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Old 02-12-2014, 03:16 AM
Kimk010514 Kimk010514 is offline
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What r some guidelines that a married poly couple and their girlfriend can set so no one has to walk on egg shells or feel uncomfortable
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Old 02-12-2014, 03:34 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Well ...

A few basics you could cover:
Thing is, I don't know that you're not already covering those basics. It's a little hard to serve up a one-size-fixes-all formula. Questions need to be asked, such as, What's making you/any of you feel uncomfortable? and, What's making you/any of you walk on eggshells?

It's really really important that everyone be 100% honest. The truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth. Not to say delivery style doesn't matter because it does. Be respectful. Be compassionate. Be a good listener. Never stop learning to communicate more and better.

And you know, you could do everything perfect and you'd still have some discomfort/eggshell walking. Some things only find their natural streambed to flow through after time, trial, and error have worked their magic.

If you could post more info about your sitch in this thread, I'd be more likely to be able to think of some effective advice. But maybe what's in this post is a start?

Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 02-12-2014, 03:37 AM
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RichardInTN RichardInTN is offline
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Location: East Tennessee
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"Guidelines" can be as varied as there are different people in the world. What works great for one group may be too constricting for another group and too open for the next. The important thing for any group is to find what works for YOUR group. And it is VERY important that you (and your group) decide together.

There is no "global right or wrong" when it comes to how poly families arrange themselves and their rules.
Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combination
I believe in I.D.I.C.
(Vulcans would LOVE {pardon the pun} Polyamory)
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Old 02-12-2014, 03:51 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Depends on why someone is walking on egg shells or feeling uncomfortable. Every situation is unique.

Recommended reading (a short article):
How to Make It Work - Tools for Healthy Polyamorous Relationships

There are a few great threads here about how people developed their boundaries. Here's a long, but very good, one:
What are your poly relationship rules or boundaries?
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 02-12-2014 at 06:27 AM.
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Old 02-12-2014, 06:21 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,329

Guidelines to not feel? Not realistic or healthy to me.

Easier to set guidelines for how to talk, speak your truth, and work things out THROUGH the discomfort to me. IME, confidence is grown by doing, and once confident and not fearful the discomfort disappears.

For the jealousy could try this... Esp page 5 and 6



Last edited by GalaGirl; 02-12-2014 at 06:31 AM.
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