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Old 02-14-2014, 09:22 PM
Spiritowl Spiritowl is offline
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Default hello everyone

Hi!
I am here to view and learn from others in similar situations to mine.

I am a married 26 yo woman. I have been married to Thomas for 6 years.

Early in our marriage we tried what we categorized as 'swinging'. Whereas it was 'fun' it caused issue after issue for us. Mostly for me since I attach myself to people in many cases.

After much consideration we ended that. We have a daughter together now and we're considering seriously being mono. However we saw the chances of infidelity and felt having an open marriage may be better.

My husband is interested in sex for sex sake AND relationships.

I however am in a.committed relationship with an older man, Paul. He is 43 and has been a fixture in our lives since we were dating. He adores pur daughter as his own blood and enjoys being with us both as family.

Paul and I have been in an intimate relationship for about a year, tho not all of that time was it sexual.

My sexual relationship with Paul does not involve Thomas at all. And his sexual relationships do not and will not involve me. That seems to keep very good peace in our family and everyone is happy with it.

Paul lives with his own wife who is more of a room mate. He allows her whatever she desires outside their marriage. She knows but 'doesnt know' our arrangements. We do not discuss it and find that to be a respectful arrangement.

M deepening relationship with Paul caused me to realize a lot about my marriage with Thomas and I have grown to learn so much about my roles as a wife and mother!

We have two female friends who used to be involved with both of us that support us greatly and are like family as well. They are in pseudo relationship with Thomas. We have known them for years and have great love for them.

Please.feel free to ask questions, I'm excited to learn what kinds of folks are out here.

Last edited by Spiritowl; 02-14-2014 at 09:24 PM.
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Old 02-14-2014, 09:51 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Greetings Spiritowl,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Sounds like you have tried a couple of relationship models, and found out what works best for you. If you haven't yet read "Opening Up" (by Tristan Taormino), you may find it interesting.

How does Thomas feel about Paul? Any chance one of Thomas' female friends will "upgrade" their relationship with him?

Hope you enjoy your stay on Polyamory.com; you'll find so many different kinds of people and configurations here.

Regards,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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Old 02-15-2014, 01:46 AM
Spiritowl Spiritowl is offline
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Thank you for the welcome!
Thomas has his moments. Honestly his age makes a huge difference. My husband is 26 and as I said P is 43. Thomas is a typical young guy and Paul has been married twice, two adult children, military background and has lived in many dofferent places. There is jealousy but it is usually open and handled with clarity when it pops up. I view T as my primary since we are married with a child. I so my best not to let occasions or time wih P to overshadow him. That helps the peace.

The two girls are willing and love him. They are looking for him to put more effort in. He really cannot seem to find what he needs. I think he is truly in search mode for his sexuality. He is bisexual.
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Old 02-15-2014, 03:47 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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"Paul lives with his own wife who is more of a room mate. He allows her whatever she desires outside their marriage. She knows but 'doesnt know' our arrangements. We do not discuss it and find that to be a respectful arrangement."

Have you ever asked him what would happen if she did find out about you?
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Old 02-15-2014, 05:00 AM
Spiritowl Spiritowl is offline
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Oh yes we have discussed it. He takes full responsibility for her knowledge if she does find out. In his words 'it won't be your problem'.
I let him handle his marriage and remain respectful when we are around each other. We are civil and kind.
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Old 02-16-2014, 03:46 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hi and welcome! You sound very secure and happy with how things are going in your life. So, good for you. Something about your writing style reminds me of another member we have here - her username is idealist. It's not your situations, which are very different from each other, but she also writes in a straightforward, confident voice.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Spiritowl View Post
She knows but 'doesnt know' our arrangements.
By this, do you mean that she knows her husband has relationships with others, but she prefers not to be aware of who they (you) are or when he meets up with them (you)?
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Old 02-16-2014, 05:10 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Re (from Spiritowl):
Quote:
"The two girls are willing and love him. They are looking for him to put more effort in. He really cannot seem to find what he needs. I think he is truly in search mode for his sexuality. He is bisexual."
Hummm, T is perhaps trying to decide if he wants a relationship with a man?

In general, it sounds like you and T have things worked out reasonably well; just a bump in the road now and then. Polyamory is an ongoing journey and ever a work in progress, I think.
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Old 02-16-2014, 05:48 AM
Spiritowl Spiritowl is offline
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Paul's wife and he have completely desperate groups of friends. She doesn't care for any of his Friwnds actually. She is civil to us. She knows of some of his other past relationships. She tolerates I suppose.

As for Thomas, my husband. Yes he has been with more men than women. He is truly searching for himself in this.
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Old 02-17-2014, 07:10 AM
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Well, I hope it all works out. I can see how there might be sources of stress or friction here and there.
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