the distances involved, she and her friend are meeting for the first time in a remote location and if things click, will be spending the weekend together.

Intimacy is expected and I am pretty good with it. I am sure I will have "moments" over the weekend - but I am sure the kids will keep me busy and I have some time scheduled for myself in the evenings to do things that I don't have a lot of time for anymore .
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Old 02-28-2014, 05:54 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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What you've described is where the rubber meets the road. Actually living through what you've said, theoretically, you can handle.

I just started being poly about 6 months ago. My significant other has been poly for years and it was something I had to be on-board with if I was going to date her.

As a small backstory, we were with each other non-stop for about two months before she went out on her first date with someone else. When she finally told me, it put my stomach in knots and had me pacing the floorboards.

Since then, she's gone on at least 7 or 8 dates (some repeat dates with the same guy, but nothing continuous) and I've been able to get to a headspace where I have even driven her to the dates, picked her up, and even helped her get dressed.

My roommates had to spend some time with me while she was out on her dates, in essence holding my hand because I was on pins and needles. Part of that was because I had no way of knowing when she was coming home to me and that was nerve wracking. For me at least, it has gotten progressively easier.

That said, we've just been through a stage where she's been with me 24/7 for over a month. I can tell that she's got some new friends on Tinder and OkCupid so it won't be long until she goes on another date. And I do wonder if one of them will be a new steady boyfriend in addition to me. That next person could always be "the one" who really impacts your relationship.

The best advice I can give you is that you need to get your own stuff going on in life and try to become as independent as you can. Take the relationship for what it's worth and what you get. Don't be afraid to voice if you aren't getting what you need out of the relationship, but don't make it an ultimatum. Either you're getting what you want or you aren't. Once your partner knows that, they can either decide they want to adjust their behavior or they don't. It's as simple as that.

I wish you both well. I know it's not easy.
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Me - male, 42, poly, straight, in a serious relationship with Audrey, also casually dating.

Audrey - female, 20, poly, pansexual, also casually dating.
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  #4  
Old 02-28-2014, 07:11 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vanquish View Post
What you've described is where the rubber meets the road. Actually living through what you've said, theoretically, you can handle.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanquish View Post
The best advice I can give you is that you need to get your own stuff going on in life and try to become as independent as you can. Take the relationship for what it's worth and what you get. Don't be afraid to voice if you aren't getting what you need out of the relationship, but don't make it an ultimatum. Either you're getting what you want or you aren't. Once your partner knows that, they can either decide they want to adjust their behavior or they don't. It's as simple as that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanquish View Post
I wish you both well. I know it's not easy.
I should probably add that my partner is married, so it's not exactly "theoretical" (not that I think you should be a mind reader).

It's more of:

1) This is the first time he's been out on a date, since he gave up casually dating girls he wasn't really that into (i.e. hooking up). (Please note, I'm not actually worried that he's really into this girl, not that I would mind. But that isn't an issue I'll be confronted with yet).
2) It's literally been two years. I kind of got used to us only going on dates with other people together (that is, him, me, and the other girl).

I do appreciate your advice, though. Actually the reason he's going on a date with her, is I told him I couldn't make it due to family obligations. He understood, and of course asked another girl out (which made me feel good, actually). Part of the reason he's dating more, is I'm less and less available, and he's forced to make new relationships, or spend a lot of time alone.
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  #5  
Old 02-28-2014, 11:17 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Update:

And....she cancelled on him, so no party after all.
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