Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 02-22-2014, 01:02 AM
OptimistiCynic OptimistiCynic is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 4
Default Any other gay men in a relationship with a bisexual man?

Hello,

I am a 35 year old gay man in a relationship of almost a year with a really amazing 28 year old bi man. We have been friends for about 2 1/2 years. He told me shortly after we started dating that at first he hadn't wanted to date me because he was looking for a girlfriend, but he really liked me and so he went for it. Our relationship has been amazing. I have told him from the get go that I don't mind if he also dates girls, but lately we have been discussing opening up our relationship in a more polyamorous way and inviting a woman into our relationship, so that he can also have what he gets her as well as what he gets from me. My only rule really is he can't try to bring in one of my friends.

He and a girl who is a very close friend of mine started to develop feelings for one another (oh, did I mention they are roommates, although he sleeps at my house every night). Before anything happened he came to tell me what was going on, and I felt hurt and betrayed and I told him so. I thought for a moment that perhaps it would work, after all, I already liked her. But I thought about her relationship to my roommates (they're great friends) and our extended circle, and it only ended badly in my head, not to mention that the idea of the two of them together made me so insanely jealous and angry. So that got nipped in the bud. Or rather it will have been as of tonight when they have a conversation. He is willing to let that slide by and focus on finding someone who is not already in the network. And that makes me love him even more.

I guess my biggest fear though is that he will get frustrated at meeting girls who like him, but aren't amenable to a situation that includes me, and that the frustration will become overwhelming to him and he will leave me in order to make it easier to find a girl.

I have voiced this to him and he has tried to make me feel as safe and secure as possible which right now is like an 85%, which I don't think is so bad.

Anyone out there ever been in a similar situation?

Thanks for letting me rant.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 02-22-2014, 01:25 AM
london london is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
Default

I think the main issue is a poly issue he has to deal with.. even in poly circles, singles seem more in demand. This will be conflated by the reality that a sizeable amount of women won't date bi men. Ask him what is most important:
Being poly
Having a heterosexual relationship
Being embraced by partners as bi. Not having to hide it.

If being poly and accepted is less important, be cautious.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-22-2014, 01:32 AM
OptimistiCynic OptimistiCynic is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 4
Default

He's told me that he loves me, but he feels like something is missing in his life. So I think it is more about having a girl to love than it is about being poly or accepted.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02-22-2014, 01:47 AM
london london is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
Default

You have to ask him directly. Compatible woman who requires monogamy vs poly/poly friendly partners, would he go for the former? Is being poly more important than having a heterosexual relationship?
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 02-22-2014, 02:40 AM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,629
Default

What is it about him having a romantic relationship with one of your friends that bothers you? It can be hard to think a partner of your partner is worthy of him, but you already know her and like her...

Jealousy is something that needs to be worked through. Do a tag or word search here for tips and moral support.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 02-22-2014, 04:50 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 518
Default

He told you he'd give up someone he cared for, in order to satisfy your insecurities, and you loved him MORE for this? I would think, if you couldn't feel bad over this, that you wouldn't feel happy for the two of you over it.....
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:14 PM.