Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 02-10-2014, 04:38 PM
civfan civfan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 31
Default Honesty about Jealousy

So I have a girl friend who has a girl friend and that make me jealous but the thought of even seeing my girl friend holding another mans hand makes me even more jealous, so my question to you who consider yourselves successfully poly is do you really have what you'd consider sever jealousy issues that you work out with self talk and communication on an almost daily/weekly basis?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 02-10-2014, 04:51 PM
london london is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635
Default

Generally speaking, if i felt negatively about my partner's other relationships more often than I felt indifferent or positive, it would make me doubtful about the relationship and/or the relationship style meeting my needs.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-10-2014, 05:47 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 519
Default Is poly right for you?

Civfan,

I respect your efforts to be comfortable with something like poly, but from all your posts...it really doesn't seem like poly is a match for you.

Yes, there are struggles, but if you have "severe" reactions to poly, jealousy that overwhelms you, worries that your girlfriend will kick you to the curb if YOU get a girlfriend, too....it just doesn't seem like a healthy environment to begin new relationships.

Balancing multiple relationships can be tricky, but, from personal experience, I can say that poly makes me happier, more relaxed, and more myself. It's not something I forced myself to tolerate.

If that doesn't hold true for you, it's perfectly okay to be monogamous.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 02-10-2014, 05:55 PM
civfan civfan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 31
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
Civfan,

I respect your efforts to be comfortable with something like poly, but from all your posts...it really doesn't seem like poly is a match for you.

Yes, there are struggles, but if you have "severe" reactions to poly, jealousy that overwhelms you, worries that your girlfriend will kick you to the curb if YOU get a girlfriend, too....it just doesn't seem like a healthy environment to begin new relationships.

Balancing multiple relationships can be tricky, but, from personal experience, I can say that poly makes me happier, more relaxed, and more myself. It's not something I forced myself to tolerate.

If that doesn't hold true for you, it's perfectly okay to be monogamous.
Thanks for being honest, very good info, I agree that poly probably and never will be good for me but I realize my gf is poly atm so I just have to deal with it.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 02-10-2014, 08:25 PM
civfan civfan is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 31
Default

Wow, just spent an hour and a half on the phone arguing with my gf and her gf about reading up more and trying to solve the jealousy created in me when they have sex while I am in the other room! Even this doesn't happen in the poly kingdom does it, anyone really have sex with a secondary while a primary is in the other room?
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 02-10-2014, 08:41 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,830
Default

It can if all participants are comfortable and willing for that to happen.

But the main thing here is lack of clear communication about boundaries for the shared home. And the fact that you are not comfortable and that you all do not seem to do conflict resolution in an effective way.


http://www.kathylabriola.com/articles
http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/do...documents.html

Maybe those could help you articulate jealousy feelings.

As to you knowing you do not want poly shipping but you continue to participate in one... I can only suggest you stop participating in things you do not really want. There is nothing wrong with monoshipping.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 02-10-2014 at 08:45 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 02-11-2014, 02:05 AM
Dagferi's Avatar
Dagferi Dagferi is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,237
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by civfan View Post
Wow, just spent an hour and a half on the phone arguing with my gf and her gf about reading up more and trying to solve the jealousy created in me when they have sex while I am in the other room! Even this doesn't happen in the poly kingdom does it, anyone really have sex with a secondary while a primary is in the other room?
Yes I have had sex with Murf while Butch is in the other room.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 02-11-2014, 12:46 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 4,211
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by civfan View Post
Wow, just spent an hour and a half on the phone arguing with my gf and her gf about reading up more and trying to solve the jealousy created in me when they have sex while I am in the other room! Even this doesn't happen in the poly kingdom does it, anyone really have sex with a secondary while a primary is in the other room?
Yes, I have sex with my bf while my gf is in the other room. Sometimes when she is in the room (like if we are all watching TV together and bf and I start messing around). Sometimes we all have sex together, as you and your gf and her gf used to do!

But I have read here of some people new to poly going mad with jealousy if their partner has sex with their OSO in the next room. So, advice is, get out of the house, or ask the other 2 to have sex at OSO's place. Or, after the 2 gfs are done, your gf could come in to you and take care of your sexual needs. I quite often do this, go take care of gf after being with bf, in case she felt aroused or left out after hearing me and him getting it on.

I am sorry your communication is not going well.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 09:54 AM.