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  #1  
Old 01-23-2014, 04:28 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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Default Head spinning. Every day is a different adventure.

This will be my blog about the poly relationship I am in with a girl that I will simply call M. I am 42, male, straight, divorced with no kids, and lean monogamous. M is 20 years old, female, pansexual, never married, and polyamorous. I live in the house I inherited from my father, trying to make a living as an attorney, though things are slow. I rent out several rooms to make ends meet. M is a model with sporadic photoshoots, who lives at home with her parents and 18 year old brother.

M and I met when we were both enthralled with other people, but felt ourselves deeply connected. At the time, we were both heavily in the BDSM community. Myself as a D-type. Herself as an s-type. Our first date was absolutely magical, lasting for 3 days, and moving from butterflies across a Waffle House table, to holding each other and not wanting to let go as we watched the sun rise. In fact, after I left, she called me to come straight back (it's a 30 min drive) because she felt medically uneasy at my leaving. I did just that and calmed her down in a way she said she'd never felt before.

At that time she had a long-distance relationship with someone I'll call TB. TB had met her about a year prior in another town. She fell in love as he perhaps did, but really all that remained of their interaction was that he had her collared in a BDSM relationship (He was her Daddy), and she took the bus to see him once a month or three. She was afraid she was losing him and we bonded over my unrequited love for a girl I had just gotten out of a BDSM relationship with.

Despite our pinings, we had so many things in common - a love for food and travel and fashion, as well as the same sense of humor and must of the same pop-culture entertainment. She was always up front about being poly. She had even enforced that with TB, saying that she could date whomever she wanted. Having never dated anyone poly, I asked what that meant and she said that she "was able to date and love whomever she wanted and still date and love other people." I get it. You date around and have sex and develop feelings even for these people. All at the same time. Honestly, at the beginning I still was enthralled with my prior BDSM partner and could see me loving both of them at the same time. I got it and decided it was something I wanted because I was (and still am) really into M.
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  #2  
Old 03-11-2014, 03:12 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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reserved to fill in later.
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Me - male, 42, poly, straight, in a serious relationship with Audrey, also casually dating.

Audrey - female, 20, poly, pansexual, also casually dating.
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  #3  
Old 03-11-2014, 03:13 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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another reservation.
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Me - male, 42, poly, straight, in a serious relationship with Audrey, also casually dating.

Audrey - female, 20, poly, pansexual, also casually dating.
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  #4  
Old 03-11-2014, 03:30 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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An amazing development.

Last night, M told me she believed I was her soulmate. You gotta understand, this is someone that gets nervous at even calling anything a relationship. Someone who has professed to be poly to the core and had a major breakup 6 months ago. To be fair, I myself, got divorced about 8 months ago.

She'd gone on a trip with her mother and brother to watch her brother play guitar and sing at a folk/blues club and had a night out. I myself was actually on a date with a new person who was interesting but not a real spark. M and I texted each other sporadically throughout the night, but about 1:20 in the morning, I get a text saying "Can you get me some wine? I'm sad tonight." I did just that and got home right before she did.

Instantly she cuddled me and got close. We usually have a DD/lg dynamic, but she needed some adult attention this time. We hugged for a long time, watched a movie, talked about her new idea to start sculpting...and really just talked. She had her wine. Not a lot really. Sitting to my right on the couch she looked up at me with her big doe eyes and said, "I think you're my soulmate." *BOOM* I melted.

She wasn't asking for anything or needing anything other than love. And I responded that I felt the same way because I do.

I don't think this will change our status as poly by any means. I can't say that my mono brain wouldn't enjoy that just a little, but I'm learning to adjusting and doing better every time.

Getting my hopes up that this means exactly what I want or need it to mean isn't smart. But I did ask her this morning, before I left for work, if she remembered what she'd said. She said yes. I asked her if she still meant it, and she said yes.
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Me - male, 42, poly, straight, in a serious relationship with Audrey, also casually dating.

Audrey - female, 20, poly, pansexual, also casually dating.
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  #5  
Old 03-18-2014, 08:23 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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3/15/2014

So here I am. It's 3 o'clock and I cant shut my brain off.

Earlier today we had an argument about the frequency of our sexlife. She cried and got really anxious. I dont fault her for that. We almost didn't go on the trip. ffter that huge discussion where she knew I wanted more sex, here we are and nothing. Its like she's totally forgotten.

She tells me so much that she loves me but she uses the baby persona to keep me at bay, and I'm really tired of it.

The purpose of the trip is to take her to a car show where she has a modelling job. The photos will be on a car mag cover and in a full spread as well. She couldn't have made the trip without me taking her, but she didn't have to do a hard sell. I love her so I offered. It's also a great chance for us to take a trip to the beach. She's never been to the beach with a boyfriend/lover so I really want to make those memories. We're staying at my property down in Mobile, which I inherited from my father who in turn inherited it from my grandmother. My deadbeat uncle stays there at the moment.

So...On the trip down she mentioned giving me a blowjob but nothing. I've driven her down here, Gotten her hats done. Bought her outfits and strange and makeup and given her a place to sleep in Mobile ... but its like I'm back to being the gay best friend again. I packed all our suitcases and made sure that we had everything we needed just so this trip would go off without a hitch. And what response do I get? A platonic cuddle partner.

I'm afraid of what this means. I love her and her company. But it might mean we're just friends, despite all the love talk. Ultimately I know I'm afraid of being alone which is a major character flaw in me.

I don't think she's just using me for what I'm spending on her...at least not consciously. Hell this apartment is filthy. Its nothing to be impressed by. I can't believe Alvin paid $500 for it. Of course it does have utilities included. Still, Billy has this in terrible fucking shape. I wouldn't want to rent this thing.

l was distant right before she went to sleep and she noticed. She asked me what was wrong but I didn't want to start a fight night before her event tomorrow. I've waited this long, I suppose one more day won't be bad. I doubt tomorrow night will be any different, but here's hoping.

Update, next night:
So I step and fetch and dote on her all day. We stay up watching Seinfeld videos on Crackle until midnight when I've finally hit my limit. She knows and has known since our talk at home the other day that I want to have sex and yet nothing is happening. I go to the bathroom in a small bit of a pout (really not too bad. nothing really overt, just quiet and matter of fact) and when I return, she asks me what's wrong.

ME:"I don't want to fight."
HER:"If I promise we won't fight, can we talk about it? What's wrong?”
ME:"The same issue we've been talking about for a day and a half."
HER:"I was just thinking about that. Do you want to?”
ME:"well you've already shut me down twice tonight."
HER: "How was I supposed to know you are serious? *smile* I thought we were just joking."
ME: "I touched your boobs and you told me to stop. That's kinda serious to me."
HER: "I didn't know. I still want to ...do you?" *smile*
ME: smile..."of course, Sweet 'tato."

So she goes to the bathroom and I shuck off my clothes and wait for her to come back. She strolls in naked looking like a billion dollars and we have some really great sex. Afterwards she told me at one point I might have bruised her G-spot. I apologized and she asked "What are you apologizing for. Hitting the G-spot is amazing." On the drive home she told me she came at least 4 times which makes me feel great. I still have trust issues about that, but I'm slowly getting over them.

Here it is several days later...and I'm thinking back. She didn't just give in to having sex. She genuinely wanted to and I'm glad we did.

We just had sex again last night as a matter of fact. I'm kind of at the point where I don't feel I need sex as much as I thought I did. I'm sure that will ebb and flow, but that's where I'm at right now.
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Me - male, 42, poly, straight, in a serious relationship with Audrey, also casually dating.

Audrey - female, 20, poly, pansexual, also casually dating.

Last edited by vanquish; 03-18-2014 at 08:38 PM.
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  #6  
Old 03-18-2014, 08:30 PM
vanquish vanquish is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Montgomery, AL
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Sitting at the office and thought I'd add an entry.

We had sex last night. It was pretty good. Not our best or our worst. I'd bought some wine and she said something about maybe having sex. "I'm not promising anything, but maybe." I wasn't in a hurry by any means.

We finally went upstairs after watching 20 episodes of Buffy and she started to go to sleep. After a little playful coaxing, we started fucking. She came once with Lady Marmelade (her Hitachi vibrator) first and then we got to fucking. I'm willing to do more foreplay to get her wet, but I guess at that time of night when she wants to get right to it, then Lady gets her there faster. IDK. Need to ask.

I'm sure it says something about my current headspace that I'm writing a lot about sex. I'm sure more "relationship-y" topics are on their way soon enough.
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Me - male, 42, poly, straight, in a serious relationship with Audrey, also casually dating.

Audrey - female, 20, poly, pansexual, also casually dating.
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