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  #1  
Old 02-15-2011, 07:25 AM
riftara riftara is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: GA / TX
Posts: 188
Default Love, Family, Friendship

I am going to start one of these.

I feel like I need to do a background, catch me and everyone else up.
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  #2  
Old 02-15-2011, 07:42 AM
riftara riftara is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: GA / TX
Posts: 188
Default Lover "R"

I'll start with "R", though he is my lover and not my Husband, his relationship has been around longer.

R is my best-friend, well one of them, I have two. (Just noticed that I'm poly there too LOL)
I have known him since 1999, we became friends in 2000, we first kissed in 2002, first had sex in 2004. We dated a few times, but he had, and has, a girlfriend. About a year ago, we started seeing each other romantically again, and this is the longest we have been involved.

I hate that he has a GF - she doesn't explicitly know about me, I'm "the other woman", he's cheating on her with me. I hate it, but I love him and I love being together when we are.

More on this later.
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  #3  
Old 02-15-2011, 08:25 AM
riftara riftara is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: GA / TX
Posts: 188
Default Hubby John

John and I met in 2003. October 31st, 2003.

We saw each other again in 2006, when I was married and pregnant with my daughter.

2007, my ex-husband and I split up, John gets a mutual friend to give me his number, we start talking.

2008, John and I get together, get married about 6 months later. We were open in the beginning, one-night stands for the most part.

2010, John and I decide to grow up a little and be more poly, and less whorish thats a joke.

John and I have a son, born a day after our 1yr anniversary.
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  #4  
Old 02-15-2011, 08:33 AM
riftara riftara is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: GA / TX
Posts: 188
Default John and R

John and R are friends, John loves R, in a family kind of way. He does get frustrated when R & I have problems bc he doesnt want to see me hurt, but he is open to us all sharing a living space in the future.

The two of them hang out without me. They talk on the phone (well as much as any two guys who are friends do), txt, etc.

They have on two occasions in the last 3 years treated me to a threesome.

I love the occasional night (maybe a handful of times) I get to spend between them in bed. Its amazing. Not that I would want that every night, but its nice when it does happen.
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  #5  
Old 02-15-2011, 08:38 AM
riftara riftara is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: GA / TX
Posts: 188
Default John's New Girl

John met a girl! I'm so happy for him. We will dub her "D". They have a date Friday. I'm almost as excited as he is.

This is his first potential lover. He has had one-night stands, but nothing long-term.

I'm excited, but afraid of jumping the gun. When should she meet me? What do I say to show her I'm not a threat, that I encourage their relationship.
I know this is her first experience with this kind fo thing too and I dont want to mess up the relationship.

I dont do well with girls to begin with, I only have one female friend (my other best friend).

I'm gonna post on the main boards for some insight.
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  #6  
Old 02-15-2011, 05:38 PM
riftara riftara is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: GA / TX
Posts: 188
Default Thanks to everyone

Relax. River has said that. Im bipolar. Its hard for me to relax. I'm a pagan that doesnt meditate. I cant sleep, much less relax. I think I will set D aside, let John handle her until we meet naturally or she wants to. Let her control our relationship. No reason to freak her out. She knows the deal, so we will see how things develop.
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  #7  
Old 01-02-2012, 05:36 AM
riftara riftara is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: GA / TX
Posts: 188
Default

I have been told I am not the same person I was 4 months ago. Im not sure exactly how Ive changed, and I dont know if I can "fix" it and become at least one who makes my lovers happy. If not who I was.

I know that I have been swinging crazy lately, and I know its taking a toll on F. I want to be the one who makes him happy like I did when we got together, but I dont even know what about me made him happy. Hes close to his breaking point, so I have to tread very lightly. I think I have done well these past few days, but I know he wont respond to a change that fast. I have to show him that I am serious about making him happy and being happy and not being as stressed as I have been and using my tools to conquer my emotional problems. I have felt good emotionally maybe because I have blocked everything out, but other than mourning the loss of the baby, I havent been too upset, well thats not true, T says she wants to break up, Im not even sure where we stand, but its not something I want to bring up right now. I dont even know what Im going to do next but I do know that mine and F's date tomorrow night will be full of flirting and fun, I have to make it fun and prove to him Im trying.

I figure that it will take a few weeks or so to rebuild with F and I want to limit the time T is here, the primary relationship has to come first and be stable in order for poly to work. I have to insure both mine and John's and mine and F's relationships are stable and right now they arent.

I have a lot to think about and to try to decide what to do about, and right now that doesnt scare me. Im actually feeling pretty good about most things, I just need to set a temporary boundary on how much T is here until F and I are back on track. If he values our relationship he will do it, if he doesn't then I will start to look elsewhere.
__________________
- For the pursuit of happiness, not the sit around and wait for happiness -
Jen - bi female
John (Juntas)- husband


M - John's girlfriend
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  #8  
Old 01-06-2012, 06:55 AM
riftara riftara is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: GA / TX
Posts: 188
Default well damn

So T broke up with me. She is still seeing F and since I only said ok to breaking my rule of another relationship was because I wanted her, it is really bothering me.

F and I are still on shaky ground but at least we had sex. John and I are still not there. That makes me sad.

T is still around because of her and F are seeing each other still. I need to set some boundaries and discover what Im comfortable with at this moment. I know Im not comfortable with her being around all the time. Especially since they have "gotten closer" and I feel put out because of F's desire to leave me.

I re-iterated my primary status today and im not sure it was a good move. But then again, our triad is gone, so I feel until he says otherwise, I am his primary.
__________________
- For the pursuit of happiness, not the sit around and wait for happiness -
Jen - bi female
John (Juntas)- husband


M - John's girlfriend
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  #9  
Old 01-06-2012, 07:51 PM
riftara riftara is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: GA / TX
Posts: 188
Default Panic is bad

So T came over last night, I went to bed before she left so I have no idea how long she was here, but I had a panic attack when she got here. I've got to get control over my feelings about F and T. I can't have a panic attack every time she is here. I don't know if its because shes my ex or shes seeing F, I know I didnt have them before she broke up with me, so maybe its just the ex thing. Im not one for hanging out with my ex's immediately after we break up.

Either way, I know Im not comfortable with her being at the house and I also know I can't tell F she can't be at the house. Leaves me in a complicated place, I have to limit the time she is at the house in order to limit the amount of pain I have in her being here. I know I will get over it eventually, but for now I need space and time.

I found out her being here and F and T being in public places bothers my friend, who is like a little sister to me, because T is all over F.

Ive been trying really hard this week to be more relaxed and confident and well, more me. Im not sure how Im doing, but I do know Im trying and Im willing to do more. F admitted that he can see Im trying and that he doesnt feel everything is " back to normal " I just want him to be as happy and comfortable as I am in our relationship.

I am afraid that since he is a serial monogamist that his heart has already left me and moved to T. He says he still loves me and we are still having sex, so I guess that isnt a problem yet.

I have a feeling T and F wont last much longer than the NRE. I just dont think they are really compatible, they are too much alike. I have to keep that in my mind and just do the best I can as a loving girlfriend.
__________________
- For the pursuit of happiness, not the sit around and wait for happiness -
Jen - bi female
John (Juntas)- husband


M - John's girlfriend
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  #10  
Old 01-08-2012, 08:36 AM
riftara riftara is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: GA / TX
Posts: 188
Default Guess its kinda getting better

I had a small panic attak this morning when I woke up and F was already gone to spend the day with T.

But tonight we are all playing a card game together and its not too bad, but the idea of her spending the night upsets me a little. Im having trouble getting use to this.

T was incredibly nice to me when she came in, but F has been basically ignoring me while T has been here, I know how John feels when Im around F and dont give him kisses or touch him.

I am not sure what to do, not being able to see them bothers me the most I think. They disappear into his room and I get all panicy.

Im having a lot of trouble with this. Im going nuts... Im not sure what to do.

they want to roll D&D characters... I did not sign up for this. I'd rather DM.

Yep, they go to bed, panic attack starts, I cant keep doing this.
__________________
- For the pursuit of happiness, not the sit around and wait for happiness -
Jen - bi female
John (Juntas)- husband


M - John's girlfriend
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