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  #1  
Old 01-09-2014, 09:51 AM
CuriouslyPoly CuriouslyPoly is offline
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Default V-type polyamory relationships

I'm just trying to understand how V-type polyamory relationships work. What I don't get is how can one person or two people be mono while one or two is poly?

From what I understand, mono relationships involve one on one. Anything extra nullifies the term. So how can one claim to be mono and is open to let a poly person be in a relationship with either another poly or mono person?

I see triads making sense because I can see the three as exclusive to just the three. Though if somehow one or two of the three decides to add another person in the relationship and the person is mono and doesn't want to associate himself/herself with the others...again same problem as I stated.

I acknowledge that everyone involved consents to have this open relationship, but I just don't see how V-type poly relationships can have one or two claim to be mono.

Thoughts and opinions welcome.

Last edited by CuriouslyPoly; 01-09-2014 at 09:57 AM.
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Old 01-09-2014, 10:35 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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I'm not sure I understand your question. I think it might revolve around the difference between the terms as they're applied to people and as they're applied to relationships.
  • A mono person is, can and/or wants to be involved with no more than one person at a time.
  • A poly person is, can and/or wants to be involved with more than one person at a time.
  • A mono relationship involves no more than two people at once.
  • A poly relationship can involve more than two people.

If a mono person is involved with a poly person who has other partners that doesn't magically make them poly, but it does mean they're involved in a poly relationship.
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Old 01-09-2014, 10:55 AM
london london is offline
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Start from the premise that a couple are two individual people.

One person has one romantic relationship with the other half of the couple. They aren't open to having another romantic relationship simultaneously, regardless of whether it would be a closed triad. Hopefully, because they only want one romantic relationship opposed to someone else enforcing that on them. This person is monogamous.

The other person is open to having additional relationships at the same time. They have the potential for multiple loving relationships and wish to keep that option open. That person is polyamorous.
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Old 01-09-2014, 11:23 AM
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In other words, there is a difference between how an individual chooses to interact as an individual and the relationship type they have. A Polyamorous person can be in a Monogamous relationship and a Monogamous person can be in a Polyamorous relationship.
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Old 01-09-2014, 11:45 AM
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What they said.

I'm mono. I have one relationship with my partner, P.

P is poly. He has two long-term relationships and is open to dating. I'm not involved in any of these dates, or in his other relationship outside of knowing her as a friend, and as long as he and I have our time together, and my health is not put at risk, I'm mostly good with it.

His OSO is also poly but is currently only in a long-term relationship with him.

MY preferences (mono) are for me. By choosing to be with a poly partner, I know that my relationship is no longer a true mono one, but my relationship with him is just with him, period, and I want no other relationships.
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Old 01-09-2014, 12:23 PM
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Murf is mono. He only has a romantic and sexual relationship with me. He has no interest in a sexual or romantic relationship with my other husband. They are both very straight .

Butch is polycurious. If he started dating a woman I wouldn't be romanticly or sexually in a relationship with her.

Murf is only in a relationship"poly" relationship because he fell for me in real life. This is not something he was looking for. If something were to happen to Butch I could easily find myself in a monogamous relationship by choice. I would still be polyamorus just not practicing at that time by my choice .
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Old 01-13-2014, 05:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Just because one person is in a Vee, it does not automatically mean that this person's two partners must be monogamous, nor that the vee is closed (or polyfidelitous).

Essentially, it is not the configuration that matters - it is how well each person manages their respective relationships, and whether each person in any relationship feels respected, valued, and heard, that matters.
I get this. TOTALLY.

We call ourselves a triad because we all love each other deeply, but C. and I are not generally sexually involved. We kiss and cuddle and are best friends in love, but he's mostly queer and I'm mostly straight. We are both, however, sexually involved with A. We have had shared sexual encounters, but it's not really our thing.

So is that kind of a V?
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:12 AM
Eponine Eponine is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brighty18 View Post
We call ourselves a triad because we all love each other deeply, but C. and I are not generally sexually involved. We kiss and cuddle and are best friends in love, but he's mostly queer and I'm mostly straight. We are both, however, sexually involved with A. We have had shared sexual encounters, but it's not really our thing.

So is that kind of a V?
I don't think there's a clear-cut line between a V and a triad, and some relationships may be categorized as either, depending on how you look at it. Personally I think the emotional connection is the most important factor in defining a relationship, so if all three people love one another deeply (romantically or not), I'd call it a triad. However, some people may think only a three-way romantic and sexual relationship counts as a triad.

We also call ourselves a triad because we all love each other. Not all the pairwise connections are romantic (and none of them is sexual), but it's irrelevant to us. I'm sure many people wouldn't think ours is a triad, but their opinion doesn't matter to us at all.
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