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Old 11-29-2013, 07:33 PM
Perseus Perseus is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5
Default Fun sex / Safe sex

Hello hello,

I'm a big fan of safe(r) sex. But there is no thing as safe sex in an absolute sense and this kind of freaks me out. Because if you educate yourself, go online, or read a book about it, it's all "shock and awe". I guess that's so they can scare you into using condoms?

Anyway, I'm so focused on the safe part that the sex itself is becoming less fun. So much that this is basically the hardest part about poly for me. I have a primairy, or what ever term floats your boat, and I would hate it if I would pass something on to her (or anybody else for that matter).

How to keep it safe AND fun. Also, are my worries of passing something on even when having safe sex realistic? What is your take on this?
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Old 11-30-2013, 02:56 AM
InsaneMystic InsaneMystic is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 238

Phone/chat sex and "ERP"ing are the only forms of sex that are 100% safe from all health risks.

Beyond that... well, you'll have to decide for yourself (together with any and all potential sex partners of yours, obviously) what's a reasonably small degree of risk-taking for you. I'm kinda the last person on Earth to be able to give advice on that front, though, lol.
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Old 11-30-2013, 04:53 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,366

Regular testing for yourself, your partners, and their partners is a good way to meet your need for safety. Condoms are pretty effective. Avoiding one-night-stands with strangers and people who won't disclose their status / history (history up to a point. What you did 10 years ago, before testing clean 10 times in the last 2 years, is irrelevant. What you did last week is not.)
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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Old 11-30-2013, 08:33 AM
london london is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

Use condoms. Regular testing. Educate yourself about STDs. Having casual sex doesn't matter, just use condoms.
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Old 12-02-2013, 08:28 PM
hersweetleaf hersweetleaf is offline
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: seattle
Posts: 52

just go get tested every 6 months. that's what I do, even before we opened our marriage up.

you can get home tests now right?
ill try anything once, twice if I like it.
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Old 12-02-2013, 09:02 PM
bofish bofish is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 221

I just had a long talk about safe sex with one of my guys friends. He plays on a regular basis with his husband and a third. He says that in cruise places he's explored men are getting more and more lax with unprotected sex... there was also an article about it in the Times last week. However, people are pretty open BEFORE he even meets them about their status and whether they practice safe sex. By the time he the get to his bedroom .he already knows their opinion of condoms and no one, he said, has gone back on it. I don't know if he plays with people who are positive or not. I doubt it. Our friend died of AIDS, and he has remained negative all this time.

Does he have fun? HELL YES! probably way more fun that he should,

I think you are always taking a chance with new partners, but I think a condom usually works and people usually don't lie about their status. I'm sure there are many exceptions, so it IS always a chnce. However, I do know men who have been in pos/neg relationships for teen plus years and never contracted.

What STD'S are you afraid of getting?
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